Unnecessary Complication Complex*

Lil Wayne is headed to the slammer in less than a week. I know, shocker right? Not so coincidentally, he'll miss at least 3-4 of his children's birthday's while on vacation. See, I know a lot of irresponsible cats, but I can honestly say that I don't know any who have several kids who'll all turn the same age in the same year. I figured by now, he would have done an interview, or YouTube video explaining how latex gives him hives, or he's allergic to birth control pill residue, & how "kids" should practice safe sex, even if he doesn't. Hell, he could even throw a "Say Nope To Dope" in there as a sort of private joke. No dice. He just shucks & jives as usual, taking publicity photos with whatever random offspring is visiting him on the tour bus that weekend. Not to sound like a douche nozzle, but a rich, drug addicted father is the stuff that poor kids have wet dreams about. Lucky little dust bunnies. &, as if a gaggle of baby mommas isn't complicated enough, the reasons behind his legal woes (legal woes being the reason he'll miss back-to-back-to-back-to-back parties), are in short, unnecessary. Drugs & guns. Two things that folks with money should never have to worry about carrying. Yet & still, here he is, with a cabbage patch full of garbage pail kids, rivaled only by the life giving 'tang of Erykah Badu, & time behind bars an inevitable reality. Undoubtedly, this man has an Unnecessary Complication Complex. A classic case, if I ever saw one.


Now, should we be surprised that Kanye West has been absent from the past few major publicity events that have been rammed down our collective esophagi?


No.


See, the "average" celebrity would've taken that opportunity to throw a jab at the then-president at face value. Even though the world had a pretty good idea that George Bush couldn't care less about the coloreds, Yeezy spoke for us, with balls the size of monkey fists. [ll]. Maybe we didn't thank him loud enough. It's hard to be heard over a personality the size of San Francisco. You know, there was actually a time in American history where such a remark by a person of the negronious persuasion would've been viewed as mutiny, & he would've been lynched for TWO reasons, instead of the usual one. Ha. But, he got away with it, & continued to Hippity Hop along about his pink, fuzz-covered business. But, along that path, he found several more missteps to make, most of which involved him looking like a slick-talking cock sucker, at the expense of poor, defenseless White people. While rappers are beefing with other unimportant Blacks, Kanye waged war with Taylor Swift, wanna-be photographers, & PETA. For the record, PETA is like the NRA, with fur & paws, instead of rifles & rednecks. Unnecessary remark, after unnecessary remark, each one only complicating the last, making a future redemption song that much harder to write, much less sing. Now, at the Grammy Awards, not only does security have orders that he's a domestic terrorist, but as added insult to an already injured ego, he actually won. Twice, I think. That's like a chick handcuffing you to a radiator, across the room, then having her way with her lady parts, while you watch, leaving you to stew in your helplessness. I've heard that the path of a genius is rife with insanity. In that case, I now understand why Kanye does the crazy shit he does. I also read that Albert Einstein talked to, & answered himself, & was unable to tie his own shoes. So, yeah.


Point is, celebrities are normal people, who happen to be famous for whatever parlor trick they've perfected. & like us "normal" folk, they have the innate ability to pile bullshit upon their shoulders until they topple over into their own hysteria. Trouble is, they're really not "normal" people at all. By the time they've reached such a lucrative apex in life, all the individuals who wouldn't mind getting dirty to keep them clean have been replaced by "Yes!" men, hob knobblers & douche bag leeches who've been praying for that day like Albino's pray for shady places. No shots. If a plain, simple, average, basic man impregnates countless women, & gets caught up for drugs & weapons, it's no big deal. I doubt that his life is headed in a direction where such set-backs will actually hinder his life's work. But, if said man is worth a million bucks, with an undoubtedly bright future ahead of him, those same unwise choices could spell uncertainty, doom, & possible failure. Unnecessary complication, indeed. Same goes with well intended, however misguided outbursts at no one in particular. The homeless guy, on the corner, spouting about how the king needs to be overthrown, in between begging for loose change & throwing rocks at passing vehicles is virtually harmless. To himself & anyone in the vicinity. But, if that man is a brand, a company unto himself, with the world at his proverbial fingertips, said man goes from "crazy dude", to "dumb motherfucker", if you smell my cologne.


One of the perks of being "normal", or a nobody like most of us, is that our mistakes & up-fucks won't have that much of an effect on our lives, however meaningless & disposable. But, once you have things to gain, you also have things to lose, & the last thing you'd want in that situation is a UCC. Unnecessary Complication Complex.


Life is easy. It's the decision-making process that's difficult.


Maybe I'll start an online self-help website for these dingleberry famous people who habitual shit where they sleep. I can charge them an arm & a leg, then get rich & famous on their blood, sweat & tears, & make the same mistakes they did. That would make this the most prophetic drop I've ever penned, word to Nostradamus.


*These are just 2 examples. I'm sure, without effort, you can find many more, within arm's distance.

AS TOLD TO DAILY-MATH.COM:Forgot About Dre?

I'm a pretty optimistic dude, in most situations.


I keep the faith, with my fingers crossed, the whole nine yards. But, there are two things I've given up on for the new year. The first is any naked pictures of Mariah Carey surfacing on the 'Net. No disrespect, Nick. All these D-list celebrities have candid shots, showing their nipple rings, clitoral piercings and what not, so am I a fool for thinking she should have some out there as well? Mariah's far from D-list, been in the business long enough, and has had more than enough emotional outbursts to have had a moment of weakness or three. Who wouldn't want to see that? But I digress. The second thing is Dr. Dre's 'Detox' album. I have 4 reasons why, in case you want to know...


1) Dre's a perfectionist...
We all know there's no such thing as perfection, but it's overly apparent that Dre doesn't agree. By that ethos, he'll never be able to live up to his own expectations. If you've ever watched a child race his own shadow, or a rotweiler chase his own tail, then you have an idea of what I'm saying. People who accept nothing less than exceptional are never satisfied. Especially when it comes to themselves. For years now, Andre Young's been promising this elite, exquisite album. Anxiously, we cling to his catalog of yesteryear hits, hoping to foresee what we are patiently waiting for. No Dice. The problem with being so critical is that, no one else is holed up like some reclusive madman, perfecting a sound that will only be re-invented as soon as it gets leaked to the 'Nets, which is bound to happen. So, for every song that he remixes and remasters to fabled perfection, 15 duck sauce rappers and their chow mein producers are flooding cyberspace with warm feces. More music to distract us, and further help us forget that 'Detox' is even in the works. According to the Hip Hop grade curve, Lil Boosie has a better chance at hypnotizing me than Dre does of mesmerizing me at this point. Of course, it's quality over quantity, but damn, if said quantity is 2-3 songs bi-yearly, if even that, then anything more than 2 songs in a year's span wins by default. Unless of course, he lives up to the hype, and delivers the most magnificent audio experience ever. Keep in mind, when Quincy Jones recorded 'Thriller' with Michael Jackson, he didn't believe in it. He chased perfection until he gave in and settled. Years later, it's the biggest selling album ever. So Dre, there's hope. Don't be so hard on yourself. At least give us a chance to criticize.


2)Dre's kinda a douche...
There's a reason why every time Dr. Dre's in the limelight again, he's usually surrounded by a different group of people than the last time we saw him. It's the same reason that 50 Cent always has the exact same two dudes with him all the time (they forget the other people). If you're familiar with Dre's industry presence, you could run down a laundry list of Dre-affiliated cats that have come and gone quicker than the Swine Flu scare. Aside from that, let us take a look at some of his other moments of douchebaggery:


-He beat up Dee Barnes, female rapper/host of the video show 'Pump It Up' in 1991, for interviewing Ice Cube after the N.W.A. split.


-He aligns himself with acts that are/were arguably more relevant than he is, then wishes them to the cornfields (Eve, Busta Rhymes, Rakim, Raekwon, Joell Ortiz, Glasses Malone, Game, Bishop Lamont, etc.) for seemingly no reason whatsoever.


-He signs new artists, squeezes out a little creative juice for his own purposes, [||]?, then sits them on a shelf, until they go bad or find a better situation. He's almost like Suge Knight, without the cigars, violence or bankruptcy.


-He hasn't even so much as dropped a single. Not even a teaser. Even Big Boi, of Outkast, dropped a single last year, and I don't know anyone who's pining for his next solo outing. In his defense, he did release some designers headphones, though.


A man's only as good as his last accomplishment. Word on the street is that he's losing his touch. I mean sure, Game runs rampant on Twitter espousing about how great 'Detox' will be, but I have a bi-polar cousin. And sometimes my cousin and Game act very similar. Just saying. I wonder what ever happened to the N.W.A. reunion?


3)People don't buy CD's anymore...
Dre's claim(s) to fame has always been his record sales. He's not a rapper (although White folks think he is), so he can't boast about his rhymes, but he can sure as hell brag about the benefits of attaching himself to a rapper's project, especially one who doesn't move a tremendous amount of units until he comes along (see: Xzibit). Undoubtedly, Dre has sold millions upon millions of records worldwide throughout his career, but the industry has changed dramatically over the last 5 years. If you're not T.I., Lil Wayne, Eminem or Kanye West, fans aren't flocking to drop hard hustled recession dollars on your release like they were in Dre's hey day. Today's average rap fan has, more or less, no clue Dre used to be a musical monolith, and would have virtually no idea at all who he was if Marshall and Curtis hadn't been his live action commercials for the last decade. The Old Man Rap market is still in it's early stages, and at this point in his career, he's almost starting over again, so to speak. And before y'all start bringing up Eminem's phenomenal success, trust and believe that every album Em sold was on the strength of Em's lyrical ability. At the very least, Dre gave him that push into popular music status that solidified his achievements. Still, Eminem could've rapped over gorillas grunts and wet farts, and would've most likely had the same productivity.


