Lil Wayne is headed to the slammer in less than a week. I know, shocker right? Not so coincidentally, he'll miss at least 3-4 of his children's birthday's while on vacation. See, I know a lot of irresponsible cats, but I can honestly say that I don't know any who have several kids who'll all turn the same age in the same year. I figured by now, he would have done an interview, or YouTube video explaining how latex gives him hives, or he's allergic to birth control pill residue, & how "kids" should practice safe sex, even if he doesn't. Hell, he could even throw a "Say Nope To Dope" in there as a sort of private joke. No dice. He just shucks & jives as usual, taking publicity photos with whatever random offspring is visiting him on the tour bus that weekend. Not to sound like a douche nozzle, but a rich, drug addicted father is the stuff that poor kids have wet dreams about. Lucky little dust bunnies. &, as if a gaggle of baby mommas isn't complicated enough, the reasons behind his legal woes (legal woes being the reason he'll miss back-to-back-to-back-to-back parties), are in short, unnecessary. Drugs & guns. Two things that folks with money should never have to worry about carrying. Yet & still, here he is, with a cabbage patch full of garbage pail kids, rivaled only by the life giving 'tang of Erykah Badu, & time behind bars an inevitable reality. Undoubtedly, this man has an Unnecessary Complication Complex. A classic case, if I ever saw one.
Now, should we be surprised that Kanye West has been absent from the past few major publicity events that have been rammed down our collective esophagi?
No.
See, the "average" celebrity would've taken that opportunity to throw a jab at the then-president at face value. Even though the world had a pretty good idea that George Bush couldn't care less about the coloreds, Yeezy spoke for us, with balls the size of monkey fists. [ll]. Maybe we didn't thank him loud enough. It's hard to be heard over a personality the size of San Francisco. You know, there was actually a time in American history where such a remark by a person of the negronious persuasion would've been viewed as mutiny, & he would've been lynched for TWO reasons, instead of the usual one. Ha. But, he got away with it, & continued to Hippity Hop along about his pink, fuzz-covered business. But, along that path, he found several more missteps to make, most of which involved him looking like a slick-talking cock sucker, at the expense of poor, defenseless White people. While rappers are beefing with other unimportant Blacks, Kanye waged war with Taylor Swift, wanna-be photographers, & PETA. For the record, PETA is like the NRA, with fur & paws, instead of rifles & rednecks. Unnecessary remark, after unnecessary remark, each one only complicating the last, making a future redemption song that much harder to write, much less sing. Now, at the Grammy Awards, not only does security have orders that he's a domestic terrorist, but as added insult to an already injured ego, he actually won. Twice, I think. That's like a chick handcuffing you to a radiator, across the room, then having her way with her lady parts, while you watch, leaving you to stew in your helplessness. I've heard that the path of a genius is rife with insanity. In that case, I now understand why Kanye does the crazy shit he does. I also read that Albert Einstein talked to, & answered himself, & was unable to tie his own shoes. So, yeah.
Point is, celebrities are normal people, who happen to be famous for whatever parlor trick they've perfected. & like us "normal" folk, they have the innate ability to pile bullshit upon their shoulders until they topple over into their own hysteria. Trouble is, they're really not "normal" people at all. By the time they've reached such a lucrative apex in life, all the individuals who wouldn't mind getting dirty to keep them clean have been replaced by "Yes!" men, hob knobblers & douche bag leeches who've been praying for that day like Albino's pray for shady places. No shots. If a plain, simple, average, basic man impregnates countless women, & gets caught up for drugs & weapons, it's no big deal. I doubt that his life is headed in a direction where such set-backs will actually hinder his life's work. But, if said man is worth a million bucks, with an undoubtedly bright future ahead of him, those same unwise choices could spell uncertainty, doom, & possible failure. Unnecessary complication, indeed. Same goes with well intended, however misguided outbursts at no one in particular. The homeless guy, on the corner, spouting about how the king needs to be overthrown, in between begging for loose change & throwing rocks at passing vehicles is virtually harmless. To himself & anyone in the vicinity. But, if that man is a brand, a company unto himself, with the world at his proverbial fingertips, said man goes from "crazy dude", to "dumb motherfucker", if you smell my cologne.
One of the perks of being "normal", or a nobody like most of us, is that our mistakes & up-fucks won't have that much of an effect on our lives, however meaningless & disposable. But, once you have things to gain, you also have things to lose, & the last thing you'd want in that situation is a UCC. Unnecessary Complication Complex.
Life is easy. It's the decision-making process that's difficult.
Maybe I'll start an online self-help website for these dingleberry famous people who habitual shit where they sleep. I can charge them an arm & a leg, then get rich & famous on their blood, sweat & tears, & make the same mistakes they did. That would make this the most prophetic drop I've ever penned, word to Nostradamus.
*These are just 2 examples. I'm sure, without effort, you can find many more, within arm's distance.
Showing posts with label kanye west. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kanye west. Show all posts
Monday, February 1, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
To Douche, Or Not To Douche...
(I wonder how many women have asked themselves that before a first date. Just saying.)
So, after all the fanfare & finger-pointing, it turns out that Mtv executives weren't behind Kanye's noticeable absence from the Haiti telethon. It was the man himself, who was too busy to be a part of history.
Really though, I would've lied about that shit. Man, I've lied to people right in their face to save my ass in my lifetime. Who hasn't? To think that after all the hell this walking tampon catches behind ass backwards logic & shit-for-brains blactivity, he didn't even have the God given sense to make up some shit. Or, he could've just told the truth.
"I'd rather be in France, looking at new clothing designs, with [other] gay people. *shrugs* Buy my album."
Here we all were, passing judgment on a bunch of anonymous shot-callers, who may or may not have had something to do with Marshall Mathers sniffing another man's balls & taint on live television, thinking they didn't care about Black people. As soon as I saw Samuel L. Jackson convincing callers to dig deep for the cause, I know that couldn't have been the case. Even if Kanye had been there, I doubt he would've resorted to such nigganometry as interrupting folks &/or bringing up Hurricane Katrina. He may be the biggest asshole this side of Pinky & Cherokee, but he knows his mom wouldn't approve of indiscretion of that magnitude. & I watch enough TV to know not to piss off dead people. Plus, just because a dude acts completely aloof doesn't mean he really is. It most cases, it's all an act, a ruse, an attempt to confuse outsiders as to what the truth really is.
When I was in high school, I got called conceited a lot. In reality, I wasn't at all. Truth be told, I thought I looked exactly like Bart Simpson would if he were a real man-child. I thought my ears & nose were comically disproportionate, like one of the Rice Krispies elves, & my height & weight couldn't have been any more average. I was the little yellow dude, who niggas would pick second to last for their basketball squad, right before they picked the fat kid. Sometimes, they'd pick the fat kid before me, if he was really dark & strong-looking. You know what I'm talking about. So, to mask my low self esteem, I treated girls like crap. Strangely, most of them liked it, which created an odd chain of events that eventually boosted my esteem, & in turn, I had become slightly conceited after a couple of years. & I owed it all to the illusion that I created; I didn't give two donkey turds about people's feelings. Of course that was high school, & I've long since graduated from such asinine notions, but I understand where some of these ass-on-their-shoulders-types are coming from. [||]? Kanye suffers from a similar disorder. Like Big Bow Wow, there oedipal relationships with their mom's created monsters, & once Frankenstein got loose, they weren't ready for the townspeople to scream & run. Or continuously make them trending topics on Twitter.
