To Douche, Or Not To Douche...

(I wonder how many women have asked themselves that before a first date. Just saying.)


So, after all the fanfare & finger-pointing, it turns out that Mtv executives weren't behind Kanye's noticeable absence from the Haiti telethon. It was the man himself, who was too busy to be a part of history.


Really though, I would've lied about that shit. Man, I've lied to people right in their face to save my ass in my lifetime. Who hasn't? To think that after all the hell this walking tampon catches behind ass backwards logic & shit-for-brains blactivity, he didn't even have the God given sense to make up some shit. Or, he could've just told the truth.


"I'd rather be in France, looking at new clothing designs, with [other] gay people. *shrugs* Buy my album."


Here we all were, passing judgment on a bunch of anonymous shot-callers, who may or may not have had something to do with Marshall Mathers sniffing another man's balls & taint on live television, thinking they didn't care about Black people. As soon as I saw Samuel L. Jackson convincing callers to dig deep for the cause, I know that couldn't have been the case. Even if Kanye had been there, I doubt he would've resorted to such nigganometry as interrupting folks &/or bringing up Hurricane Katrina. He may be the biggest asshole this side of Pinky & Cherokee, but he knows his mom wouldn't approve of indiscretion of that magnitude. & I watch enough TV to know not to piss off dead people. Plus, just because a dude acts completely aloof doesn't mean he really is. It most cases, it's all an act, a ruse, an attempt to confuse outsiders as to what the truth really is.


When I was in high school, I got called conceited a lot. In reality, I wasn't at all. Truth be told, I thought I looked exactly like Bart Simpson would if he were a real man-child. I thought my ears & nose were comically disproportionate, like one of the Rice Krispies elves, & my height & weight couldn't have been any more average. I was the little yellow dude, who niggas would pick second to last for their basketball squad, right before they picked the fat kid. Sometimes, they'd pick the fat kid before me, if he was really dark & strong-looking. You know what I'm talking about. So, to mask my low self esteem, I treated girls like crap. Strangely, most of them liked it, which created an odd chain of events that eventually boosted my esteem, & in turn, I had become slightly conceited after a couple of years. & I owed it all to the illusion that I created; I didn't give two donkey turds about people's feelings. Of course that was high school, & I've long since graduated from such asinine notions, but I understand where some of these ass-on-their-shoulders-types are coming from. [||]? Kanye suffers from a similar disorder. Like Big Bow Wow, there oedipal relationships with their mom's created monsters, & once Frankenstein got loose, they weren't ready for the townspeople to scream & run. Or continuously make them trending topics on Twitter.


I can see Kanye's facade for what it is. He may not hate himself, but when he looks in the mirror, & sees that oversized jaw, & those beady little possum eyes, he's not happy at all. What do Black dudes do when they feel a need to compensate? What else but get the baddest White(ish) chick money can buy. & if he's smart, he'll get a bald one, to save money on weaves & hair care products. Chess niggas, not checkers. I wouldn't be surprised if he counts calories & snacks on salads, either. Fuck all that, though. I'm a man. If I eat lettuce, it's because I forgot to tell Alejandro I didn't want it on my Big Mac. Not to get all psychological, but men who pay too much attention to themselves are usually doing so because, at some point, nobody paid enough attention to them, except for maybe their mother & gay guys. I've had gay guys pay me too much attention, & that did nothing for my self esteem. It made me quite uncomfortable, as a matter of fact. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay. Which brings me to my next point.


Kanye is far from homosexual, even if he's a wig & eye shadow away from being a cross dresser, & probably prefers briefs over boxers, because they're snug. Kanye's a selfsexual. Yeah, I just made that up. Feel free to use it at your leisure. It's not all about him because he really believes that it is, but it's "all about him" because he's convinced that it isn't. Every backhanded compliment he dishes out is just a blind flail for attention. When his mom passed, I told people he was going to wild out, & low & behold, he's stabbing himself in the stomach in mini-movies & dressing like a superhero. If only someone would give him a hug. A man hug. To comfort his soul & let him know that everything's gonna be alright. I'd suggest Jay-Z should do it, but he doesn't have a mustache. & I've been raised not to trust Black men without mustaches. I advise you to do the same.