4)He can never top 'The Chronic', and he knows it...
It doesn't matter what he's doing in the studio right now. The Chronic was, is, and always will be a Hip Hop classic. Classic, in the truest sense of the word. Unless he has a song featuring Satan and Jesus Christ going back and forth over a 'Funky Worm' interpolation, like EPMD, he can never achieve that same level of unexpected brilliance. My guess is that he sits in the studio, alone, and listens to that album, to conceive new ideas from old material. Kinda like a boxer watching footage of his best fight ever. The closest we've gotten to a peek at 'Detox' was that damn Dr. Pepper commercial last year. I don't even like Dr. Pepper, or know a person who does. It tastes like peppermint Kool-Aid, if such a thing were to exist. That said, who gives a damn about the commercial, and who even knew that that was his beat is playing in the background? I did, but then again, my life's not all that exciting, so that only holds so much weight. It's the gift of the curse, or the curse of the gift, depending on your perception. 'The Chronic' single-handedly changed the face of rap, west coast or otherwise, without any gimmicks and no smoke and mirrors. To repeat that feat in today's overwhelming rap industry would seem to be virtually impossible. Even for a living legend. That's not to say that he's not talented, but in this era of live streams, zip drives and downloads, there's literally new music on a daily basis. That's quite a bit of competition. Some people thrive on that type of pressure. Multiply that with the expectations that have been festering for years, and you have enough pressure to burst a pipe. People refer to him as the "Quincy Jones of Rap", but I just say Dre's Dre. No need for extra stigma's for him to live up to. That may be part of the reason we're still waiting on the album. Dre's on of the best producers of our lifetime, no question, but he might have to come to grips with the fact that he may peaked, climaxed and plateau'd all in one phenomenal album-'The Chronic.' That usually doesn't happen repeatedly. Not in Hip Hop, at least. Boy, would I love to be proven wrong.


Maybe, he's trapped in some time warp, like the movie 'Groundhog Day.' He wakes up, complicates his insanity by smoking some superweed, hits the studio, twists some knobs and presses some buttons, calls some niggas to come record, spends the day mixing down vocals and music, goes back home, burns more superweed, passes out drunk and high, wakes up the next day and does it all over again-and nobody has the heart to tell him. There's a pretty good chance Andre's been working on the same song for ten years.


For the record, I'm rooting for Dre, if only because he's been counted out for quite some time, and I love an underdog. [||]. It would be nice to see him jump fresh out of nowhere, but let's be honest with ourselves and each other here. His best bet at this point, is to go with whatever he's been working on for the past decade, and let the chips fall where they may. Surely, some co-producers will blow the whistle and want their credit on the project, and if the ever-fickle public isn't receptive to 'Detox', fuck it, he can just give them their credit, then place the blame them. That's what I would do.

To Douche, Or Not To Douche...

(I wonder how many women have asked themselves that before a first date. Just saying.)


So, after all the fanfare & finger-pointing, it turns out that Mtv executives weren't behind Kanye's noticeable absence from the Haiti telethon. It was the man himself, who was too busy to be a part of history.


Really though, I would've lied about that shit. Man, I've lied to people right in their face to save my ass in my lifetime. Who hasn't? To think that after all the hell this walking tampon catches behind ass backwards logic & shit-for-brains blactivity, he didn't even have the God given sense to make up some shit. Or, he could've just told the truth.


"I'd rather be in France, looking at new clothing designs, with [other] gay people. *shrugs* Buy my album."


Here we all were, passing judgment on a bunch of anonymous shot-callers, who may or may not have had something to do with Marshall Mathers sniffing another man's balls & taint on live television, thinking they didn't care about Black people. As soon as I saw Samuel L. Jackson convincing callers to dig deep for the cause, I know that couldn't have been the case. Even if Kanye had been there, I doubt he would've resorted to such nigganometry as interrupting folks &/or bringing up Hurricane Katrina. He may be the biggest asshole this side of Pinky & Cherokee, but he knows his mom wouldn't approve of indiscretion of that magnitude. & I watch enough TV to know not to piss off dead people. Plus, just because a dude acts completely aloof doesn't mean he really is. It most cases, it's all an act, a ruse, an attempt to confuse outsiders as to what the truth really is.


When I was in high school, I got called conceited a lot. In reality, I wasn't at all. Truth be told, I thought I looked exactly like Bart Simpson would if he were a real man-child. I thought my ears & nose were comically disproportionate, like one of the Rice Krispies elves, & my height & weight couldn't have been any more average. I was the little yellow dude, who niggas would pick second to last for their basketball squad, right before they picked the fat kid. Sometimes, they'd pick the fat kid before me, if he was really dark & strong-looking. You know what I'm talking about. So, to mask my low self esteem, I treated girls like crap. Strangely, most of them liked it, which created an odd chain of events that eventually boosted my esteem, & in turn, I had become slightly conceited after a couple of years. & I owed it all to the illusion that I created; I didn't give two donkey turds about people's feelings. Of course that was high school, & I've long since graduated from such asinine notions, but I understand where some of these ass-on-their-shoulders-types are coming from. [||]? Kanye suffers from a similar disorder. Like Big Bow Wow, there oedipal relationships with their mom's created monsters, & once Frankenstein got loose, they weren't ready for the townspeople to scream & run. Or continuously make them trending topics on Twitter.


I can see Kanye's facade for what it is. He may not hate himself, but when he looks in the mirror, & sees that oversized jaw, & those beady little possum eyes, he's not happy at all. What do Black dudes do when they feel a need to compensate? What else but get the baddest White(ish) chick money can buy. & if he's smart, he'll get a bald one, to save money on weaves & hair care products. Chess niggas, not checkers. I wouldn't be surprised if he counts calories & snacks on salads, either. Fuck all that, though. I'm a man. If I eat lettuce, it's because I forgot to tell Alejandro I didn't want it on my Big Mac. Not to get all psychological, but men who pay too much attention to themselves are usually doing so because, at some point, nobody paid enough attention to them, except for maybe their mother & gay guys. I've had gay guys pay me too much attention, & that did nothing for my self esteem. It made me quite uncomfortable, as a matter of fact. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay. Which brings me to my next point.


Kanye is far from homosexual, even if he's a wig & eye shadow away from being a cross dresser, & probably prefers briefs over boxers, because they're snug. Kanye's a selfsexual. Yeah, I just made that up. Feel free to use it at your leisure. It's not all about him because he really believes that it is, but it's "all about him" because he's convinced that it isn't. Every backhanded compliment he dishes out is just a blind flail for attention. When his mom passed, I told people he was going to wild out, & low & behold, he's stabbing himself in the stomach in mini-movies & dressing like a superhero. If only someone would give him a hug. A man hug. To comfort his soul & let him know that everything's gonna be alright. I'd suggest Jay-Z should do it, but he doesn't have a mustache. & I've been raised not to trust Black men without mustaches. I advise you to do the same.


Maybe 'Ye will seek professional help, or simply humble with age. Or maybe not. Either way, I'm glad he stopped singing like a robot.

T.I. should meet my uncle.

Can you imagine how many rappers wish they were in T.I.'s position right now?


No shots, but Mystikal, Mr. "Shake It Fast," served a little over 5 years for some unsavory business etiquette towards a female member of his entourage. As successful as he was pre-"Bitch betta have my money (or else swallow throat lotion!)," dude comes home to little fanfare whatsoever. The few fans who were excited about his return, are lost in the message boards of articles & blog drops about his release. Lost, as in a "Mystikal's back!" is met by 25 commentors calling him a criminal, & throwing around words like "extortion," & "rapist." I'm not a judge, so I don't condemn. I just hoped he learned something, aside from how to live with nothing but men for years at a time. Point being, many people don't even know he's home. Of those they do know, most don't really care. His ship has long since sailed unfortunately, & not even the great Percy Miller himself can undo that. Shit, P can't even keep his own brother out of jail, so good luck with him relaunching a rap career that's long been dead in the water. "Watch yaself," indeed. It'll be interesting to see if Mystikal jumps into the viral ring, or fades into absolute obscurity. How much you wanna bet that he's set on putting 'The NEW, New No Limit' back on the map. No dice. & I don't think it's so much that we, the fans & heads & afficianados, turn our backs on artists during trial & tribulation, so much as it's just that niggas have better shit to do. Any man who believes life will stop for him is a fool doomed to failure by his own stagnation. I'm almost positive he wishes he was in T.I.'s position.


Again, no shots, but Prodigy of Mobb Deep, is in a curious situation. Mind you, I'm a Hip Hop Head from the early 80's, & still, if I had to name a rapper who I could quote verse for verse, song by song, it would be Prodigy, before NaS, or even Redman. There was a period in my life where I had a BIG ASS poster of 'The Infamous' album cover on my wall, over my bed. No homo. Call me a stan, but I'd prefer you call me a Tony (ha!). Sorry, that was corny. A lot of people may not know that P has sickle cell anemia, a blood disease that affects people of color, that can cause death. The girl I lost my virginity to had it. That shit is no joke. It almost seems unbelievable. I know all to well how it can affect a person. Yet & still, this nigga wants to be a thug. Carrying guns, fighting people, going back & forth to jail, where he sits now, as what remains of his music career sits in limbo. Not to mention, the apex of his career came & went while he was still free, so now what? Dude's gotta be at least 30-something by now. The number of people who probably don't even know who he is greatly outweighs the amount of people who anxiously wait for his release. Saddest part is that 50 Cent (Whaddup MDub!!) seems to be his only remaining tie to rap music at this point. Good luck with that, P. I put him in a category I call "When Keepin It Real Goes Right," because apparently these dudes want this life. Mistakes are one thing, but repetition is insanity. I'm pretty sure he wishes he was in T.I. position.


Which all brings me to my point about T.I.'s position. As a rapper, boundaries are set as to what you can or can't do, lest you be wished into the cornfield by the public at large. The nay-say is loud & plentiful, but the truth is that T.I. is arguably the most successful rap dude of 2009. Success, in terms of popularity, record sales & media attention. Dude held a press conference last year. Now, I don't remember what it was about, but what rap nigga does that? & wasn't the police chief or somebody there with him? This guy got a television show, based around a crime that he only served about 8 months for. If that's not "success" in some variation or another, feel free to correct me. Unlike most young, Black felons, he has the chance to come home, & make a difference, especially on a worldwide scale. The same difference he made when he began his arbitrary reality show, which to me, was a pretty good idea. Who would you take sound, sage advice from; your grandfather, or some nigga who lives a life you wish you did? Just saying.


I'm not one to recalibrate another one's moral compass, but it would be nice to have a high-profile celebrity bring some positive energy to a culture that seeks instant gratification, yet ignores any repercussion. The listening world knows all about what T.I. has done to harm his impending society, so why not be an asset, in the public eye, to reverse the detriment? I always say society loves a rehabilitated convict with a story to tell. That trumps a "feel-good movie" any day of the week. Now's his chance to be a role model, at a time when we really don't have any left. Again, just saying.