I can see Kanye's facade for what it is. He may not hate himself, but when he looks in the mirror, & sees that oversized jaw, & those beady little possum eyes, he's not happy at all. What do Black dudes do when they feel a need to compensate? What else but get the baddest White(ish) chick money can buy. & if he's smart, he'll get a bald one, to save money on weaves & hair care products. Chess niggas, not checkers. I wouldn't be surprised if he counts calories & snacks on salads, either. Fuck all that, though. I'm a man. If I eat lettuce, it's because I forgot to tell Alejandro I didn't want it on my Big Mac. Not to get all psychological, but men who pay too much attention to themselves are usually doing so because, at some point, nobody paid enough attention to them, except for maybe their mother & gay guys. I've had gay guys pay me too much attention, & that did nothing for my self esteem. It made me quite uncomfortable, as a matter of fact. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay. Which brings me to my next point.
Kanye is far from homosexual, even if he's a wig & eye shadow away from being a cross dresser, & probably prefers briefs over boxers, because they're snug. Kanye's a selfsexual. Yeah, I just made that up. Feel free to use it at your leisure. It's not all about him because he really believes that it is, but it's "all about him" because he's convinced that it isn't. Every backhanded compliment he dishes out is just a blind flail for attention. When his mom passed, I told people he was going to wild out, & low & behold, he's stabbing himself in the stomach in mini-movies & dressing like a superhero. If only someone would give him a hug. A man hug. To comfort his soul & let him know that everything's gonna be alright. I'd suggest Jay-Z should do it, but he doesn't have a mustache. & I've been raised not to trust Black men without mustaches. I advise you to do the same.
Maybe 'Ye will seek professional help, or simply humble with age. Or maybe not. Either way, I'm glad he stopped singing like a robot.
So, after all the fanfare & finger-pointing, it turns out that Mtv executives weren't behind Kanye's noticeable absence from the Haiti telethon. It was the man himself, who was too busy to be a part of history.
Really though, I would've lied about that shit. Man, I've lied to people right in their face to save my ass in my lifetime. Who hasn't? To think that after all the hell this walking tampon catches behind ass backwards logic & shit-for-brains blactivity, he didn't even have the God given sense to make up some shit. Or, he could've just told the truth.
"I'd rather be in France, looking at new clothing designs, with [other] gay people. *shrugs* Buy my album."
Here we all were, passing judgment on a bunch of anonymous shot-callers, who may or may not have had something to do with Marshall Mathers sniffing another man's balls & taint on live television, thinking they didn't care about Black people. As soon as I saw Samuel L. Jackson convincing callers to dig deep for the cause, I know that couldn't have been the case. Even if Kanye had been there, I doubt he would've resorted to such nigganometry as interrupting folks &/or bringing up Hurricane Katrina. He may be the biggest asshole this side of Pinky & Cherokee, but he knows his mom wouldn't approve of indiscretion of that magnitude. & I watch enough TV to know not to piss off dead people. Plus, just because a dude acts completely aloof doesn't mean he really is. It most cases, it's all an act, a ruse, an attempt to confuse outsiders as to what the truth really is.
When I was in high school, I got called conceited a lot. In reality, I wasn't at all. Truth be told, I thought I looked exactly like Bart Simpson would if he were a real man-child. I thought my ears & nose were comically disproportionate, like one of the Rice Krispies elves, & my height & weight couldn't have been any more average. I was the little yellow dude, who niggas would pick second to last for their basketball squad, right before they picked the fat kid. Sometimes, they'd pick the fat kid before me, if he was really dark & strong-looking. You know what I'm talking about. So, to mask my low self esteem, I treated girls like crap. Strangely, most of them liked it, which created an odd chain of events that eventually boosted my esteem, & in turn, I had become slightly conceited after a couple of years. & I owed it all to the illusion that I created; I didn't give two donkey turds about people's feelings. Of course that was high school, & I've long since graduated from such asinine notions, but I understand where some of these ass-on-their-shoulders-types are coming from. [||]? Kanye suffers from a similar disorder. Like Big Bow Wow, there oedipal relationships with their mom's created monsters, & once Frankenstein got loose, they weren't ready for the townspeople to scream & run. Or continuously make them trending topics on Twitter.
I can see Kanye's facade for what it is. He may not hate himself, but when he looks in the mirror, & sees that oversized jaw, & those beady little possum eyes, he's not happy at all. What do Black dudes do when they feel a need to compensate? What else but get the baddest White(ish) chick money can buy. & if he's smart, he'll get a bald one, to save money on weaves & hair care products. Chess niggas, not checkers. I wouldn't be surprised if he counts calories & snacks on salads, either. Fuck all that, though. I'm a man. If I eat lettuce, it's because I forgot to tell Alejandro I didn't want it on my Big Mac. Not to get all psychological, but men who pay too much attention to themselves are usually doing so because, at some point, nobody paid enough attention to them, except for maybe their mother & gay guys. I've had gay guys pay me too much attention, & that did nothing for my self esteem. It made me quite uncomfortable, as a matter of fact. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay. Which brings me to my next point.
Kanye is far from homosexual, even if he's a wig & eye shadow away from being a cross dresser, & probably prefers briefs over boxers, because they're snug. Kanye's a selfsexual. Yeah, I just made that up. Feel free to use it at your leisure. It's not all about him because he really believes that it is, but it's "all about him" because he's convinced that it isn't. Every backhanded compliment he dishes out is just a blind flail for attention. When his mom passed, I told people he was going to wild out, & low & behold, he's stabbing himself in the stomach in mini-movies & dressing like a superhero. If only someone would give him a hug. A man hug. To comfort his soul & let him know that everything's gonna be alright. I'd suggest Jay-Z should do it, but he doesn't have a mustache. & I've been raised not to trust Black men without mustaches. I advise you to do the same.
Maybe 'Ye will seek professional help, or simply humble with age. Or maybe not. Either way, I'm glad he stopped singing like a robot.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Villain Wanted
Wanted: the proverbial bad guy-a "villain", to assume all the responsibilities of Hip Hop's requisite antagonist, and fill position of necessary cultural scapegoat. Must be arrogant, ignorant, smug, materialistic, slightly psychotic with glimmers of brilliance and remorse. Must have a violent and/or criminal background (preferably authentic) and suffer from one (1) or more mental illnesses-ideally some form of post traumatic stress disorder. Must be goal-oriented, and possess at least a basic concept of song writing ability and melody recognition. Ability to harmonize optional. Sexual preference will be privatized, unless otherwise suspected by bloggers, paparazzi, etc., in which case, you assume full responsibility of damage control. Apply at your own risk...
Now that 50's been counted out of the runnings, for the most part, Hip Hop is a need of a new nigga we love to hate. Or, hate to love, depending on your vantage point. A bad guy. Thanks to Rick Ross, Clipse, Raekwon, Killa Cam, Ghostface, and a handful of other hot spitters, 2009 saw the reemergence of Cocaine rap, with a vengeance. Well, if you count the brief 'Trap Rap' phenom, it never went anywhere, but I'm just saying. Even still, there's a galaxy's difference between a hustler and a gangster. Granted, the two can occupy the same space simultaneously, but ultimately you're one or the other. Where as hustler's talk slick and attempt to keep their noses clean-no pun intended, gangster's talk loud, and have dirty nails. Which brings us back to the role of the bad guy, a part 50 played so well that by the end of his stint with Interscope, he'd taken shots at both Dr. Dre and Jimmy Iovine. Gotta love it.