Maybe 'Ye will seek professional help, or simply humble with age. Or maybe not. Either way, I'm glad he stopped singing like a robot.

The Revolution Will Be Broadcasted (& Illegally Downloaded)

I'm young enough to remember when Mtv changed the music game. Word to Dallas Penn, videos already existed before the channel made them the prerequisite for any fledgling musician(s). But what that television station did was provide not only an outlet for groups to realize the physical manifestations of their audio creations, but also to give the fans an opportunity to put human beings to the sounds they enjoyed. Video killed the radio star, indeed.


On a side note, Michael Jackson & John Landis personally changed the video game immediately following. Do your homework if you ain't already knowing.


The music racket had been one-upped, & there was no turning back, like when vinyl pushed 8-track off the proverbial cliff, & pissed on him as he slipped into darkness.


Fast forward a couple of decades, & the World Wide Web did a similar move to the music industry, almost making the CDs, that once made the cassette obsolete, irrelevant. Here we are, faced with a mechanism capable of information transfer at a staggering rate & unimaginable reach. Communicational boundaries were literally erased, as people all across the glorious globe could now be connected with one another with essentially no effort at all. Once mankind truly had a grasp on the Internets full potential, nothing was safe from it's voracious ability. I seriously doubt that anyone could've foreseen the effect the Web would have on the entertainment industry, much less civilization as we knew it. Experts once thought that, with the up rise of the 'Nets, the music & movie companies would fall under, due to the 'Nets sheer strength. In theory, one would be hard pressed not to agree. Any & everything a person could want had become available online.


The 'Net created introverts where there were none previously. Shopping, entertainment, social activity, porn, all available at one's fingertips [||]. But, as the smoke clears, the industry that seems to have sustained the most injury is music. Downloads, file shares, album leaks, all play a part in the customers willingness to abandon physical LP's & opt for digital downloads, illegal or otherwise. & who would ignore such luxury? When I was younger, a trip anywhere required 5-7 CDs (at least!) & my Discman, regardless of my destination. Those of us who took our music seriously back then would even shell out upwards of a hundred bucks for the anti-shock or non-skip models. Now, a little bitty box can adamantly hold the majority of my musical library, with me not so much as setting foot inside of a record store. & if you want to get dry snitch-y about it, without so much as spending a dollar, either. The consumer, being catered to, never stopped to think about the artist, & how our decisions may effect them. Which brings us to today's flailing music market, where yesterdays mega-star is only moderately compensated & easily dismissed, regardless of talent. Not only can anybody "produce" an album, but the playing field has been leveled, & accessibility & visibility aren't the parameters of success any longer. YouTube (& the like) can & will make or break a nigga these days.


Now, thanks to the 'Nets, any music, especially the wack, overrated, unnecessary kind, is available on demand. This has the record industry--especially Hip Hop--in a frenzy. Theoretically, there's no reason to buy music anymore. Albums get preleased(c) before their time, & unless you're Jay-Z, Eminem or Black Eyed Peas, the amount of sales is affected. Although that sounds bad, it's actually not. With all music being basically free, we, the fans/consumers are able to sample what's out there & only focus on what we like.


I don't have to second guess ripping Mos Def's latest offering, right after I sneaked a peek at why even Combat Jack likes Gucci Mane. I can find out what the big deal is with Pac Div just as quickly as I can download (then trash bin) Lil Boosie. Point is, no star shines brighter than the next, unless we decide that. & with the opportunity to sample a little bit of everything on the veritable buffet table, the truly talented will undoubtedly be pushed to the forefront. & once CD's become completely obsolete (which they will--mark my words), the industry will be forced to start from scratch; more skill, less marketing.