I have an uncle, who served 7 years on federal drug charges. Dude got home early last year. When I was growing up, this cat was rich. Literally. In a White people way. He moved from Compton & Firestone to Rancho Cucamunga, & had unnecessary luxuries as far as the eye could see. I loved going over there, looking for shit to steal, even though he would've given it to me if I asked. Dude was so heavy in the street that every time I rode with him, we got pulled over. Here I am, a kid, being treated like a man because my uncle's a known drug dealer. Everybody knows a hustler, or the neighborhood dope man, but this cat was far removed from all that. With all sincerity, 'Scarface' was very, very similar to his life story, except the ending. Anyway, he came over yesterday to pick up some mail. In his work truck. He drives for some meat-packing [||] company, delivering dead animals to businesses for food consumption. A humbling job, to say the least. To the multitude of kids he has (yes, MULTITUDE), he's a hard working cat, trying to provide the best way he can. Only his oldest daughter is of an age where she could slightly recall when this guy was ridiculously paid. Albeit by poisoning the community, but paid nonetheless. All the others know is that daddy's finally out of jail. Point being, he touched down with the intention of doing the right thing(s), by his kids, if nobody else. That's the least he can do. It's imperative that the kids see that, especially with the stories of their father they undoubtedly have heard about. You know kids stay eavesdropping. One of the first things he did when he got out was to check on me, hearing about my run-in with death via alcohol. He had some very wise advice, too. It was obvious he'd thought long & hard about the life he lived, & for all the evil he'd exposed me to, as a kid, he was know shedding much needed positive light on me, as a man. That's that real shit, fuck the fake.


It would be nice if T.I. employed that same attitude for the thousands, upon thousands of young folks who look up to him. He's blessed with the opportunity to help, from the inside out, & us positive Black men could sure use the manpower, really though.

Hip Hop...It's Deeper Than Rap.

The argument can be made that all rap is Hip Hop. For all the hate tossed at Gucci Mane for being flawlessly coontastic & an atrocity to the culture, dude is Hip Hop. Many times I've found myself cringing at his comic strip shenanigans, & wondering why people like him. He's fun, that's why. & for the most part, he's harmless, aside from killing a man & leaving his body in the swamp, but that's a post for another day. Point being, Hip Hop is a culture, immersed in self expression, however one sees fit. No matter how horrible the fans think the music is, or how insulting the personality of the artist, all rappers are Hip Hop. Fact. The more entertaining, the better. Generally speaking, name you favorite rap cat & then the one you despise. That's your personal Hip Hop alpha & omega. First to last, & all things between, it's Hip Hop from beginning to end.


Rap, simply put, is a form of music. Yes, even when it's done to the tune of nursery rhymes & simple simon sing-alongs. Hip Hop is the culture that rap was born from. Along with DJing, break dancing, & graffiti writing. Throughout the years, other elements have been thrown into the mix, such as knowledge & fashion, but the general foundation remains. Hip Hop is a way of life. You're either Hip Hop, or you're not. It's the way you walk into a room. The way you wear your hair. The things you teach your kids. The movies you memorize. I know dudes who are the epitome of the lifestyle, & couldn't ride a rhythm if it had Mariah Carey's hind quarters.


Hip Hop culture is an experience. Rap is the soundtrack to it's movement.


Another questionable aspect is the belief that this somewhat new, hybrid of rap & r&b, such as T-Pain, Chris Brown-any act that's obviously a bastard seed of 90's rhythm & bullshit era, isn't Hip Hop. No dice. By the basic parameters that something is judged Hip Hop or not, that form of music is indeed as Hip Hop as skinny jeans, Insane Clown Posse, & Tanya Morgan. Hell, Tracy Morgan for that matter, even though he doesn't rap. Word to Grizz & Dot Com. Fun-loving expression, is just that, even when it's based around the demise of 13 year old girls. Not that I condone that type of thing, I'm just trying to put it in perspective. Sure, I wouldn't want Trey Songz teaching my daughter about the birds & the bees, but if it wasn't for R. Kelly, I might not've lost my virginity mid-day, ditching the only college course I had. & fuck whatcha heard, getting 'tang is Hip Hop, really though...


There's a lot of people with the misconception that because a certain style of Rap isn't suited for them, that it's not Hip Hop. Until we dispel that notion, we can't move forward. Forward, as in, striving for the betterment of a movement that's presently being raped & pillaged by tv commercials, mocked on YouTube as some sort of experimental novelty act, & treated like urban noise, instead of the tribal communication it began as. We can't appreciate Talib Kweli, if we don't recognize the importance of Souljah Boy. Like it or not.


Not to get more philosophical than necessary, but Hip Hop is the soul, & rap is the life, if you understand what I'm saying. There's indeed a difference between the two. Shout out to the homie Rob, who put the bug in my ear.

Villain Wanted

Wanted: the proverbial bad guy-a "villain", to assume all the responsibilities of Hip Hop's requisite antagonist, and fill position of necessary cultural scapegoat. Must be arrogant, ignorant, smug, materialistic, slightly psychotic with glimmers of brilliance and remorse. Must have a violent and/or criminal background (preferably authentic) and suffer from one (1) or more mental illnesses-ideally some form of post traumatic stress disorder. Must be goal-oriented, and possess at least a basic concept of song writing ability and melody recognition. Ability to harmonize optional. Sexual preference will be privatized, unless otherwise suspected by bloggers, paparazzi, etc., in which case, you assume full responsibility of damage control. Apply at your own risk...


Now that 50's been counted out of the runnings, for the most part, Hip Hop is a need of a new nigga we love to hate. Or, hate to love, depending on your vantage point. A bad guy. Thanks to Rick Ross, Clipse, Raekwon, Killa Cam, Ghostface, and a handful of other hot spitters, 2009 saw the reemergence of Cocaine rap, with a vengeance. Well, if you count the brief 'Trap Rap' phenom, it never went anywhere, but I'm just saying. Even still, there's a galaxy's difference between a hustler and a gangster. Granted, the two can occupy the same space simultaneously, but ultimately you're one or the other. Where as hustler's talk slick and attempt to keep their noses clean-no pun intended, gangster's talk loud, and have dirty nails. Which brings us back to the role of the bad guy, a part 50 played so well that by the end of his stint with Interscope, he'd taken shots at both Dr. Dre and Jimmy Iovine. Gotta love it.


Who can we look to now, for extreme nigganometry and self righteous egotism, in between making the hoes dance and niggas wanna clap something? Who's voice is strong enough to fill the shoes? This is a necessary balance needed, lest we allow Drake and Kanye West to be in charge of the dispersement of aggression in rap music. No dice. So far the emo-rap community's street cred includes slapping Canadians, slapping paparazzi cameras, & getting slapped by abortion-having, scorned ex-girlfriends. Kid Cudi did get pulled over by the LAPD, but in his defense, cops in my city are so dumb they still haven't caught the dude(s) who killed Christopher Wallace. They sure as fuck caught O.J. pretty quick though, but I digress. Plus, the only person who can wear tight pants & be a bad motherfucker, simultaneously, is dead. Long live Rick James. Plenty of dudes on the rap radar have the ability to deliver grimy stories and gritty tales of street life, but that doesn't necessarily qualify them to be in charge of an entire sub-genre of a culture.


In the movie 'Matrix', how many of you can say that, not only were you rooting for Agent Smith, but you were extra hyped when he returned in the sequel, with upgrades? I knew that the future of the free world was dependent of Neo's victory, but in the interim, I needed to see him get his ass kicked by the bad guy. If it was just Neo flying around & having copious amounts of sex with that chick that looked like a little boy, that movie would've sucked. How important was Superman without Lex Luthor? Scores of bad guys could cross Clark's path, but Lex was the yang to his yin. Really though, cats had equal the amount of super abilities, sometimes even more so, & this little bald headed Jewish guy could eff up Superman's day faster than he could wax his dome piece. Now, rap needs a new yin, or something to that effect, to give us the overstanding of the underview, to balance all the emotional rollercoasters that we're bombarded with on a daily basis.


Without a bad guy, there's just "the good guy," & that's no fun at all.


Otherwise, rest assured, in no less than 5 years, Hip Hop will look like 'Revenge of the Nerds'-the musical. Will we be following Booger, or Ogre?

Farewell, 50...

I'm undeniably, unapologetically a 50 Cent fan. When I say "fan", I don't mean I like his latest album, or enjoy his Internet antics. I mean I listen to his music, almost daily. & not in the "I might pull up his joints on the i-Pod sometimes" sense, I mean all of my ring tones on the Blackberry are set to 50 songs, really though. In fact, when you leave your comment (stop lurking & holler at your boy!), 'Window Shopper' will blare from my hip to alert me. He may have been the most pivotal rapper of the decade. Hate me if you will, but I stand firm on my ground. Before you get your fingers ready to dig my proverbial comment section grave site, let me make myself clear.


Dude's lyrics, meh at best. His beat selection has gotten progressively more mediocre with each studio album's release, from 'The Massacre', to 'BISD'. He flosses to much. He literally rode the "street credibility" wagon until the wheels fell off, then watched them bounce off into the sunset. He treats most people like shit, in front of an audience. He doesn't do any of his music for the betterment of Hip Hop, or rap music in general, for that matter. For all intents and purposes, he's the biggest Douche in entertainment since Spencer Pratt was on that "I'm a celebrity!" game show with John Salley. Now that we got that out of the way, let me tell you why I think he's awesome.


50 cent, according to General Combat Jack, never set out to be a rapper. It was bigger than that, deeper than rap (no pun intended & [||]). He decided long ago that he wanted to take over the industry. That's forward thinking, beyond setting Billboard chart goals and plans on moving units through Soundscan. Which was probably why he attacked the streets with his mixtapes first & foremost, which guaranteed that his key demographic would have his shit meet them where it should; the streets. This man may possibly be the reason for record companies no longer really needing A&R's. Granted, the position still exists, but the glamour once attached is no more. The 'Net is the new A&R. Obviously Curtis Jackson wasn't the first dude to use this grass roots platform to boost his celebrity, but he worked it like a fat girl in hooker boots. Before cats were bumping 'Wanksta', cats were bumping 'Wanksta', if you smell my cologne.


No matter what battles have ensued throughout the years, Curtis Jackson gave new meaning to the word "beef". He made it a viable marketing tool. He turned it into a weapon. He made it a reason to tune in to the 'Nets. Hell, he might even be the driving force behind e-thuggery reaching meteoric heights in the last couple of years. No longer was it battles on wax, punch lines, & mild discrediting. Thanks to F-50, it became skeleton exposure, video footage, court papers, & character assassination that we haven't seen since the 1960's. Not that it was/is a good look for the culture, but let's give credit where it's due. I learned in 2nd grade; if you're going to be an asshole, you might as well go balls out. Like swimming trunks with no underwear. I'm one of those who say he didn't "end" Ja Rule's career, per se, but when was the last time Jeffrey Atkins made you dance? Just saying.