Who can we look to now, for extreme nigganometry and self righteous egotism, in between making the hoes dance and niggas wanna clap something? Who's voice is strong enough to fill the shoes? This is a necessary balance needed, lest we allow Drake and Kanye West to be in charge of the dispersement of aggression in rap music. No dice. So far the emo-rap community's street cred includes slapping Canadians, slapping paparazzi cameras, & getting slapped by abortion-having, scorned ex-girlfriends. Kid Cudi did get pulled over by the LAPD, but in his defense, cops in my city are so dumb they still haven't caught the dude(s) who killed Christopher Wallace. They sure as fuck caught O.J. pretty quick though, but I digress. Plus, the only person who can wear tight pants & be a bad motherfucker, simultaneously, is dead. Long live Rick James. Plenty of dudes on the rap radar have the ability to deliver grimy stories and gritty tales of street life, but that doesn't necessarily qualify them to be in charge of an entire sub-genre of a culture.
In the movie 'Matrix', how many of you can say that, not only were you rooting for Agent Smith, but you were extra hyped when he returned in the sequel, with upgrades? I knew that the future of the free world was dependent of Neo's victory, but in the interim, I needed to see him get his ass kicked by the bad guy. If it was just Neo flying around & having copious amounts of sex with that chick that looked like a little boy, that movie would've sucked. How important was Superman without Lex Luthor? Scores of bad guys could cross Clark's path, but Lex was the yang to his yin. Really though, cats had equal the amount of super abilities, sometimes even more so, & this little bald headed Jewish guy could eff up Superman's day faster than he could wax his dome piece. Now, rap needs a new yin, or something to that effect, to give us the overstanding of the underview, to balance all the emotional rollercoasters that we're bombarded with on a daily basis.
Without a bad guy, there's just "the good guy," & that's no fun at all.
Otherwise, rest assured, in no less than 5 years, Hip Hop will look like 'Revenge of the Nerds'-the musical. Will we be following Booger, or Ogre?
Now that 50's been counted out of the runnings, for the most part, Hip Hop is a need of a new nigga we love to hate. Or, hate to love, depending on your vantage point. A bad guy. Thanks to Rick Ross, Clipse, Raekwon, Killa Cam, Ghostface, and a handful of other hot spitters, 2009 saw the reemergence of Cocaine rap, with a vengeance. Well, if you count the brief 'Trap Rap' phenom, it never went anywhere, but I'm just saying. Even still, there's a galaxy's difference between a hustler and a gangster. Granted, the two can occupy the same space simultaneously, but ultimately you're one or the other. Where as hustler's talk slick and attempt to keep their noses clean-no pun intended, gangster's talk loud, and have dirty nails. Which brings us back to the role of the bad guy, a part 50 played so well that by the end of his stint with Interscope, he'd taken shots at both Dr. Dre and Jimmy Iovine. Gotta love it.
Who can we look to now, for extreme nigganometry and self righteous egotism, in between making the hoes dance and niggas wanna clap something? Who's voice is strong enough to fill the shoes? This is a necessary balance needed, lest we allow Drake and Kanye West to be in charge of the dispersement of aggression in rap music. No dice. So far the emo-rap community's street cred includes slapping Canadians, slapping paparazzi cameras, & getting slapped by abortion-having, scorned ex-girlfriends. Kid Cudi did get pulled over by the LAPD, but in his defense, cops in my city are so dumb they still haven't caught the dude(s) who killed Christopher Wallace. They sure as fuck caught O.J. pretty quick though, but I digress. Plus, the only person who can wear tight pants & be a bad motherfucker, simultaneously, is dead. Long live Rick James. Plenty of dudes on the rap radar have the ability to deliver grimy stories and gritty tales of street life, but that doesn't necessarily qualify them to be in charge of an entire sub-genre of a culture.
In the movie 'Matrix', how many of you can say that, not only were you rooting for Agent Smith, but you were extra hyped when he returned in the sequel, with upgrades? I knew that the future of the free world was dependent of Neo's victory, but in the interim, I needed to see him get his ass kicked by the bad guy. If it was just Neo flying around & having copious amounts of sex with that chick that looked like a little boy, that movie would've sucked. How important was Superman without Lex Luthor? Scores of bad guys could cross Clark's path, but Lex was the yang to his yin. Really though, cats had equal the amount of super abilities, sometimes even more so, & this little bald headed Jewish guy could eff up Superman's day faster than he could wax his dome piece. Now, rap needs a new yin, or something to that effect, to give us the overstanding of the underview, to balance all the emotional rollercoasters that we're bombarded with on a daily basis.
Without a bad guy, there's just "the good guy," & that's no fun at all.
Otherwise, rest assured, in no less than 5 years, Hip Hop will look like 'Revenge of the Nerds'-the musical. Will we be following Booger, or Ogre?
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Douche Nozzle of the Decade
'Entertainment Weekly' just announced that Kanye West's debut album, 'College Dropout', is the album of the decade. Whether I agree or not is unimportant. What is important however, is that I'm always suspicious of a bunch of White people telling me how good something is. I'm almost positive the exact same thing happened in Africa, some half a millennium ago, when a bunch of filthy, underweight, scurvy-infected pirates convinced a handful of tribal patriarchs that their servants & field hands would enjoy a trip on their big, shiny boats. You see where that got us, right? If I was a (bigger) douche nozzle, I'd say that by that same standard, people should've been leary of Barack Obama. Just saying. Anyway, these so-called "Best of..." lists are always funny to me, because who decides who wins & loses? Somebody somewhere is always winning some type of award, but who the fuck has the say so?
Case in point; Flo Rida's album 'R.O.O.T.S.' was nominated for a Grammy. Dude, the only people I know that have his album are horny fat chicks & openly gay guys. Not that I condone either lifestyle, but I don't judge. I'm not to familiar with the Grammy nomination process, but I know Flo Rida's music is shit biscuits. No shots, but I just don't get how his music is worthy of such a prestigious accolade. That 'Low' song is at least a year & a half old, & it's not even on this 'R.O.O.T.S.' album. It would appear he's paid a visit to those homo's & hippo's, but what do I know? The closest I've ever been to a "Grammy" was not being able to pronounce my mom's mom's name correctly as a toddler, so eff my opinion regardless.
I don't know if Kanye's album was they best of a ten-year period, but it was damn good. & I don't need a bunch of soccer moms who think fist-bumps are cool to convince me of that. Hip Hop-wise, I'd be more apt to say it was 50 Cent's 'Get Rich Or Die Tryin', but I like my music with a little aggression. Kanye, even when he throws out a curse word or two, is always a safe bet. On the other hand, I'd definitely give him the "Douche Bag of the Decade" award. The only possible way he could be more of a jerk is if he shaved off his mustache. Only a tool bag would carry around man bags & wear a shag long enough to trick uppity negro babies into thinking it was cool, then swiftly cut it off. Only an asshole would walk a red carpet holding a bottle of Hennessey, swigging away like he hated his liver, on camera. I know hard body alcoholics, with no morals or standards, who wouldn't do that, because they know how pompous they'd look. Poor & dirty, but pompous nonetheless.