While this may have an adverse effect on the amount of wack juice that we get exposed to, it also eliminates the radio-factor & let's the listener be in total control of the audio experience. Honestly, the only times I even think about radio is on holidays, to create a festive atmosphere for whatever the hell it is we're celebrating. I think that we've all concluded how much of a dichotomy the 'Net is. So, why not love it as much as we hate it, like an alcoholic parent.


[tony's note: the same evolution is happening to libraries as well. go figure...]

Kanye West: Douchebag Deluxe

If Taylor Swift has never had any Black friends, she sure as hell won't now. Thanks to Kanye, she probably believes every stereotype her grandparents ever tried to instill in her regarding n-words. I could've sworn I saw her flinch, when he broke into his estrogen-induced tirade, like she was preparing to get slapped across the face & have her purse stolen.

[Blogger's note: For those that don't know (what rock do YOU live under?), Taylor Swift, country singer, received the MTV Video Music Award for best female music video. Appalled, Kanye West stormed the staged, snatched the mic from Swift during her acceptance ramble, & declared Beyonce Knowles the unofficial recipient of that award. Later in the show, Beyonce allowed Swift to finish the speech Kanye so rudely interrupted.]

That MTV video award was hers. She rightfully earned the coveted Moon Man, whether Blacks had heard of her or not. & to think, she was most likely semi-prepared with her victory speech, family watching anxiously, & suddenly, Kanye lets the fishsticks out of the man-bag. It seems that all those years of wearing clothing that prevents proper blood circulation has rendered him unable to think straight. Either that, or it's true what "they" say about White woman.

I think he just wanted everybody to see his new haircut before his naps grew back & covered up the road map he had carved into his head. Like dudes who wear fire engine red tennis shoes just so you'll look at them. Kanye's always been a glutton for the spotlight, & let's face it; ever since Drake wheel-chaired his way into our collective hearts, Kanye's been relegated to "that guy who's dating Amber Rose.". That has to do mean things to an ego that big. Perhaps, behind those shades he never removes, he's weeping, gently, like a child who watched her drunken step dad beat a kitten to death with a Barbie doll.

It would seem that, after that traumatic car accident that left him with his jaw wired shut, losing his moms, & that girl leaving him, Kanye would have achieved some higher level of humility. No Dice. He's still stepping over the little people to piss off of a balcony ledge.

Taylor Swift, on the other hand, is being viewed as the damsel in distress, who was rescued by a very bootylicious Beyonce Knowles-Carter, & returned to her perch so she could continue to sing. In that 5 minute interval, she probably gained every older, white female fan that Kanye lost. You know, the ones who liked his music because they thought he was one of "the good ones", & danced to "Golddigger" as they drove their kids to soccer practice. Now, he's one of "those people", & TMZ will be accusing him of smoking crack rocks by Friday.

See, I'm all for artistic expression & personal opinion. But, this was a clear-cut case of the kid who gets picked on finally finding someone "smaller" than him. He may have been accurate with what he said, about Be's video being better (if only for all the ass cheeks bouncing around on screen), but he wouldn't have done that to a more formidable opponent. Say that had've been Mary J. Blige. She would have probably shot him in the stomach. Even Jennifer Hudson would've handed him his ass on a platter, or suplexed him, since her husband is a wrestler & has undoubtedly taught her a couple of moves for a situation just like this. Though he's wise enough to pick battles he can win, exactly what type of war is he waging when the enemy is a 19 year old country singer?

Rappers already have a bad name, & once America feels they can't even trust the sensitive ones, not even the mighty Barack Obama himself will be able to stop the anti-civil rights movement. Face it; Serena's putting hits out on a line judge & Jay-Z has been outed as satan. It's been a hard few days for Americans of African descent. My buddy P! just informed me that he'd received a chain text that said "Kanye hates white people. Go back to Africa". My advice, stay away from any "picnics" for the next couple of months, niggas.

So what did we learn today? Nothing we didn't already know. Celebrities are mindless douche nozzles & America waits on any opportunity to rear it's racist under-belly. & according to Kanye, even gay black men aren't harmless anymore.