Curtis Jackson's last offering, 'Before I Self Destruct' was a very important album. Not lyrically, because in all honesty, his first and best album, 'Get Rich Or Die Tryin'', even contained meager rhymes with the occasional cool verse. We were willing to over look that short-coming due to his vivid story telling, brute honesty, and trunk-rattle factor, but if an acapella version of 'GRODT' had been given away to the public, I imagine the Frisbee industry would've faced a large decrease in stock value. Even still, 50 Cent changed the game. Where the west coast fizzled, after Suge Knight sabotaged an entire coastline of music, 50, from Queens, New York, did what many artists, regardless of region or race, could not do--revive gangsta rap. It was the veritable height of Hip Hop glamour and glitz when Curtis stepped out with 'How To Rob An Industry Nigga', and thus hardcore street music was back on the rise. Coast to coast, niggas tossed their shiny shirts and expensive eye wear to the side for thigh length white t-shirts, wave caps and eye-covering fitted hats. Grimey was back in style. This was before emo-rap brought emotion & semi-sensitivity back to the forefront, when heartless thug life reigned supreme. And damn, it felt good to be a gangsta.


Truth be told, Tupac had to die for all of this to take place, but that's a drop for another day.


As Kanye West began to gain momentum in the early 2000's though, the (Hip Hop) world began to see that it was okay to be a normal cat. It was nothing wrong with admitting one's faults and poking fun at one's self sometimes, instead of others constantly. Just like in high school, bullies only last for a certain amount of time, before people stop taking them seriously, & start treating them realistically. Being a hoodlum was all to the good, but being nerdy was becoming cool again. What was once Carhartt and Dickies was now Gucci and Louis V. & it's not that Kanye spearheaded the movement, but he became the poster boy for the alternative Hip Hop lifestyle, and folks were feeling it. So much so, that over-sized became the "new" too small. Loud colors became the "new" white tee. Man-bags became the, well, them shits were still man-bags, but that's neither here nor there.


Fast track to 2009's release of 'Before I Self Destruct', and one would be hard pressed not to notice the amount of weight that album shouldered. More than just 50's last obligatory album for Jimmy Iovine, it marked the measuring stick for his rap career, and more importantly, the green mile march of gangsta music as we came to know it.


Although selling a modest amount of records amidst a declining recording industry, 50's album was labeled a failure by many, and wack by most. At the same time, Kid Cudi, Kanye West, Drake, and Lupe Fiasco emerged victorious as the emo-rap wave washed ashore. With 50 Cent's next move in limbo, Hip Hop is now devoid of a true "bad guy", & metrosexual thugs are running this rap shit. Chances are he'll never reign atop the charts ever again, so who's the next knucklehead nigga we can love to hate, hate to love, and try to keep our kids from listening to?


Think about every movie conflict you've ever watched. In most instances, cats root for the bad guy, even if they know his demise is imminent. Hip Hop is no different. We NEED a successful, "I don't give a fuck about none of y'all"-type guy to hate on. That's the reason people drop hundreds of monies on Pit Bulls instead of majestic German Shepards. If that Pit Bull gets loose and eats someone's infant, we know he'll be euthanized, and we might get arrested, but until that day comes, we tote that motherfucking dog around like he's our best friend. American culture loves a bad guy. If not, we wouldn't have re-elected George W. Bush, & Hollywood wouldn't keep giving Samuel L. Jackson the same parts in different movies. &, when we can't find a bad guy, we make one up. Just ask Barack Obama.


50's presence in Hip Hop will surely be missed. If not for lyrics & antagonistic narcissism, then for the sheer magnitude of his asshole behavior, & the coconuts it took to be a moving target for so long. All hail the bad guy.

Farewell, 50...

*no thinking cap required

No shots. Not even warning shots. Just saying...


Hip Hop, rap music more specifically, is mad mundane nowadays. That statement alone is one of the reasons Raekwon's 'OB4CL2' & Slaughterhouse's self-titled albums were so well received by the critical public at large. Also, this is why they didn't sell an ass load of albums, either. More on that later...


The Hip Hop fan has grown accustomed to a certain formula. Brainwashed, perhaps. We've graduated from accepting a mediocre beat, if the lyrics were hot (the '90s) to accepting a bland mixture of okay rhymes & so-so tracks (the '00s) to now, the end of 2000's first decade, & rap music is boring as fuck, for the most part. Sans a handful of artists who genuinely craft witty raps without a bunch of unnecessary violence &/or fantasy lifestyle, & it's the same song, over & over again. It's common knowledge that to be a successful rap guy, your chains, your guns, your cars, & your ability to get bitches ranks higher than your song crafting skills. If we get nothing else, that we get. Multiply that complete lack of originality by some trunk-thumpage that the hood rats & socialites alike can shake their tail fur at, & best believe, somebody somewhere will play your shit, loudly & often, however uninspiring it may be.


"Rewindability" is virtually non-existent at present, unless we're talking about DOOM, Slaughterhouse (as a collective), U-God & Ghostface Killa. Ghostface, not so much because he astounds with the verbiage, but because I don't smoke dust blunts. & even with some rewinding, most dudes still have no idea what the hell he's talking about, unless it's his dick. Pause. If I did smoke the leaf that dare not speak it's name though, something tells me he'd be the illest MC ever to grab the mic. I guess Eminem earned a spot in that group as well, but unlike most rap fanatics, I'm willing to admit that somewhere along his audio journey, Marshall Mathers hit me in the brain with so much awesomeness that I'm now hard pressed to be in awe at the majority of his current masterpieces. His genius has leveled off into normalcy, so to speak. He's more Kobe, less Lebron, if you smell my cologne. Once "greatness" has ascended to such an unattainable altitude, we come to expect nothing less than the best. Which, oddly enough, is detrimental to a degree. I guess that's why you don't mack a female with unmitigated A+ game in the first few months. God forbid you two fall in love, & you used all the heavy artillery just to score some trim. When she gets bored, you can't blame anyone but yourself.


Of course there's more than just who's on my preemptive list, but I'm only attempting to scratch the proverbial surface, not take roll call. This is literally a conversation that could last days, & thousands of words, which neither I nor your attention span is willing to commit to.


Now, you have some artists who by all means have the propensity be great, but operate under such a self-defeating agenda that they refuse to let their own light shine. Lupe Fiasco comes to mind, but he's so much smarter than the rest of us that maybe all this is part of a plan, & his plan is coming together like 2 lesbians on a double-edged deluxe gyrating vibrator. Ha! Kid Cudi is cut from that same cloth, also. In a strange turn of events, his quasi-depressing, melancholy approach at Hip Hop music has become his way of life, knocking cats the eff out & getting thrown off of ridiculously lucrative tours all in the name of anti-love. Toss in a Charles Hamilton, & not only do we see the dark side of "the Force" that Kanye West exposed to the world, but also the reason gangsta rap is on life support. Emo-thuggery is running rampant. Skinny jeans may not be able to conceal weapons, but man-bags & Louis Vuitton backpacks can carry guns, as well as plaid ascots & cashmere mittens.


I, for one, miss the days where I almost had to concentrate on rap music to enjoy it. As of late, it's more like having public conversations with some of my terribly less intelligent homeboys, over loud-ass 808 kicks that only muffle their ignorant jaw-jacking, but unfortunately not quite enough to drown them out entirely. There's no imagination, no drive, no real competitive spirit, outside of viral campaigns, tasteless personal attacks, & episodes of 'Candid Camera', with *insert your favorite rapper* doing his best Alan Funt impersonation. Hip Hop has allowed itself to go from two young, amped up tough guys smoking weed & intensely playing Chess, to two lethargic older cats drinking cheap cognac over a game of Checkers, in between nods & space-out moments. Even when they pick up a piece (no pun intended), everyone knows their next move. It's no wonder people get bored & stop watching them play.


Before the hoopla starts, I'm not one of those golden age veterans, who rubs miscellaneous bottles in hopes that I can wish us back to 1992. Hell, in 1992, I was still a virgin, so, yeah. But, I do wish that more effort would be put into making today's rap a sport again. Not a contact sport, because niggas don't fight any more, but a battle of wits, war of words, per se. Legend has it that, in their hey day, MC Ren & Ice Cube would sit in the studio & write against each other, for the same song. Whoever won that impromptu challenge, won the right to pen Eazy-E's verse, in addition to their own. Or, picture Michael Jackson & Paul McCartney working on 'The Girl Is Mine'. Cats may not hit the bowling alley for beer pretzels & White chicks after the studio session, but best believe they pushed one another to do their best, even if their best was only second place. I'll take second place over last any day of the Christian week.


There seems to be a growing surge of rappers who embrace the basic ethos that separates entertainers from MC's. That's a good look for the culture, plus it's not like folks are running out to drop hard hustled recession dollars on physical albums anyway, even when the record is a genuinely good buy. Ask Raekwon & Slaughterhouse. Might as well give the people what they need, because what they want isn't always what's best for them. Like prostitute sex, regardless how good she looks, she's still a hooker, & we know you can do better than that, mayne.

Blood In The Water

"Controversial rapper Eminem has agreed to refrain from performing homophobic lyrics during an upcoming festival in the United Kingdom next summer... Eminem agreed to sign up after he was assured there would be no protests at the show, according to spokesman David Allison...Eminem also reportedly agreed to both parties demands that he censor his lyrics, to avoid confrontation with the gay rights groups in the country." - organizers of the Wireless festival, via AllHipHop.com


The thing I liked about Em when he first came out was that he was White. Let's be clear; who doesn't enjoy a frantic, nut-bag White dude in their crew? No homo. Not one who's under the misconception that he's somehow been transformed into a Black guy by magical association, but one who genuinely embraces his role as "the White dude", free to smoke ounces of hairy-ass electric blue grass from his bong & guzzle cheap, domestic beer until he passes out. That was Marshall, circa '93-'94, when I first got wind of him. He didn't want to be a nigga, & he made that clear. White ignorance is galaxies away from Black ignorance, but it's all the same cup of idiocy. Gucci Mane & Eminem are like kindred spirits, really though, both eager to capitalize from their willingness to be the eye of attention, at all costs. The only thing that truly separates them is skill level. Em, genuinely talented, & Gucci, well, not so much. & for the record, if Marshall Mathers were Black, don't kid yourself into thinking that he would have been equally as successful. There's plenty of Black rappers who are more talented than Em, but would never reach such a level of prominence. Racism is real, folks, like it or not.