Many have said it before, but Kanye's "life threatening" car accident was indeed the turning point in his life, & career as well. But, the audience missed the point. The song 'Through The Wire' wasn't about overcoming adversity to become a champion. It was a direct slap in our faces, an advertisement that he was now transformed into a bigger, stronger Kanye. & he's better than everyone. That's the kind of impetuous attitude one must have to walk into Louis Vuitton's home building & demand an internship. Shit, niggas wouldn't walk into Macy's & demand a job, so that's an example of the elephant balls dude's got tucked away in his mandex jeans. Let us be reminded that this man went on record, research if you choose, saying that he would prefer to be referred to as Martin Louis the King, Jr. Wtf?
I'm positive Kanye smokes clove cigarettes. If you've ever met anyway who smokes clove cigarettes, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
One has to wonder, if you will, what types of shenanigans this cat has up his sleeves for 2010. He'd be hard pressed to top schmedium mohawks & sunglasses that resemble window blinds. If he & Amber Rose get married, like they're rumored to do, then he will have legitimately become rap music's David Bowie. A misunderstood sonic genius, trapped in shiny, too small clothing with an exotic, overrated model by his side. & before Brad Garrett & Mike Tyson made it trendy to spaz on paparazzi, Kanye was in Europe, surrounded by what seemed to be flamboyant superheroes, screaming at the top of his shirt-constricted lungs about his right to privacy. The same privacy one forfeits once they decide to tread down the road of popular music. The same privacy that douches expect to have, as you go out & support their products, even when they do their best Peter Frampton impersonations.
[tony's note: peter frampton was using the vocorder long before roger troutman...]
Since these "list" are so important to modern society, unlike homelessness, disease & poverty, I'm sure he'll end up on some "People to watch" compilation with other like-minded doorknobs. Expect him to buy some African kids, move to Russia, get a reality show, or stop wearing shoes altogether, within the next 10 years.
[tony's next note: if i left out any jackassery, feel free to remind me...]
Case in point; Flo Rida's album 'R.O.O.T.S.' was nominated for a Grammy. Dude, the only people I know that have his album are horny fat chicks & openly gay guys. Not that I condone either lifestyle, but I don't judge. I'm not to familiar with the Grammy nomination process, but I know Flo Rida's music is shit biscuits. No shots, but I just don't get how his music is worthy of such a prestigious accolade. That 'Low' song is at least a year & a half old, & it's not even on this 'R.O.O.T.S.' album. It would appear he's paid a visit to those homo's & hippo's, but what do I know? The closest I've ever been to a "Grammy" was not being able to pronounce my mom's mom's name correctly as a toddler, so eff my opinion regardless.
I don't know if Kanye's album was they best of a ten-year period, but it was damn good. & I don't need a bunch of soccer moms who think fist-bumps are cool to convince me of that. Hip Hop-wise, I'd be more apt to say it was 50 Cent's 'Get Rich Or Die Tryin', but I like my music with a little aggression. Kanye, even when he throws out a curse word or two, is always a safe bet. On the other hand, I'd definitely give him the "Douche Bag of the Decade" award. The only possible way he could be more of a jerk is if he shaved off his mustache. Only a tool bag would carry around man bags & wear a shag long enough to trick uppity negro babies into thinking it was cool, then swiftly cut it off. Only an asshole would walk a red carpet holding a bottle of Hennessey, swigging away like he hated his liver, on camera. I know hard body alcoholics, with no morals or standards, who wouldn't do that, because they know how pompous they'd look. Poor & dirty, but pompous nonetheless.
Many have said it before, but Kanye's "life threatening" car accident was indeed the turning point in his life, & career as well. But, the audience missed the point. The song 'Through The Wire' wasn't about overcoming adversity to become a champion. It was a direct slap in our faces, an advertisement that he was now transformed into a bigger, stronger Kanye. & he's better than everyone. That's the kind of impetuous attitude one must have to walk into Louis Vuitton's home building & demand an internship. Shit, niggas wouldn't walk into Macy's & demand a job, so that's an example of the elephant balls dude's got tucked away in his mandex jeans. Let us be reminded that this man went on record, research if you choose, saying that he would prefer to be referred to as Martin Louis the King, Jr. Wtf?
I'm positive Kanye smokes clove cigarettes. If you've ever met anyway who smokes clove cigarettes, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
One has to wonder, if you will, what types of shenanigans this cat has up his sleeves for 2010. He'd be hard pressed to top schmedium mohawks & sunglasses that resemble window blinds. If he & Amber Rose get married, like they're rumored to do, then he will have legitimately become rap music's David Bowie. A misunderstood sonic genius, trapped in shiny, too small clothing with an exotic, overrated model by his side. & before Brad Garrett & Mike Tyson made it trendy to spaz on paparazzi, Kanye was in Europe, surrounded by what seemed to be flamboyant superheroes, screaming at the top of his shirt-constricted lungs about his right to privacy. The same privacy one forfeits once they decide to tread down the road of popular music. The same privacy that douches expect to have, as you go out & support their products, even when they do their best Peter Frampton impersonations.
[tony's note: peter frampton was using the vocorder long before roger troutman...]
Since these "list" are so important to modern society, unlike homelessness, disease & poverty, I'm sure he'll end up on some "People to watch" compilation with other like-minded doorknobs. Expect him to buy some African kids, move to Russia, get a reality show, or stop wearing shoes altogether, within the next 10 years.
[tony's next note: if i left out any jackassery, feel free to remind me...]
Monday, October 26, 2009
Kanye West: Passin' Go & Collectin' $200
We all saw the footage of Mr. West "assaulting" that paparazzi douche nozzle at L.A.X. Oh, sweet irony (double pun intended-ha!). When him & his boyfriend grabbed the camera & slammed it down, I laughed until I peed a little. For his heinous attempt at being gangsta, he received community service, 50 hours worth. Not hard core community service like beat-a-bitch Brown got, though. Chris Brown at least has the opportunity to come across ejected weapons or dead body parts, if he's lucky. God forbid he gets hit by a car while he's out there collecting trash, dude will be like the Hip Hop James Dean. Kanye received 50 hours, probably to be served at the Salvation Army depot of his choosing, where he could sell a homeless man a third-hand shirt AND explain how it should be haberdashered. If so, the next time you come across a well dressed hobo, you can thank Kanye West for that. Although, I'd be hard pressed to toss my loose change at a dude wearing argyle socks, no matter how much he smelled of urine.
Kanye's judge had to have been a fan of his music. Normally, White men that high up on the food chain would relish the moment where that can proverbially backhand a Black man, much less a rap cat. Maybe word got to his chambers that Kanye wasn't a "real" rapper, one who specializes in genocidal, ubermisogynistic messages of self-destruction & false hope. You know, the successful ones. Or maybe the judge watched enough TV to know that there was a chance that an unhappy Kanye would snatch the gavel &/or possibly whine until he was held in contempt. Sounds like an avoidable headache to me; most likely the same reason why that Black chick kicked him to the curb to begin with.
