Saturday, January 23, 2010

To Douche, Or Not To Douche...

(I wonder how many women have asked themselves that before a first date. Just saying.)


So, after all the fanfare & finger-pointing, it turns out that Mtv executives weren't behind Kanye's noticeable absence from the Haiti telethon. It was the man himself, who was too busy to be a part of history.


Really though, I would've lied about that shit. Man, I've lied to people right in their face to save my ass in my lifetime. Who hasn't? To think that after all the hell this walking tampon catches behind ass backwards logic & shit-for-brains blactivity, he didn't even have the God given sense to make up some shit. Or, he could've just told the truth.


"I'd rather be in France, looking at new clothing designs, with [other] gay people. *shrugs* Buy my album."


Here we all were, passing judgment on a bunch of anonymous shot-callers, who may or may not have had something to do with Marshall Mathers sniffing another man's balls & taint on live television, thinking they didn't care about Black people. As soon as I saw Samuel L. Jackson convincing callers to dig deep for the cause, I know that couldn't have been the case. Even if Kanye had been there, I doubt he would've resorted to such nigganometry as interrupting folks &/or bringing up Hurricane Katrina. He may be the biggest asshole this side of Pinky & Cherokee, but he knows his mom wouldn't approve of indiscretion of that magnitude. & I watch enough TV to know not to piss off dead people. Plus, just because a dude acts completely aloof doesn't mean he really is. It most cases, it's all an act, a ruse, an attempt to confuse outsiders as to what the truth really is.


When I was in high school, I got called conceited a lot. In reality, I wasn't at all. Truth be told, I thought I looked exactly like Bart Simpson would if he were a real man-child. I thought my ears & nose were comically disproportionate, like one of the Rice Krispies elves, & my height & weight couldn't have been any more average. I was the little yellow dude, who niggas would pick second to last for their basketball squad, right before they picked the fat kid. Sometimes, they'd pick the fat kid before me, if he was really dark & strong-looking. You know what I'm talking about. So, to mask my low self esteem, I treated girls like crap. Strangely, most of them liked it, which created an odd chain of events that eventually boosted my esteem, & in turn, I had become slightly conceited after a couple of years. & I owed it all to the illusion that I created; I didn't give two donkey turds about people's feelings. Of course that was high school, & I've long since graduated from such asinine notions, but I understand where some of these ass-on-their-shoulders-types are coming from. [||]? Kanye suffers from a similar disorder. Like Big Bow Wow, there oedipal relationships with their mom's created monsters, & once Frankenstein got loose, they weren't ready for the townspeople to scream & run. Or continuously make them trending topics on Twitter.


I can see Kanye's facade for what it is. He may not hate himself, but when he looks in the mirror, & sees that oversized jaw, & those beady little possum eyes, he's not happy at all. What do Black dudes do when they feel a need to compensate? What else but get the baddest White(ish) chick money can buy. & if he's smart, he'll get a bald one, to save money on weaves & hair care products. Chess niggas, not checkers. I wouldn't be surprised if he counts calories & snacks on salads, either. Fuck all that, though. I'm a man. If I eat lettuce, it's because I forgot to tell Alejandro I didn't want it on my Big Mac. Not to get all psychological, but men who pay too much attention to themselves are usually doing so because, at some point, nobody paid enough attention to them, except for maybe their mother & gay guys. I've had gay guys pay me too much attention, & that did nothing for my self esteem. It made me quite uncomfortable, as a matter of fact. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay. Which brings me to my next point.


Kanye is far from homosexual, even if he's a wig & eye shadow away from being a cross dresser, & probably prefers briefs over boxers, because they're snug. Kanye's a selfsexual. Yeah, I just made that up. Feel free to use it at your leisure. It's not all about him because he really believes that it is, but it's "all about him" because he's convinced that it isn't. Every backhanded compliment he dishes out is just a blind flail for attention. When his mom passed, I told people he was going to wild out, & low & behold, he's stabbing himself in the stomach in mini-movies & dressing like a superhero. If only someone would give him a hug. A man hug. To comfort his soul & let him know that everything's gonna be alright. I'd suggest Jay-Z should do it, but he doesn't have a mustache. & I've been raised not to trust Black men without mustaches. I advise you to do the same.


Maybe 'Ye will seek professional help, or simply humble with age. Or maybe not. Either way, I'm glad he stopped singing like a robot.

7 comments:

HustlerVision said...

Whatever these dudes (Kanye, Bow et al) r going through, they need to go through. If you smell my cologne... (see what I did there? shouts to Tony G! I'm studying the craft.)

It's a phase of their evolution... The public's reaction to their outbursts is also part of this evolution. Their fam n friends reaction is part of this evolution. However whacked out the reaction/response... everyone needs to pass whatever they are going through.

We r all battling the same beast & don't even realize it.

LC said...

Damn thats exactly how people see me at school too. 'Cept its going on right now haha. The worst is the way you act people start thinking your immature which is just how you act not how you actually below the bullshit.

Kanyes just an asshole like me, I feel like I know what dude thinks sometimes, but theres always a more thoughtful side to someone like that who is just tired of all the bullshit thats around him.

Don said...

"like one of the Rice Krispies elves"

^ Ha!

Don't forget douche-nozzle© is Wiki official...

And 'Ye will be OK, but I will say this, you can tell he really doesn't want to do this music thing anymore...

BLESSD1 said...

Dude...it is SO FUNNY to me that even some of my closest friends say, with an alarming bit of frequency, that I'm an arrogant and callous muthafugga, when that, actually, couldn't be the farthest from the truth. I can kind of understand what Kanye's going through, though I can't co-sign his foolishness. I agree whole-heartedly w/HustlerVision's assessment; those cats won't evolve if they don't receive whatever comes of their childish outbursts. I hope that Yeezy can learn, and grow up, b/c dude is mad-talented, and strictly on the music shit, is one of my favorite artists.

Tony Grands said...

" He may be the biggest asshole this side of Pinky & Cherokee..."

^^^^
I can't believe no one caught that! Step your porn game up, fellas.

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