The Eminem we all know & love unofficially died to me when I read this statement. Censorship? Word? Say it ain't so, Marshall! Isn't this the same dude he said something about beating Octomom to death with her fetuses, or something like that? & let millions of fans know that his step-dad diddled his glory hole? Surely a few fag references can't be bad enough to make him swallow his artistic expression. & if anybody fathoms the difficulty in swallowing, it would certainly be some-never mind. Regardless, what true artist allows his tongue to be tied? I could understand if Em was hungry, but dude's not starving at all. Just because he doesn't rap about the finest linens & crab meats & golden chariots doesn't mean he's not indulging. I mean, sure, he refuses to stop wearing those God-forsaken Jordan track suits, & until a year ago, he was the only White guy in America with enough balls to still be wearing a wave cap under a teamless fitted cap, but don't let his humble appearance fool you. What's the use of being one of the nicest rap dudes if you're so easily persuaded to edit yourself? I was under the impression that he "just don't give a fuck". How bad could a gay protest be, in the UK? No shots. Perhaps old age & sobriety have caught up with our proverbial bad guy. Expect Vanilla Ice to emerge from his Floridian cocaine binge & challenge Em to a rap-off in the near future.


I tend to stay away from Eminem conversations, because he has a very Tupac-esque following, but I think even the most adamant Shady follower would agree that such back-pedaling is tantamount to bleeding in a shark's den. I was completely fine with him orchestrating a face full of man crotch on national tv. I thought it was funny, except for the part where he attempted to have us believe it to be true, & that he wanted to kick Sasha Baron Cohen's Armenian camel saddle for waggling his snake charmer where Em's mustache should be, only to be outed by an Mtv executive online. To go through all that trouble of Spider-Maning that dude from the ceiling, dressed as Cee Lo Green, only to back pedal was a waste of a good publicity stunt.


On one hand, I do believe that once a celebrity reaches a certain level of exposure, at least a scant amount of responsibility should be taken for what's released to the public. But I'm a realist, & if motherfuckers are too dense to raise their own children, then don't be mad if they come home with eyelid tats & sexually confused behaviors. If Em wants to rap about whatever he sees fit, then as a man, he should stand by his original thought process. Why waste so much time & money, only to let a crowd of ambiguous stone-throwers decide what's best for the rest of the listening populous? When he did that performance with Elton John, to show the homosexual community how harmless he was, it made sense that he slowed up with the gay bashing afterwards. At that point in his career, it was a good move. A couple of records down the line, & one would be a bit hard pressed to find the same homophobic hatred that had existed on the 'Marshall Mathers LP'. But, to release 'Relapse', which was probably his most "important" album, rife with some of the most offending lyrics of 2009, & be tethered by a threat of limp wrist revolt is astounding. What I would do is, make them think I'm going with the program, hit the stage & go all out, possibly doing some new music, full of the most offensive lyrics I could think of. Not only would that be great publicity, but it would be a glimpse into part of the reason the world fell in love with Em to begin with. He could even take it a notch beyond, & get drunk on stage. What's the worse they can do to him. Not buy his records? Any existing fan of his music is sitting patiently by their computer's waiting for a hard body moment to restore faith in their musical messiah. Why not now?


Let us take a moment to notice the power & momentum that the gay community is achieving in the world today. Just saying...


Part of the charm of the Eminem phenomenon was his unwillingness to conform, & the fact that he could say things that the average young rap star couldn't. Imagine the alarms that would ring if Tony Yayo said he wanted to rape Brittany Spears. Not that he's a star, but you smell my cologne. Popular White females are the Holy Grail of Hollywood, & Marshall has made violent, sexually perverse threats at all of them. Had he been Black, he would've been White-balled for sure. Em should embrace that power & continue to pillage the world for their monies, like he's been doing.


Fuck biting my tongue, that shit hurts. & if you've ever tried to put a Band-Aid on your tongue, you know how much that sucks.

Are You Guccified?

Gucci Mane is easily the most popular rapper right now. Ugh. Next to the dump truck loads of hate that T.I. is receiving for an early, early release, Gucci Gucci stays in people's mouths (no prison humor).


Not since Lil Wayne's proverbial apex roughly 2 years ago has there been such an even playing field of adoration & loathing. Really though, Gucci is one of only 2 rap acts on the Billboard top ten, as of today, or something like that. Don't quote me. Funny thing, I've only heard his music twice; on a family trip to Shreveport, Louisiana, where I don't necessarily expect them to know any better (no shots, but you should see some of their street lights), & at a DMV picnic, the perfect culmination of food, liquor & ignorance. Imagine the horror that surged my veins when I saw 8 year olds shaking their future thong holders to Gucci explaining the different ways he can beat up a vagina. My word, not his. Actually, there was one other time, but I didn't know it was Gooch until later. There was 3 extremely greasy young cats, smoking weed in their car, bouncing around & repeating "I'm the shit, bitch!" in time with the music. They couldn't have been older than 18, with their neon clad t-shirts & untamed multi-mullets. But, they looked like those 90 year old ladies who, when they get the Holy Ghost, James Brown up & down the church aisles. Silly, out-of-touch me, I had know idea what the big deal was, but my curiosity was piqued as they drove away in their Kia Sportage. Yeah, a Sportage, so they were probably gay too, in addition to being receptive to awesomely horrid "music". When I found out that was a Gucci Mane song, the puzzle pieces began to take shape. Those poor kids were being Guccified, right before my very eyes. Had I have known that then, I would've lunged into that little car, & attempted to rescue them from their fate. By now though, they've probably already gotten eyebrow & neck tattoos, & more neon shirts. Raekwon help us all.


I believe, in order to be a pop icon, there has to be an unlimited amount of ignorance within ink-covered arms distance. Remember how there was that one retarded kid at your school who EVERYBODY knew? Even the bullies, barely above him academically, had mad love for that critter. It's that same neanderthal appeal that draws massive amounts of clearly sane people into these pop culture phenomenons, subsequently lowering their standards & expectations to become part of the movement. Gucci Mane is as clearly a celebrity as he is a fool, so why would his celebration be any different? Answer: it's not.


Congratulations! You've been Guccified.


Nowadays, all the things that made a rapper an "MC" have been forsaken, lost, forgotten & replaced by the cloak of douchbaggery. Skills have taken a back seat to finance. When the argument is made that Gucci obviously lacks said skill set, the response in most cases is a warm-hearted, "Stop hatin', bitch! Gucci gettin' all dat paypah, fuck boy!". Or something to that effect. Talent is now overshadowed by appearance. Like a preacher; never mind how sincere his message may, or may not be, what truly matters how nice his suit & watch are, or in some cases, how fancy his robe is. Gucci is so high up on the "look at me" ladder that he doesn't even need to wear shirts. No clothing manufacturer's wares/wears can exemplify, or contain, such a tremendous amount of nigganometry. Seriously, Gucci is so hood that his magical tattoos probably incinerate shirts as soon as they touch his canvas-y flesh. Or maybe I'm over thinking it, & to him, it's not worth the hassle of pulling a $500 scmedium tee over your arms when they're covered with Wonder Woman bracelets & 2-3 divers watches.


[tony's note: gotta love that irony of divers watches on niggas that don't swim...]


For all Gucci Mane's mono-syllabic word play & modernized shuck & jive (complete with "chains & whips"), he seem cognizant enough to have embraced the concept of "hate". There are hordes, legions if you will, of anti-Gucci Maners, who spout nothing more than his hopeful demise. Publicity is publicity, whether good or abundantly bad. & on some level, he must understand that if one takes the time to say, or type "Fuck Gucci", then they have, in essence, taken the time to say, or type "Fuck Gucci". If he doesnt, then he wouldn't have so much zing in his voice when he scoffs at the haters who make him so, umm, popular. Dig, if X-amount of people continuously tell me how bad something is, at some point, if only out of sheer boredom, I'm going to try it at least once. Like the time I boned a really skinny girl just because I'd heard how unsatisfying an experience it would be.


[tony's other note: do not try that at home...]


My big homie Combat Jack had a drop on Daily-Math.com about how enamored he'd become with Gucci, against his will. Although I value his opinion as much as Dallas Penn's, I wasn't quite sold on giving G. Mane a voluntary listen until I got to the comments of the drop. "Wow", I thought aloud. 95% of the responses made this guy sound like the worst rapper ever. So naturally, I set aside any preconceived notions one would have about a nigga named "Gucci Mane", & gave him another shot. The music wasn't that bad. The music, meaning the instrumentation, production & mix-down of the song, mind you. The lyrics, however, made me feel like I forfeited my junior & senior years in high school. I found myself thinking twice before using any words with less than 3 syllables for the duration of that day. In his defense, though, I've never heard him say that he's the best rapper alive, or anything remotely close. I'm sure he'd confess to being extraordinarily mediocre, if his lexicon allowed either word. & I'm positive he couldn't care less about not having that accolade. Him receiving the newest cover of XXL doesn't help matters either, because there's undoubtedly a nation of under achieving up-&-coming rappers who'll follow his mold, without ever once attempting to be clever on the mic. & every time they see him count a stack of dough, or yank one of his slave chains in gaudy, tastless defiance, they'll lick their lips, knowing that the rap game ain't what it used to be.


Gucci Mane's success stems largely from his buffoonish behavior reaching comical levels. One would be hard pressed not to note that everytime he has an important album release date pending, he has an equally, if not more so, important court date looming as well. Coincidence? Possibly. Hilarious? Without a doubt. America's love affair for such stupidity is nothing new, but Hip Hop was an untapped resource for such idiocy about 15 years ago. Now, rappers provide just as much levity as Wee-man & Steve-O, back in their hey days, putting raw chickens in their adult diapers while wading a river chock with crocodiles. Imagine, as entertaining as "we" thought 50's online antics were over the last year or so, just imagine how funny it was to a room full of caucassian stuffed-shirts, who'd enjoy monkeys jumping around cages & throwing shit at each other just as much. If the monkey's hump trees, that's a bonus.


For what it's worth, God bless Gucci. I hope his success is long lasting. His kids should be straight, his bills should be paid, & just maybe he'll put all his profit to good use in his community. Yeah right. That nigga needs more jewelry & cars. He says so himself like, on every song. Even still, good luck & Godspeed Radrick, Dredrick, or whatever his momma named him.

...word to David Blaine.

It's almost that time, people.