But, had the judge been a wise man, he would have sent Kanye to jail for at least 30 days. Not only would it have opened up Kanye to a whole new fan base (no pun intended), but the prison system could have benefited immensely. Kanye's the consummate expresser; he makes a living on revealing his thoughts to the public, regardless of backlash. Coincidentally, a lot of dudes in jail are in jail because they couldn't manage their emotions. Like, instead of telling their baby mom's "Fuck You!", they slit her throat (not that I agree, but I understand...). Imagine, if you will, Kanye playing '808's & Heartbreaks' to a cafeteria full of criminals who's Mom's didn't hug them enough & Dad's never showed them how to catch a baseball. He could even use flowers & Barbie dolls as visuals aids. Emo-rap is as therapeutic as it is questionable, & I'm sure at least two dudes would have gleaned something from Kanye teaching the audience that, sometimes, it's okay for a man to cry.
Kanye would've also gained from such an experience. First & foremost, once he found out the origin of one's pants sagging, & what it really signifies, I highly doubt he'd continue to walk around advertising the hershey highway to those hungry for a test drive. Fashion's no longer just "fashion" once men want to penetrate your rectum. & to think, a young, bald headed White kid, in the right light at the wrong time could easily be mistaken for a less flattering Amber Rose to a detoxing Kanye. Between night sweats & withdrawal pangs, he could reach over for comfort & leave the scant amount of manhood he does have in his past forever more.
I wish incarceration on no man, but some time off may do him some good. Especially if he finds the smallest guy in the lunch room & beats him senseless with his dinner tray. While the bigger bad guys may only laugh, the rest of the small fry's will fall gingerly in line, protecting their new leader & washing his underwear, with or without him still wearing them. Maybe then Kanye will fully understand how much of a role model he is, & think twice before
accosting defenseless White girls on live television, even if he intends on letting her finish her speech.
This community service crap only amounts to a slap on his lavender G-shock. & something tells me this won't be the last time he gets arrested on less than masculine charges. Perhaps next time, it'll be something more ballsy, like slapping the shit out of his pool boy or not paying a parking ticket. As long as it's equally as humorous, I couldn't possibly care any less.
Kanye's judge had to have been a fan of his music. Normally, White men that high up on the food chain would relish the moment where that can proverbially backhand a Black man, much less a rap cat. Maybe word got to his chambers that Kanye wasn't a "real" rapper, one who specializes in genocidal, ubermisogynistic messages of self-destruction & false hope. You know, the successful ones. Or maybe the judge watched enough TV to know that there was a chance that an unhappy Kanye would snatch the gavel &/or possibly whine until he was held in contempt. Sounds like an avoidable headache to me; most likely the same reason why that Black chick kicked him to the curb to begin with.
But, had the judge been a wise man, he would have sent Kanye to jail for at least 30 days. Not only would it have opened up Kanye to a whole new fan base (no pun intended), but the prison system could have benefited immensely. Kanye's the consummate expresser; he makes a living on revealing his thoughts to the public, regardless of backlash. Coincidentally, a lot of dudes in jail are in jail because they couldn't manage their emotions. Like, instead of telling their baby mom's "Fuck You!", they slit her throat (not that I agree, but I understand...). Imagine, if you will, Kanye playing '808's & Heartbreaks' to a cafeteria full of criminals who's Mom's didn't hug them enough & Dad's never showed them how to catch a baseball. He could even use flowers & Barbie dolls as visuals aids. Emo-rap is as therapeutic as it is questionable, & I'm sure at least two dudes would have gleaned something from Kanye teaching the audience that, sometimes, it's okay for a man to cry.
Kanye would've also gained from such an experience. First & foremost, once he found out the origin of one's pants sagging, & what it really signifies, I highly doubt he'd continue to walk around advertising the hershey highway to those hungry for a test drive. Fashion's no longer just "fashion" once men want to penetrate your rectum. & to think, a young, bald headed White kid, in the right light at the wrong time could easily be mistaken for a less flattering Amber Rose to a detoxing Kanye. Between night sweats & withdrawal pangs, he could reach over for comfort & leave the scant amount of manhood he does have in his past forever more.
I wish incarceration on no man, but some time off may do him some good. Especially if he finds the smallest guy in the lunch room & beats him senseless with his dinner tray. While the bigger bad guys may only laugh, the rest of the small fry's will fall gingerly in line, protecting their new leader & washing his underwear, with or without him still wearing them. Maybe then Kanye will fully understand how much of a role model he is, & think twice before
accosting defenseless White girls on live television, even if he intends on letting her finish her speech.
This community service crap only amounts to a slap on his lavender G-shock. & something tells me this won't be the last time he gets arrested on less than masculine charges. Perhaps next time, it'll be something more ballsy, like slapping the shit out of his pool boy or not paying a parking ticket. As long as it's equally as humorous, I couldn't possibly care any less.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
"Blame it on the..."
Finally...
Kanye-Gate has died down. It was kind of fun, I must admit. Seeing the closet-racists poking their heads out, if only to spit in the general direction of our beloved King of EmoRap. All the shots taken at him, some deserved, others not, but all quite amusing. Watching him almost cry during his Jay Leno apology. & let us not forget how he may have single-handedly reprised race relations in America, good or bad. Really though, you've got to respect a man who can get the President of the United States to call him a "jack ass" out loud. He didn't even do that for Joe Wilson. Or John McCain, for that matter. Something tells me that he calls Joe Biden that often, among other things...
Of all the excuses conjured up for Kanye's explosive expression, there's one I didn't hear often enough, but makes the most sense. He was drunk. Sure, people speculated on him swigging from a Hennessey bottle in public, but it was never pinpointed as the epicenter of the folly. I heard/read/saw him called everything from D-bag to racist, but I don't recall too many folks saying, "Hey, dude was just drunk", or something to that effect. Not that that's an excuse, but it's a start.
As you guys know, I'm a recovering alcoholic. I'm well aware of the evils that lurk inside those attractive bottles, with their pretty colors & curvaceous bodies & the damage said evils can cause if not managed properly. Still to this day, my wife will tell me some story about something I did, that I have no recollection of, & I laugh on the outside but feel like an idiot inwardly. One memory that I did seem to log onto my hard drive was being at my wife's best friend's house & cursing at her mom one time. She made some comment, & I said, "So the fuck what?". Jokingly, of course. Needless to say, drunk senses of humor don't mesh well with sober ones. She was dumbfounded, flabbergasted. I have no idea what happened after that, or before, but I do know that my wife & her friend's relationship hasn't been the same since.
Another I'll never forget is when my in-laws came to live with my wife, kids & I for awhile, some years back. I extended my house to them, because they were going through some things financially, & I figured this would be a way to prove to my wife that I'm still a good guy, underneath the stench of whatever liquors I got my hands on. I don't have to say that that decision was one of poor choice. It wasn't long before I was complaining about my lack of privacy & feeling like a child being restricted to his room for punishment. & of course, this led me to drink more. The camel's back-breaking straw was something trivial, but in a drunken fit of rage, I yelled "Get the fuck out! Everybody!", to two women & 4 little girls. &, get out they did, immediately. I felt like crap for at least 3 or 4 days, & even though my wife understood, she was pissed. It took them all awhile to speak to me but eventually they forgave me.
I have a friend; one of those dudes who prides himself on material things. The type of guy who can't differentiate between the words 'wealth' & 'worth'. There was a time that we'd sit & get drunk daily, & every so often I'd talk him into handing me the keys to whatever nice car he was driving at the time. One day, mid-drunkenness, I decided I needed to make a run, so off we went, with me behind the wheel. As I turned a corner, I grinded his front right rim against the curb. Man, I'll never forget getting out of the car & bending down to look at the destruction I caused. Adrenaline & testosterone kicked in, so I undoubtedly had to act as nonchalant & defensive as possible, but in my mind I was well aware of the irresponsible thing I'd done. That was easily one of the highlights of my life's low points. I did apologize, though. I even offered to pay for it, but dude knew I didn't have that kind of money laying around. If I did, I wouldn't have driven his car in the first place. We're still "friends" & he never brings it up, but I'll never forget it.
Last summer, when my alcohol problem finally caught up to me medically, the doctors ran every test on me that could. So, to find out that I was disease-free came as a huge weight being lifted from my shoulders. In my quest to solidify my manhood over the last 15 or so years, who knows how much risky behavior I engaged in that fell into the "blackout" zone. Let us not gloss over the fact that I have a set of twins from a semi-relationship *cough-jump off-cough* almost 9 years ago. At that point in my life, similar to a present day Kanye, I went nowhere without a bottle. Literally. I'd refill my water bottle with anything but water; sad part was that I didn't even drink the water. I'd just pour it out, into the sink. The whole "blackout" scenario is very real; some days I'd wake up & remember I'd had company, but would have to ask someone else who was there. Or receive a phone call regarding the prior night & play along, knowing damn well I truly had no idea what they were talking about. During my stint in the hospital, I asked my doc if they thought that I might have any other medical problems, to which he replied "nah, we had to check you for everything, you're clean", as if he knew what I was alluding to.
I have a pretty close friend named Charlie. One of my old drinking buddies. The last time I saw him he was telling me that I drink too much. That was the equivalent of a really fat person telling a slightly less fat person to slow down on the chili cheese fries. Later that day, after a morning stocked with beer & Vodka, he got into a fight with one of our neighborhood chicks, then her boyfriend, then walked around the corner to her house & set it on fire. Alcohol is a helluva drug. But, I'm sure he'll be good & sober when he gets released from prison in 4 years.
Admittedly, I was a self-involved jerk, who didn't care much for how other folks felt, or what they're were going through. In hindsight, it's a wonder I still have friends. & thank God that my wife is intelligent & compassionate enough to have seen past the facade. The average person would've done what most people eventually did do; left me alone with my drink.
Again, being drunk stops being cute when it affects other people, & maybe this was the wake up call Kanye needed. I'm not suggesting dude check himself into rehab or anything, but if a problem is brewing (no pun intended), that may be something he wants to research. It might save him a lot of future grief. & since I'm almost positive that he'll never read this, then I'm saying this to whoever needs to read it.
That "Blame It On The Alcohol" song would have gone a completely different direction than getting loaded & having great parties with the opposite sex if I wrote it. Drunk drivers accidentally kill people, & what do they do? Women get raped at parties, & what do they do? I needed a liver transplant, & what did I do?
Kanye-Gate has died down. It was kind of fun, I must admit. Seeing the closet-racists poking their heads out, if only to spit in the general direction of our beloved King of EmoRap. All the shots taken at him, some deserved, others not, but all quite amusing. Watching him almost cry during his Jay Leno apology. & let us not forget how he may have single-handedly reprised race relations in America, good or bad. Really though, you've got to respect a man who can get the President of the United States to call him a "jack ass" out loud. He didn't even do that for Joe Wilson. Or John McCain, for that matter. Something tells me that he calls Joe Biden that often, among other things...
Of all the excuses conjured up for Kanye's explosive expression, there's one I didn't hear often enough, but makes the most sense. He was drunk. Sure, people speculated on him swigging from a Hennessey bottle in public, but it was never pinpointed as the epicenter of the folly. I heard/read/saw him called everything from D-bag to racist, but I don't recall too many folks saying, "Hey, dude was just drunk", or something to that effect. Not that that's an excuse, but it's a start.
As you guys know, I'm a recovering alcoholic. I'm well aware of the evils that lurk inside those attractive bottles, with their pretty colors & curvaceous bodies & the damage said evils can cause if not managed properly. Still to this day, my wife will tell me some story about something I did, that I have no recollection of, & I laugh on the outside but feel like an idiot inwardly. One memory that I did seem to log onto my hard drive was being at my wife's best friend's house & cursing at her mom one time. She made some comment, & I said, "So the fuck what?". Jokingly, of course. Needless to say, drunk senses of humor don't mesh well with sober ones. She was dumbfounded, flabbergasted. I have no idea what happened after that, or before, but I do know that my wife & her friend's relationship hasn't been the same since.
Another I'll never forget is when my in-laws came to live with my wife, kids & I for awhile, some years back. I extended my house to them, because they were going through some things financially, & I figured this would be a way to prove to my wife that I'm still a good guy, underneath the stench of whatever liquors I got my hands on. I don't have to say that that decision was one of poor choice. It wasn't long before I was complaining about my lack of privacy & feeling like a child being restricted to his room for punishment. & of course, this led me to drink more. The camel's back-breaking straw was something trivial, but in a drunken fit of rage, I yelled "Get the fuck out! Everybody!", to two women & 4 little girls. &, get out they did, immediately. I felt like crap for at least 3 or 4 days, & even though my wife understood, she was pissed. It took them all awhile to speak to me but eventually they forgave me.
I have a friend; one of those dudes who prides himself on material things. The type of guy who can't differentiate between the words 'wealth' & 'worth'. There was a time that we'd sit & get drunk daily, & every so often I'd talk him into handing me the keys to whatever nice car he was driving at the time. One day, mid-drunkenness, I decided I needed to make a run, so off we went, with me behind the wheel. As I turned a corner, I grinded his front right rim against the curb. Man, I'll never forget getting out of the car & bending down to look at the destruction I caused. Adrenaline & testosterone kicked in, so I undoubtedly had to act as nonchalant & defensive as possible, but in my mind I was well aware of the irresponsible thing I'd done. That was easily one of the highlights of my life's low points. I did apologize, though. I even offered to pay for it, but dude knew I didn't have that kind of money laying around. If I did, I wouldn't have driven his car in the first place. We're still "friends" & he never brings it up, but I'll never forget it.
Last summer, when my alcohol problem finally caught up to me medically, the doctors ran every test on me that could. So, to find out that I was disease-free came as a huge weight being lifted from my shoulders. In my quest to solidify my manhood over the last 15 or so years, who knows how much risky behavior I engaged in that fell into the "blackout" zone. Let us not gloss over the fact that I have a set of twins from a semi-relationship *cough-jump off-cough* almost 9 years ago. At that point in my life, similar to a present day Kanye, I went nowhere without a bottle. Literally. I'd refill my water bottle with anything but water; sad part was that I didn't even drink the water. I'd just pour it out, into the sink. The whole "blackout" scenario is very real; some days I'd wake up & remember I'd had company, but would have to ask someone else who was there. Or receive a phone call regarding the prior night & play along, knowing damn well I truly had no idea what they were talking about. During my stint in the hospital, I asked my doc if they thought that I might have any other medical problems, to which he replied "nah, we had to check you for everything, you're clean", as if he knew what I was alluding to.
I have a pretty close friend named Charlie. One of my old drinking buddies. The last time I saw him he was telling me that I drink too much. That was the equivalent of a really fat person telling a slightly less fat person to slow down on the chili cheese fries. Later that day, after a morning stocked with beer & Vodka, he got into a fight with one of our neighborhood chicks, then her boyfriend, then walked around the corner to her house & set it on fire. Alcohol is a helluva drug. But, I'm sure he'll be good & sober when he gets released from prison in 4 years.