ATLien ex-trap rapper Clifford Harris d/b/a T.I.(P.) is set to be released from federal custody within the next several months. Appropriately, the 'Net is buzzing with his name again. If you're not familiar with his year-ish prison term for attempting to purchase a mexican village's amount of firepower, then congrats! That means that you actually have a life rife with things of genuine importance. Unless, of course, you're a denizen of the world wide Hip Hop community, & it's surrogate attachment to the World Wide Web, where information is never limited or scarce. & in that case, you know almost every detail of this man's life.


In reality though, none of us truly know what this dude's been through over the past couple of years. A chain of events that more or less began with his best friend/personal assistant Philant Johnson being shot & killed in front of him. An act that T.I. has shouldered the responsibility for. So much so, that immediately following, T.I. apparently decided it was necessary to take matters into his own hands. Or at least take the steps to do so, attempting to purchase said weaponry for speculated retaliation. Fast track to today, with his pending release date from a mid-west federal facility being tossed back & forth between gossip websites & teenage girl's big mouths. After his conviction, but before his "leave of absence", Clifford went balls to the wall on a campaign to change the lives of at-risk young adults, even going so far as to having a reality show geared toward their self betterment. A proverbial road to redemption, as opposed to their obvious roads to perdition.


With being a spectacle, comes backlash. T.I. has been called a snitch, bitch & everything in between since his relatively light sentence was handed down. Even some of the "fans" he had turned their respective backs, based on nothing but second hand rambling & mere speculation. For legal insights, though, email Combat Jack. It's always entertaining to read/see/hear all the negative energy hurled at this man out of sheer ignorance, or a half-assed "knowledge" of how the legal system operates. Of all the derogatory slurs thrown around in regards to T.I., who most of these critics have never met, & won't ever meet, "fraud" is my personal favorite. In the last 3 days alone, I've read/seen/heard him called a fraud more times then the requisite "snitch".


Word? What exactly did he do to be labeled a fraud? Please, someone clarify this for me. & really, save the "keep it real" speech for underage pot heads who believe the government is tapping their cell phone & AIDS is only a Black man's disease.


Case in point; Bernie Madoff. He lied, schemed, scammed, shimmied, fanagled, hornswaggled & nigga-rigged his was to a fortune, ruining thousands of unsuspecting lives along the way. Bernie Madoff is a fraud, really though.


Arnold Schwarzeneggar. He lied, mislead, made empty promises, proposed change, ran smear campaigns, all for the sake of becoming California's governor, only to turn around & destroy it's economy, ruin it's job market, punish hard working citizens with layoffs & furloughs, etc. Arnold Schwarzeneggar is a fraud, really though.


Milli Vanilli. God bless the dead one, with their awesome lip-syncing, horrible hair extensions, & those ridiculous biker shorts/sports coat combos, was a fraud, really though.


Dig?


If anything, from my vantage point, he seems to have fallen victim of not being able to make the discernment between real & fake. Although, I believe that now, it's an easier task to accomplish. Prison has a way of enlightening cats beyond their perceptions of themselves. After all, it is intended rehabilitation, & I, for one, think that it works, for the most part. I've said it before, I predict he'll reemerge anew, with a story to tell & a lesson to teach. If I'm wrong, he's a douche nozzle, & deserves every bit of ill will he receives. Somebody's gotta take a stand against negative lifestyles & fabricated realities. So, why not somebody millions of misguided kids, & their equally as misguided parents, listen to?


But, beyond his ordeal, is the fact that so many rap fans take Hip Hop music as some sort of tutorial for life. It's not. Not one iota. Especially the rap dudes who make truck loads of money by pimping their perverted fantasies. In all realness, what they say can be 100% truth, but by no stretch of imagination does that qualify it to be studied, followed, & executed like some sort of history lesson. If I believed everything rappers said, I'd have dozens of kids, millions of ill-gotten dollars & multiple charges on me, from kidnapping to drug trafficking to murder. I used to listen to Eminem heavy. That alone would have had me in a padded room, word to 'Bonnie & Clyde'.


Just because T.I. had some street-worthy lyrics about a lifestyle that he may or may not have partaken in, doesn't make him a role model. Therefore, why does anything he says have any weight? My dad used to tell me all the time, as a kid, "don't smoke cigarettes." He did this, as he...smoked a cigarette. Did I call him a fraud? Was he fake? Or a bitch? Of course not, & this is a man that I've loved all my life. Clearly I'd be hurt if he didn't practice what he preached. So, how is it that a complete stranger, who the only connection I have with is through anonymous music, can hurt me so much with words without any tangible girth? Well not me, but you smell my cologne.


Maybe it's the lack of things the youth have to grab on to, that makes us gravitate towards bull shit, then cry "Bull shit!" when we knew it was bull shit all along. Or maybe, since there are no more heroes, we turn to bright & shiny things, like moths, in hopes of something that's not really there. Entertainment is the biggest optical/auditory illusion ever. Everybody involved in it is no different than David Blaine as far as I am concerned, & I know damn well that nigga can't fly, catch a bullet in his teeth or hold his breath for a week straight, even though I've seen him do all those things with my own eyes.


[tony's note: weezy might prolly wanna get in touch with blaine right about now, & learn the art of invisibility...]

Douche Nozzle of the Decade

'Entertainment Weekly' just announced that Kanye West's debut album, 'College Dropout', is the album of the decade. Whether I agree or not is unimportant. What is important however, is that I'm always suspicious of a bunch of White people telling me how good something is. I'm almost positive the exact same thing happened in Africa, some half a millennium ago, when a bunch of filthy, underweight, scurvy-infected pirates convinced a handful of tribal patriarchs that their servants & field hands would enjoy a trip on their big, shiny boats. You see where that got us, right? If I was a (bigger) douche nozzle, I'd say that by that same standard, people should've been leary of Barack Obama. Just saying. Anyway, these so-called "Best of..." lists are always funny to me, because who decides who wins & loses? Somebody somewhere is always winning some type of award, but who the fuck has the say so?


Case in point; Flo Rida's album 'R.O.O.T.S.' was nominated for a Grammy. Dude, the only people I know that have his album are horny fat chicks & openly gay guys. Not that I condone either lifestyle, but I don't judge. I'm not to familiar with the Grammy nomination process, but I know Flo Rida's music is shit biscuits. No shots, but I just don't get how his music is worthy of such a prestigious accolade. That 'Low' song is at least a year & a half old, & it's not even on this 'R.O.O.T.S.' album. It would appear he's paid a visit to those homo's & hippo's, but what do I know? The closest I've ever been to a "Grammy" was not being able to pronounce my mom's mom's name correctly as a toddler, so eff my opinion regardless.


I don't know if Kanye's album was they best of a ten-year period, but it was damn good. & I don't need a bunch of soccer moms who think fist-bumps are cool to convince me of that. Hip Hop-wise, I'd be more apt to say it was 50 Cent's 'Get Rich Or Die Tryin', but I like my music with a little aggression. Kanye, even when he throws out a curse word or two, is always a safe bet. On the other hand, I'd definitely give him the "Douche Bag of the Decade" award. The only possible way he could be more of a jerk is if he shaved off his mustache. Only a tool bag would carry around man bags & wear a shag long enough to trick uppity negro babies into thinking it was cool, then swiftly cut it off. Only an asshole would walk a red carpet holding a bottle of Hennessey, swigging away like he hated his liver, on camera. I know hard body alcoholics, with no morals or standards, who wouldn't do that, because they know how pompous they'd look. Poor & dirty, but pompous nonetheless.


Many have said it before, but Kanye's "life threatening" car accident was indeed the turning point in his life, & career as well. But, the audience missed the point. The song 'Through The Wire' wasn't about overcoming adversity to become a champion. It was a direct slap in our faces, an advertisement that he was now transformed into a bigger, stronger Kanye. & he's better than everyone. That's the kind of impetuous attitude one must have to walk into Louis Vuitton's home building & demand an internship. Shit, niggas wouldn't walk into Macy's & demand a job, so that's an example of the elephant balls dude's got tucked away in his mandex jeans. Let us be reminded that this man went on record, research if you choose, saying that he would prefer to be referred to as Martin Louis the King, Jr. Wtf?


I'm positive Kanye smokes clove cigarettes. If you've ever met anyway who smokes clove cigarettes, you know exactly what I'm talking about.


One has to wonder, if you will, what types of shenanigans this cat has up his sleeves for 2010. He'd be hard pressed to top schmedium mohawks & sunglasses that resemble window blinds. If he & Amber Rose get married, like they're rumored to do, then he will have legitimately become rap music's David Bowie. A misunderstood sonic genius, trapped in shiny, too small clothing with an exotic, overrated model by his side. & before Brad Garrett & Mike Tyson made it trendy to spaz on paparazzi, Kanye was in Europe, surrounded by what seemed to be flamboyant superheroes, screaming at the top of his shirt-constricted lungs about his right to privacy. The same privacy one forfeits once they decide to tread down the road of popular music. The same privacy that douches expect to have, as you go out & support their products, even when they do their best Peter Frampton impersonations.


[tony's note: peter frampton was using the vocorder long before roger troutman...]


Since these "list" are so important to modern society, unlike homelessness, disease & poverty, I'm sure he'll end up on some "People to watch" compilation with other like-minded doorknobs. Expect him to buy some African kids, move to Russia, get a reality show, or stop wearing shoes altogether, within the next 10 years.


[tony's next note: if i left out any jackassery, feel free to remind me...]

emo thugs>gangstaz

Being born & raised in the real Los Angeles, California (as opposed to cities that are just part of Los Angeles County, no shots), I'm partial to my gangster rap. Always have been. I was in the 3rd grade when my friend Eric snuck Ice T's '6 n da mornin' 12 inch into our class. Yes hetero. That day, we went to his house & enjoyed the smug posturing of Tracy Marrow, the OG. My uncle introduced me to King Tee's music not too long after, before the release of his debut 'Act A Fool', & the day my dad took me to the Slauson Swapmeet to buy N.W.A.'s 'Straight Outta Comptown', & Eazy-E's 'Eazy Duz it', it was a wrap. For those unaware, this is where west coast gangster music was spawned. Every one of those covers had at least 2 things in common. Niggas & guns. Gangsta, indeed. & don't get me started on how slept-on Compton's Most Wanted & DJ Quik are.


That gansta music spead like wildfire. Everybody's city had there own brand of realness to share with the world. & it was all good; every hood has a story to tell. But, let the records show that it started in California, & it looks like it came home to die. The only man I see trying to administer CPR right now is Game. There's only one problem. He's not a gangster rapper. For all intents & purposes, he's more emo-thug than gangsta. Granted, he influenced the Blood nation more than DJ Quik & Mack 10 combined in the 90's, but everybody's a gangster these days. Notice the ratio of rappers to gang-bangers now, versus 10 years ago. 15. Anytime before that, if you claimed it, you had better be living it. Not just throwing on blue or red & gathering every loser you grew up with for your video shoot.