Admittedly, I was a self-involved jerk, who didn't care much for how other folks felt, or what they're were going through. In hindsight, it's a wonder I still have friends. & thank God that my wife is intelligent & compassionate enough to have seen past the facade. The average person would've done what most people eventually did do; left me alone with my drink.
Again, being drunk stops being cute when it affects other people, & maybe this was the wake up call Kanye needed. I'm not suggesting dude check himself into rehab or anything, but if a problem is brewing (no pun intended), that may be something he wants to research. It might save him a lot of future grief. & since I'm almost positive that he'll never read this, then I'm saying this to whoever needs to read it.
That "Blame It On The Alcohol" song would have gone a completely different direction than getting loaded & having great parties with the opposite sex if I wrote it. Drunk drivers accidentally kill people, & what do they do? Women get raped at parties, & what do they do? I needed a liver transplant, & what did I do?
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
...like salt & pepper shakers.
Wow. This has been some week (give or take) for us, ay niggas? Allow me to recap a few events, before I continue...
[tony's note: by no means does my usage of the term "niggas" mean I'm alienating everyone else, so please, continue reading...]
*Senator Joe Wilson yells out that President Obama is a liar during an(other) address regarding health care, subsequently becoming the new "Joe Six-pack".
*During a tournament match, Serena Williams threatens to shove a ball down a line judges throat for a call that could've easily been disputed, thus is disqualified from the game.
*Kanye West rudely interrupts 19 year-old country singer Taylor Swift, as she makes her acceptance speech for the Mtv VMA Moon Man trophy for best female video of the year.
Perhaps there's some strange, twice-in-a-lifetime planetary alignment that allowed for so much public blactivity to be witnessed worldwide in such a short span. Nonetheless, racism has exploded with new reverence. Twitter, the world's leading boulevard for mouth running, has been a flutter with the N-word & the phrase "white bitch" much, much, much more than usual. The great divide that separates us by color has been breached, with both respective proponents taking no prisoners. Do or die, if you will.
There hasn't been this much Black/White separation since Barack Obama & John McCain were in the same room. Or since Michael Jackson debuted the video for that song "Black or White". Or since yesterday, when I pulled my Oreo cookie apart prior to eating.
It's almost funny how closest racists & brown-nosed bigots jump at the first opportunity to hurl epithets like water balloons filled with haterade. Now that each side is flinching at the other, it's merely a matter of time before the first proverbial punch is thrown.
When Gil Scott-Heron said, "The revolution will not be televised", he had know idea that it would be because YouTube, Twitter & Facebook would become the only way information gets transferred. It's not that idiocy, of all hues, hasn't always existed, it's just that now, it's a double-left click away.
Speaking of the first punch, it may be closer than we think. & it's a hay maker, to say the least. It turns out that, according to ex-girlfriend Christie Pody, Orenthal James Simpson, a/k/a OJ, who was found innocent of the murder of his ex-wife Nicole Brown-Simpson & her lover Ron Goldman, actually did do it. By "it" I mean murder them. Immediately, this brings to mind the title of his book, "If I did it", & how White America used said book as a stepping stool to put his noose back on the tree from which it hang during his trial. But, to the dismay of probably 90% of America's caucassion community (& some Black people, too), "double jeopardy" states that he'll remain innocent for the rest of time. Then the dumb nigga robbed some cats in a hotel room & got sentenced to roughly 33 years. Go figure.
This potential situation is what's referred to as a "powder keg". At this rate, if by some misfortunate turn of events Pody provides any (more) damning evidence that O.J. actually did kill his White ex-wife, that single incident will slingshot any notion of a post civil rights movement-based society back to the days of chains & whips. & I'm not talking about jewelry & automobiles here.
As more details emerge from his ex-snowflake love toy, we can only assume that the same voters who scoffed at Pres. Obama's election will be equally disgusted & overjoyed that, even though a court couldn't condemn him, "they" still got him. This is sad, if only because it will further separate a nation that was once a place people fled to to escape the harsh realities of injustice. Now, foreigners will start bypassing us & head straight to Canada.
Seriously, we've got a Black president, & a White rapper dominating the charts. If thats not progress, then I'm wasting my time writing this. Let's not start backsliding here, y'all. I'm not saying hold hands with strangers &/or "love thy neighbor", but I am saying that, as a people, America can't revert to the days of self-imposed segregation just because a handful of pessimistic douche nozzles decide to show their asses to anyone willing to look.
Fuck it; love thy neighbor.
[tony's note: by no means does my usage of the term "niggas" mean I'm alienating everyone else, so please, continue reading...]
*Senator Joe Wilson yells out that President Obama is a liar during an(other) address regarding health care, subsequently becoming the new "Joe Six-pack".
*During a tournament match, Serena Williams threatens to shove a ball down a line judges throat for a call that could've easily been disputed, thus is disqualified from the game.
*Kanye West rudely interrupts 19 year-old country singer Taylor Swift, as she makes her acceptance speech for the Mtv VMA Moon Man trophy for best female video of the year.
Perhaps there's some strange, twice-in-a-lifetime planetary alignment that allowed for so much public blactivity to be witnessed worldwide in such a short span. Nonetheless, racism has exploded with new reverence. Twitter, the world's leading boulevard for mouth running, has been a flutter with the N-word & the phrase "white bitch" much, much, much more than usual. The great divide that separates us by color has been breached, with both respective proponents taking no prisoners. Do or die, if you will.
There hasn't been this much Black/White separation since Barack Obama & John McCain were in the same room. Or since Michael Jackson debuted the video for that song "Black or White". Or since yesterday, when I pulled my Oreo cookie apart prior to eating.
It's almost funny how closest racists & brown-nosed bigots jump at the first opportunity to hurl epithets like water balloons filled with haterade. Now that each side is flinching at the other, it's merely a matter of time before the first proverbial punch is thrown.
When Gil Scott-Heron said, "The revolution will not be televised", he had know idea that it would be because YouTube, Twitter & Facebook would become the only way information gets transferred. It's not that idiocy, of all hues, hasn't always existed, it's just that now, it's a double-left click away.
Speaking of the first punch, it may be closer than we think. & it's a hay maker, to say the least. It turns out that, according to ex-girlfriend Christie Pody, Orenthal James Simpson, a/k/a OJ, who was found innocent of the murder of his ex-wife Nicole Brown-Simpson & her lover Ron Goldman, actually did do it. By "it" I mean murder them. Immediately, this brings to mind the title of his book, "If I did it", & how White America used said book as a stepping stool to put his noose back on the tree from which it hang during his trial. But, to the dismay of probably 90% of America's caucassion community (& some Black people, too), "double jeopardy" states that he'll remain innocent for the rest of time. Then the dumb nigga robbed some cats in a hotel room & got sentenced to roughly 33 years. Go figure.
This potential situation is what's referred to as a "powder keg". At this rate, if by some misfortunate turn of events Pody provides any (more) damning evidence that O.J. actually did kill his White ex-wife, that single incident will slingshot any notion of a post civil rights movement-based society back to the days of chains & whips. & I'm not talking about jewelry & automobiles here.
As more details emerge from his ex-snowflake love toy, we can only assume that the same voters who scoffed at Pres. Obama's election will be equally disgusted & overjoyed that, even though a court couldn't condemn him, "they" still got him. This is sad, if only because it will further separate a nation that was once a place people fled to to escape the harsh realities of injustice. Now, foreigners will start bypassing us & head straight to Canada.