Game's sole purpose is, & always was, to revitalize the west coast by means of what we know. Gangsta music. But, in between willingly putting a whole coast on his back, it seems he didn't learn enough from the forefather's, especially with so much emotion-charged Hip Hop dominating the scenes. Seriously, he would have done major damage had he put on some skinny jeans. Same name dropping, same butterfly tattoo even. It's not even an issue of why or why not emo-rap is popular, it's just that gangsta rap is dead.


Today's Hip Hop fan has evolved from the mindless music fanboy who found excitement in the caveats of hardcore 80's war stories. But, don't tell Game that. He's still hanging with the boys in the hood, driving around aimlessly in his lowriders, & gang banging like this was Little Rock, Arkansas. For the record, Game is as talented as the rest. I like his music, but there's only so much repetition one man can stomach. I couldn't care less about the authenticity of his gang affiliation. It doesn't matter to me if, however comical, he was a pole dancer. [||]? What matters is that, unless you troll the covertly hidden underground scene--which is actually awesome out here, Hip Hop is homeless in L.A. I wouldn't mind a dude taking a stand for the city, or the state, or the coast. A man who's not scared to be a mouth piece, regardless of the hate. But also a man willing to admit that relevance is tethered to what's current, like it or not.


Alas, Game can't save Cali Hip Hop. Neither can Snoop. Not even to sure about Glasses Malone & Bishop Lamont either. Ice Cube even knew that, that's why in the mid 90's, he did what the Clippers need to do-move out of Los Angeles for better opportunity.


Let the 'Nets tell it, & there's no such thing as a regional bias, so this sentence alone could blow my whole theory to smitherens.

Hip Hop for Vegetarians

I really hope this rumor about Jay-Z doing the 'Empire State of Mind' remix with NaS AND 50 Cent isn't true. Think of the possibilities...


Is this where it's headed? 2009 was the year of the emo-rapper, I get that. I kinda figured 2010 would find us with more emo-thugs, like Game. Imagine how I felt when my dude Don McCaine dropped this info on me last night. For the sake of conversation, I'm just going to consider it true, not to mention it's plastered on the interwebs. & we all know everything on the 'Net is factual.


After a less than excited Young Jeezy made amends with an incarcerated Gucci Mane, & "Freeway" Rick Ross wrangled a handful of unimportant Hip Hop "stars" for a peace summit (via telephone--do people still use those things?), I guess I should've expected so much. Well, maybe not something of this magnitude. NaS, I could see him squashing all unnecessary beefs, for the sake of making all the dough he can. Hell, he might want to start making some new friends while he's at it. Just saying. But if this is Jay's way of being the bigger man, I fear it will backfire in a most unattractive way. As much as I'm a fan of Curtis Jackson, I'm aware that he's not to be trusted further than he can be thrown. & Jay's never appeared terribly muscular to me. There are just certain things you can't do, when it comes to disagreements.


My nigga Federal Ranga (www.youtube.com/federalranga) addressed "beefs" on his vlog, & made some good points as to when not to bow down. This, for Jigga Man, is one of those times. Even if, as I read on the grossly misspelled pages of AllHipHop.com, this is for the unification of New York, 50's a bully. This move would be the equivalent of buying your ex-wife's boyfriend lunch, after you found out she was pregnant by him. You're already kind of removed from ground zero, but it still stings enough to where a handshake is about as far as the relationship can go. & as he sips his Ice Tea, & makes small talk about sports, all he's thinking is, "Ha ha, that's my uterus now, punk!". If Jay wants to prove to the fans that he's bigger [||], than have lunch with the nigga at one of the L.A. spots that the paparazzi seem to sleep outside of. But, to put him on a song with you? That's just too close for comfort, no Monroe.


To the outside world, that would just seem like a chump way to go out. Granted, 50 hasn't launched a furious attack on Jay (yet...), but he's made it clear that he takes him for a joke. I applaud Jay for not lowering himself to such standards, but he hasn't responded on wax at all. If you've been on that high road all this time, there's no reason to deviate. Really though, if Beyonce had've kicked Kelly Rowlands' ass the other day at court, we wouldn't even be having this conversation.


For the record, I don't believe it to be true, but I also laughed when cats told me that Jay was taking Oprah Windbag to the projects. Imagine my surprise when I saw footage of them sitting on some steps discussing why he smelled so good. It was probably a crack house nearby, & we all know Oprah used to-never mind.


This takes me back to my initial question...is this where it's headed? Is "friendly guy" the new "mad rapper"? I hope not. It's not that I like beef, but put it this way; would you watch football if all the players were buddies, & knew each other's moms' & shit? Hell nah, because than it would be like a flag football game. Same with Hip Hop. If everybody's "cool" with one another, then where's the competitive nature? "Friendly competition" is an actual phrase simply because there's nothing "friendly" about wanting to crush your opponent. & let us not forget Laws of Power #3, #14, & #21, because I'll bet my collection of porn that Curtis hasn't.


[tony's note: yeah, you need to get that book...]


This could set off quite the chain of events, & rest assured Game would be the first link. This collaboration would certainly be enough to set his ADD/Bi-polar disorder into over drive. Dude might kill himself in the vocal booth, while recording a song, just to let niggas know he serious he is about his beef. & Beans would most likely just stop rapping all together, & take it back to the block, literally & figuratively. Them dudes would need MORE security at that point, because I imagine Beanie would be at every show he could, waiting to rob them cats time after time. Like the industry's personal Deebo.


I'm sure we've all heard that LOX are releasing their next album on Bad Boy, after quelling their feud. & Puff & Jay have been hanging out with each other lately. & Puffy Combs is the devil. & Jay-Z worships the devil. If Jay is bringing 50 into this realm, do the math. If Beyonce starts singing Aaliyah songs, I'm getting the fuck out of dodge.


Stay tuned as this drama unfolds.

D.I.Y. or D-I-E!

You guy's remember Drake? Yeah, the rap dude from Canada with the prosthetic knee. I bet you been waiting on his album to drop, haven't you? You ain't gotta lie, that's why we use screen names & shit. 'Thank Me Later' was pushed back twice already this year, despite the overwhelming buzz, the major label re-release of his mixtape 'So Far Gone', 2 grammy nominations, & countless features throughout the latter half of the year. After January's date was shafted, It was scheduled to be released on Valentine's Day of 2010, but again, no dice. Drake was selling out shows & doing PR work before he even signed with Young Money. Some might say, including me, he was a bigger star without "anyone" helping him.


Drake is what you call a Grade Curve Axis. Like it or not, 2009 success was graded according to what he did. If you had an album on a shelf, & weren't as popular as this dude, with his only offering being a mixtape, & then the rehashing of said mixtape, then you didn't do well enough.


In industry terms, dude was the complete package: built-in fan base, good looking [||], penchant for crafting music teenagers can get pregnant to, & he had the co-sign of Lil Wayne, arguably the most relevant rapper of the last couple of years. Yet & still, he received as many album releases speed bumps as the most established dudes. Odd, no? He was rap music's poster boy, & with the snap of some old White guy's fingers, he's in limbo, much like your favorite rapper.


I predict that 2010 will see many more artists going the independent route, permanently. Before, indie was the yellow brick road to major stardom. I don't see that staying the same, what with the industry climate, & recession & more wack rappers getting shine than I can shake a wack stick at. Guys like Charles Hamilton, who had the right idea but failed miserably, will become the norm. After all, an artist's dream is to be paid for their masterpieces. That's not going to happen though, as long as the entertainer allows record executives to have sex with their futures. Might as well masturbate, so to speak, & be solely in charge of the outcome.


[tony's note: ha! i didn't notice that zinger until I typed it!...]


Wanna be rap stars beware. These labels aren't playing fair, have no interest in your prosperity, & would quicker leave you a penniless bum than make you a star. When I was younger, phase 2 of being a "rapper" was trotting your demo tape into an office & meeting some douche nozzle A&R, with the hopes of tickling his fancy [||] enough to be considered on their roster. Nowadays, the requirements are hoops & hurdles so extreme that, by the time you make a name for yourself, what would you need a label for. It's pimping & pandering, & niggas are lining up to go pro. Or, maybe not.


We can all thank Soulja Boy for having the balls to go for broke on his own laurels & scruples. This one goofy kid turned to 'Net into his personal billboard, & that move took him to the top of Billboard. Anybody who doubted him is surely kicking themselves in the ass while their great-grandparents "superman that hoe" at their 50th wedding anniversary. His was a definite game changer, & not a trend as the big whigs hoped it would be. Maybe if they wise up, the recording industry can salvage whatever control of our ears they have left. People don't want to hear what "they" want us to hear, & that's why radio is dying as I type. Even satellite radio is catching a bad rap. What happened with the radio was tasteless program directors, payola, & a tainted musical gene pool, offering little-to-no talent. Who the fuck wants to hear a Flo Rida song, much less in constant rotation between 4 different shows? Those with the talent were relegated to the underground circuit, or the DJ mix shows that only spun real rap from 12 to 2 AM. They would've been better not playing those albums at all, because when the people noticed that there's still good music to be had, they demanded it. & when those jerks refused to play "good" music, opting instead to shove overwhelming amounts of monkey shit down our collective throats, the radio lost all credibility as a reliably source of music. At that exact point, the 'Net became the place to be. & has been ever since. The last time I listened to urban radio, G-Unit was still selling records.


My dad always said, "If you want something done right, do it yourself". Word. Once rappers truly understand how easily that can be achieved, labels better take notice or get turned off, just like the radio.

small things to a GIANT...

50 Cent's last album, 'Before I Self Destruct', isn't moving Fiddy's usual amount of units. Blame the downloads from the 'Net prelease(c), blame the egregious, self-centered behaviors exhibited by Curtis over the last 5 years, blame the decline of physical record sales for most artists, hell, blame the Hip Hopper's ear finally growing deaf to mediocre lyrics & less than stellar word play--just don't tell Gucci Mane that, because he won't believe you. But, I'll bet there's one thing that no man can possibly blame his current, lackluster status on.


Any. Other. Rapper.


In all seriousness, Curtis Jackson is a giant. Maybe not by Yao Ming implications, but definitely in his presence. People say his name like Candyman. Let it be the wrong nigga doing so, & the after effects would mimic those in the movie of the same name. There's no denying that 50 Cent is arguably the most popular rapper in the world, in the same weight class as Jay-Z, Eminem, & Snoop Dogg. Having such stature avails one's self to copious amounts of high self esteem, at borderline toxic levels. This is evident in his career-long taunting of lesser opponents, starting with Ja Rule who, coincidentally, hasn't been the same since. Those who chose to bite his bait, usually find themselves in a battle that's 20% rap records, 10% aggression, & 70% real-time humiliation. It's not so much that he defeats his enemies, per se, but their lives, played out for the public to nitpick & dissect, implode & cave around them. If there was some type of WBF-esque record, he'd be like 9W, 0L, 1T. That "tie" would go to Rick Ross, just because 50's flailing record sales coincide with their on-going rivalry. Indeed, 50 pulled all the punches in attempts to discredit Ross' existence, like any good bully should, but ultimately, Ross released the better music. & after all, this is the music industry, no?


Besides, something as small as record sales isn't going to stop Curtis from running his trap about how great he is. He's a "musical" monolith, word to the Washington Monument. The only man surly enough to knock him down to mortal standards isn't responding to his teasing. & rightly so, because as soon as Jay-Z utters the smallest non-subliminal word about 50, there's a more than slight chance that 50 would rip Shawn Carter's personal life to itty bitty pieces, then lay them out, one by one, for the (rap) world to see. I don't care how tough a rap dude believes himself to be, no cat (or kitten) wants all his backyard business sitting on front street. So who then, if anyone is in a position to strike a blow? David, thats who.


"David? Fuck is David, sun?"


I don't mean a nigga named David, unless it's sheer coincidence. I mean "David", as in 'David & Goliath'. A smaller, lesser known, everything to gain, nothing to lose-type guy, who can actually hold their own weight, lyrically, without a closet full of skeletons pining for release. The first name that comes to mind is Drake. Now, I'm the first one to tell you never trust a nigga without a mustache, but in his defense, this fella seems relatively harmless in the real world. What's the worse thing he could've done in his life? Aside from not concentrating on growing said mustache. Broken a few Mulatto hearts in Ottowa? Not answered some 'Degrassi High' fan's emails? He doesn't rap about anything that could be misconstrued as "lies", so where would that leave our protagonist? It would leave him with no choice but to actually have to engage in a rap battles, as opposed to making sitcom's based on celebrity lives like the MTV. Because, contrary to popular belief, if Drizzle puts down the vagina monologue & empty bragging, he can actually string some cool verbiage together. Maybe after it's all said & done, they can co-star in a remake of 'Forrest Gump. Lead role optional. No homo, just in case.


If not him, I've been hearing about this dude from Gary, Indiana. Word is he was addicted to Oxycodone, used to rob trains (yes nigga, trains!), has a few gun charges on his resume, was a certified hustler (which can mean a bevy of things these days), & was honorably discharged from boot camp for selling dope & getting drunk. Oh, & dude can rap a taste, also. His name Freddie Gibbs. Don't let the name fool you. Dude's tearing up the mixtape circuit right now, & the mere fact that he has facial hair makes him a more formidable opponent than Aubrey Graham, before he even starts rapping.


See, Ross went at Fiddy with the weapons he had. Rhymes, however unimpressed. Had he not had the team of producers (J.U.S.T.U.S. League), & instead just some home grown talent, looking to make a name for themselves, I doubt Rick's impact would have been so noticeable. He got "lucky", so to speak. Ross is far from a good MC, but good production is like an expensive weave. That shit can fool you long enough, & by the time you find out how bald her head really is, you're already knee-deep in fornication, so that shit no longer matters anyway.


Plenty of 50's targets either ducked & dodged or plead the fifth. Jadakiss was one of the few who decided to spar with the champ, & after they exchanged a few blows, the "fight" was over. Maybe 50 got scared? Maybe 'Kiss decided it may not be worth it. NaS found himself on the business end of a Curtis dis, & he maintained his solidarity until Fif got bored & found something else to sniff around. Of course, there's more people who had the sheer coconuts to stand up to him, but I think Fif knew when he was realisitcally out-"skilled". Like I've said dozens of times, he's a smart motherfucker.


My big homie Combat Jack wishes for a 50/Jay battle, but I'd love to see a young, up & coming rap cat 50 Cent Curtis Jackson.


[tony's note: see what I just did there...?]


[tony's next note: BISD is a good album. fuck what ya heard...]

Beanie Sigel: Before He Self Destructs

Damn. It's been about a month or so, & Beanie Sigel is making good on his promise of keeping his "foot on Jay-Z's neck". For all those who say it's for attention/promotion/career jump start, I'd be hard pressed to disagree at this point. Jay-Z has yet to respond, though. It kinda reminds me of the last "argument" I got into with my baby mom's. She yelled & screamed, in front of a church no less, even worked up some tears, telling me I don't do shit for my kids. Even though my daughter was living with me at the time. Odd, no? That type of blind flailing is always indicative of attention seeking melodrama, with little to no substance. Once I didn't respond-just looked as bewildered as I was pissed-she stomped to her car & drove away. Yeah, this Beanie/Jay situation is reminding me a lot like a scorned women's misguided passion...


"I'm looking for a response. I know I'm a bully but it ain't no fun if he don't swing back. Swing back, man."
-Beanie Sigel


I've come across a slew of bullies in my life. I've never heard one say "swing back, man." Bullies lack the nobility it takes to allow said bullying to be competitive. That would be like, instead of him taking your lunch money, he just stands there while you order yours, then tells you want he wants. A bully's sole intention is to discredit your humanity, one "punch" at a time. If Beans was really bullying Jay, he wouldn't want a response. Carusso doesn't slap Chris' books out of his hand, call him "Hambone", then hang around for a rebuttal. Instead he keeps walking, & does the same type shit the next day. Beans wouldn't taunt us with the possibility of information that would change the way Jay's perceived, if he was a true bully. That would've been the concept of the first track. 50's a bully. George H. W. Bush is a bully. Hell, for that matter Judge Judy is a bully. You think 'The Gooch' ever took his foot outta Arnold Jackson's ass & told him to do something back? No dice. Beans may need to watch some 'Everybody Hates Chris' & 'Diff'rent Strokes', respectively, take some notes & rethink his position.


At this juncture, this is really beginning to seem like a one-sided lover's quarrel. Peep the "delusional" factor. Anybody with the displeasure of having a B.M. knows that they have impressive imaginations. Some going as far as alleging abuse, & when DCS finds no tangible evidence to continue the case, the B.M. insists that paid professionals don't know what they're doing. Amazing, right? For the sake of their own "sanity", their irrational thinking must constantly evolve. Delusions, illusions, & fantasies play a large part in fueling their hatred. God forbid they gain some insight to the truth, & realize that maybe, their mind's just playing tricks on them.


"I played music for Jay, when I was working on The Solution album...There were song concepts on there. I had a song on that joint with no hook on it. I told him it didn't need no hook on it. He got a song 'I don't need no hook for this shit.' I had a song on there called 'Prayer,' he got a song called 'Pray.'"
-Beanie Sigel


If I had a nickel for every time some rap dude said something I said or told to somebody else, I'd have enough dough to buy a Bentley. I'd pull up to the lot in a U-Haul, open the cargo door & make it rain loose change. As complex & intricate as music can be, rap seems to gravitate to a limited amount of subjects. Sure, praying isn't that popular on the list, but DMX can say the same thing to Beans, if he wasn't busy continuing his legacy of crack-ish behaviors. & didn't Jermaine Dupri, or St. Lunatics or Nelly come out with a song entitled 'No Hooks' or 'What The Hook Gon' Be?' or something? Now had Beans let Jay hear a song about him losing his virginity, & Jay released a joint called 'My First Time', then that may be grounds for plagerism. Otherwise, it comes off more paranoid schizophrenia, less copyright infringement.


& just like my B.M. screaming "Bloody Murder!" in front of the Lord's duplex, Beans now wants to air out their differences for the world to see. Why? Nobody at the church stopped what they were doing to pay closer attention, even though I know for a fact that those folks were nosier than a motherfucker. Of the fist full of people who know about this "beef", probably only half of them are genuinely interested in it. It's one thing to have something to talk about via the 'Net on a boring Thursday afternoon, but it's something totally different to tune in & watch two grown men discuss why one is so miffed at the other, let alone settle their differences. According to Beans though, this is the only way this dispute can be settled:


"We gotta do it televised now. [The beef]'ll be over but our face to face conversation gotta be televised because the public wanna know. They deserve to know. The people wanna know. You gotta understand, there was people across the world that were putting up that dynasty sign, who believed in that Roc La Familia."
-Beanie Sigel


The only people who'd watch that shit, even if it were on public access television, are the same people who go to Ross or Marshall's to bulk up their already intense State Property wardrobe collection. & maybe Memphis Bleek. That same delusion has Beans pulling other niggas into the fray, but not even for his defense! He's literally finding Jay reinforcements.


"They say he got a record [that's] supposed to come out, the remix to that "New York" ['Empire State of Mind'] shit. He poppin' shots at me. He poppin' shots at 50. But, he put Nas on the record hoping that a nigga will respond to it and come at Nas. Nas gon' come right back. He's not gonna hold no punches. He's gon' come right back. He should come right back, but look at the moves. I seen it."
-Beanie Sigel


What the fuck is he talking about? Out of Jay, 50, Beanie, & NaS, NaS is probably the most likely to go all out. Why invite him to the party? Dude's in a real low place right now, between his ex-wife & bad career choices, & since we know pain births creativity, I'd expect nothing less than NaS laying a mushroom cloud the size of Texas at Beans' doorstep. We all know NaS' personal business already, so he literally has nothing to lose from a neo-digital rap beef. I wouldn't be surprised if he secretly offered up the goods on Kelis, in hopes of Beans taking her down a couple of pegs in the process. I would. But, like a baby momma, Beans obviously isn't thinking clearly. Jay-Z might be too far removed from the hunger of Hip Hip to respond, but NaS is in the same position Beans is in; in need of a career boost. The difference is that NaS is talented & has a legacy to uphold. Maybe Beanie should've named HIS album 'Before I Self Destruct'...


I doubt this whole fiasco will make it's way to TMZ any time soon, but for those of us Hip Hop heads who have a vested interest in the bruhaha, we'll be staying tuned. I'm sure this will pass, but I hope for Beans' sake that he takes this chance & mediocre buzz to get his name back out on the rap curcuit. As far as I can see it, 50 is winning. Getting his best "Don King" impersonation on, & keeping his name in our mouths as usual. I'm never mad at capitalizing, even when it's a bully doing it.