Seriously, we've got a Black president, & a White rapper dominating the charts. If thats not progress, then I'm wasting my time writing this. Let's not start backsliding here, y'all. I'm not saying hold hands with strangers &/or "love thy neighbor", but I am saying that, as a people, America can't revert to the days of self-imposed segregation just because a handful of pessimistic douche nozzles decide to show their asses to anyone willing to look.
Fuck it; love thy neighbor.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Kanye West: Douchebag Deluxe
If Taylor Swift has never had any Black friends, she sure as hell won't now. Thanks to Kanye, she probably believes every stereotype her grandparents ever tried to instill in her regarding n-words. I could've sworn I saw her flinch, when he broke into his estrogen-induced tirade, like she was preparing to get slapped across the face & have her purse stolen.
[Blogger's note: For those that don't know (what rock do YOU live under?), Taylor Swift, country singer, received the MTV Video Music Award for best female music video. Appalled, Kanye West stormed the staged, snatched the mic from Swift during her acceptance ramble, & declared Beyonce Knowles the unofficial recipient of that award. Later in the show, Beyonce allowed Swift to finish the speech Kanye so rudely interrupted.]
That MTV video award was hers. She rightfully earned the coveted Moon Man, whether Blacks had heard of her or not. & to think, she was most likely semi-prepared with her victory speech, family watching anxiously, & suddenly, Kanye lets the fishsticks out of the man-bag. It seems that all those years of wearing clothing that prevents proper blood circulation has rendered him unable to think straight. Either that, or it's true what "they" say about White woman.
I think he just wanted everybody to see his new haircut before his naps grew back & covered up the road map he had carved into his head. Like dudes who wear fire engine red tennis shoes just so you'll look at them. Kanye's always been a glutton for the spotlight, & let's face it; ever since Drake wheel-chaired his way into our collective hearts, Kanye's been relegated to "that guy who's dating Amber Rose.". That has to do mean things to an ego that big. Perhaps, behind those shades he never removes, he's weeping, gently, like a child who watched her drunken step dad beat a kitten to death with a Barbie doll.
It would seem that, after that traumatic car accident that left him with his jaw wired shut, losing his moms, & that girl leaving him, Kanye would have achieved some higher level of humility. No Dice. He's still stepping over the little people to piss off of a balcony ledge.
Taylor Swift, on the other hand, is being viewed as the damsel in distress, who was rescued by a very bootylicious Beyonce Knowles-Carter, & returned to her perch so she could continue to sing. In that 5 minute interval, she probably gained every older, white female fan that Kanye lost. You know, the ones who liked his music because they thought he was one of "the good ones", & danced to "Golddigger" as they drove their kids to soccer practice. Now, he's one of "those people", & TMZ will be accusing him of smoking crack rocks by Friday.
See, I'm all for artistic expression & personal opinion. But, this was a clear-cut case of the kid who gets picked on finally finding someone "smaller" than him. He may have been accurate with what he said, about Be's video being better (if only for all the ass cheeks bouncing around on screen), but he wouldn't have done that to a more formidable opponent. Say that had've been Mary J. Blige. She would have probably shot him in the stomach. Even Jennifer Hudson would've handed him his ass on a platter, or suplexed him, since her husband is a wrestler & has undoubtedly taught her a couple of moves for a situation just like this. Though he's wise enough to pick battles he can win, exactly what type of war is he waging when the enemy is a 19 year old country singer?
Rappers already have a bad name, & once America feels they can't even trust the sensitive ones, not even the mighty Barack Obama himself will be able to stop the anti-civil rights movement. Face it; Serena's putting hits out on a line judge & Jay-Z has been outed as satan. It's been a hard few days for Americans of African descent. My buddy P! just informed me that he'd received a chain text that said "Kanye hates white people. Go back to Africa". My advice, stay away from any "picnics" for the next couple of months, niggas.
So what did we learn today? Nothing we didn't already know. Celebrities are mindless douche nozzles & America waits on any opportunity to rear it's racist under-belly. & according to Kanye, even gay black men aren't harmless anymore.
[Blogger's note: For those that don't know (what rock do YOU live under?), Taylor Swift, country singer, received the MTV Video Music Award for best female music video. Appalled, Kanye West stormed the staged, snatched the mic from Swift during her acceptance ramble, & declared Beyonce Knowles the unofficial recipient of that award. Later in the show, Beyonce allowed Swift to finish the speech Kanye so rudely interrupted.]
That MTV video award was hers. She rightfully earned the coveted Moon Man, whether Blacks had heard of her or not. & to think, she was most likely semi-prepared with her victory speech, family watching anxiously, & suddenly, Kanye lets the fishsticks out of the man-bag. It seems that all those years of wearing clothing that prevents proper blood circulation has rendered him unable to think straight. Either that, or it's true what "they" say about White woman.
I think he just wanted everybody to see his new haircut before his naps grew back & covered up the road map he had carved into his head. Like dudes who wear fire engine red tennis shoes just so you'll look at them. Kanye's always been a glutton for the spotlight, & let's face it; ever since Drake wheel-chaired his way into our collective hearts, Kanye's been relegated to "that guy who's dating Amber Rose.". That has to do mean things to an ego that big. Perhaps, behind those shades he never removes, he's weeping, gently, like a child who watched her drunken step dad beat a kitten to death with a Barbie doll.
It would seem that, after that traumatic car accident that left him with his jaw wired shut, losing his moms, & that girl leaving him, Kanye would have achieved some higher level of humility. No Dice. He's still stepping over the little people to piss off of a balcony ledge.
Taylor Swift, on the other hand, is being viewed as the damsel in distress, who was rescued by a very bootylicious Beyonce Knowles-Carter, & returned to her perch so she could continue to sing. In that 5 minute interval, she probably gained every older, white female fan that Kanye lost. You know, the ones who liked his music because they thought he was one of "the good ones", & danced to "Golddigger" as they drove their kids to soccer practice. Now, he's one of "those people", & TMZ will be accusing him of smoking crack rocks by Friday.
See, I'm all for artistic expression & personal opinion. But, this was a clear-cut case of the kid who gets picked on finally finding someone "smaller" than him. He may have been accurate with what he said, about Be's video being better (if only for all the ass cheeks bouncing around on screen), but he wouldn't have done that to a more formidable opponent. Say that had've been Mary J. Blige. She would have probably shot him in the stomach. Even Jennifer Hudson would've handed him his ass on a platter, or suplexed him, since her husband is a wrestler & has undoubtedly taught her a couple of moves for a situation just like this. Though he's wise enough to pick battles he can win, exactly what type of war is he waging when the enemy is a 19 year old country singer?
Rappers already have a bad name, & once America feels they can't even trust the sensitive ones, not even the mighty Barack Obama himself will be able to stop the anti-civil rights movement. Face it; Serena's putting hits out on a line judge & Jay-Z has been outed as satan. It's been a hard few days for Americans of African descent. My buddy P! just informed me that he'd received a chain text that said "Kanye hates white people. Go back to Africa". My advice, stay away from any "picnics" for the next couple of months, niggas.
So what did we learn today? Nothing we didn't already know. Celebrities are mindless douche nozzles & America waits on any opportunity to rear it's racist under-belly. & according to Kanye, even gay black men aren't harmless anymore.
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