Thursday, September 24, 2009

"Blame it on the..."

Finally...

Kanye-Gate has died down. It was kind of fun, I must admit. Seeing the closet-racists poking their heads out, if only to spit in the general direction of our beloved King of EmoRap. All the shots taken at him, some deserved, others not, but all quite amusing. Watching him almost cry during his Jay Leno apology. & let us not forget how he may have single-handedly reprised race relations in America, good or bad. Really though, you've got to respect a man who can get the President of the United States to call him a "jack ass" out loud. He didn't even do that for Joe Wilson. Or John McCain, for that matter. Something tells me that he calls Joe Biden that often, among other things...

Of all the excuses conjured up for Kanye's explosive expression, there's one I didn't hear often enough, but makes the most sense. He was drunk. Sure, people speculated on him swigging from a Hennessey bottle in public, but it was never pinpointed as the epicenter of the folly. I heard/read/saw him called everything from D-bag to racist, but I don't recall too many folks saying, "Hey, dude was just drunk", or something to that effect. Not that that's an excuse, but it's a start.

As you guys know, I'm a recovering alcoholic. I'm well aware of the evils that lurk inside those attractive bottles, with their pretty colors & curvaceous bodies & the damage said evils can cause if not managed properly. Still to this day, my wife will tell me some story about something I did, that I have no recollection of, & I laugh on the outside but feel like an idiot inwardly. One memory that I did seem to log onto my hard drive was being at my wife's best friend's house & cursing at her mom one time. She made some comment, & I said, "So the fuck what?". Jokingly, of course. Needless to say, drunk senses of humor don't mesh well with sober ones. She was dumbfounded, flabbergasted. I have no idea what happened after that, or before, but I do know that my wife & her friend's relationship hasn't been the same since.

Another I'll never forget is when my in-laws came to live with my wife, kids & I for awhile, some years back. I extended my house to them, because they were going through some things financially, & I figured this would be a way to prove to my wife that I'm still a good guy, underneath the stench of whatever liquors I got my hands on. I don't have to say that that decision was one of poor choice. It wasn't long before I was complaining about my lack of privacy & feeling like a child being restricted to his room for punishment. & of course, this led me to drink more. The camel's back-breaking straw was something trivial, but in a drunken fit of rage, I yelled "Get the fuck out! Everybody!", to two women & 4 little girls. &, get out they did, immediately. I felt like crap for at least 3 or 4 days, & even though my wife understood, she was pissed. It took them all awhile to speak to me but eventually they forgave me.

I have a friend; one of those dudes who prides himself on material things. The type of guy who can't differentiate between the words 'wealth' & 'worth'. There was a time that we'd sit & get drunk daily, & every so often I'd talk him into handing me the keys to whatever nice car he was driving at the time. One day, mid-drunkenness, I decided I needed to make a run, so off we went, with me behind the wheel. As I turned a corner, I grinded his front right rim against the curb. Man, I'll never forget getting out of the car & bending down to look at the destruction I caused. Adrenaline & testosterone kicked in, so I undoubtedly had to act as nonchalant & defensive as possible, but in my mind I was well aware of the irresponsible thing I'd done. That was easily one of the highlights of my life's low points. I did apologize, though. I even offered to pay for it, but dude knew I didn't have that kind of money laying around. If I did, I wouldn't have driven his car in the first place. We're still "friends" & he never brings it up, but I'll never forget it.

Last summer, when my alcohol problem finally caught up to me medically, the doctors ran every test on me that could. So, to find out that I was disease-free came as a huge weight being lifted from my shoulders. In my quest to solidify my manhood over the last 15 or so years, who knows how much risky behavior I engaged in that fell into the "blackout" zone. Let us not gloss over the fact that I have a set of twins from a semi-relationship *cough-jump off-cough* almost 9 years ago. At that point in my life, similar to a present day Kanye, I went nowhere without a bottle. Literally. I'd refill my water bottle with anything but water; sad part was that I didn't even drink the water. I'd just pour it out, into the sink. The whole "blackout" scenario is very real; some days I'd wake up & remember I'd had company, but would have to ask someone else who was there. Or receive a phone call regarding the prior night & play along, knowing damn well I truly had no idea what they were talking about. During my stint in the hospital, I asked my doc if they thought that I might have any other medical problems, to which he replied "nah, we had to check you for everything, you're clean", as if he knew what I was alluding to.

I have a pretty close friend named Charlie. One of my old drinking buddies. The last time I saw him he was telling me that I drink too much. That was the equivalent of a really fat person telling a slightly less fat person to slow down on the chili cheese fries. Later that day, after a morning stocked with beer & Vodka, he got into a fight with one of our neighborhood chicks, then her boyfriend, then walked around the corner to her house & set it on fire. Alcohol is a helluva drug. But, I'm sure he'll be good & sober when he gets released from prison in 4 years.

Admittedly, I was a self-involved jerk, who didn't care much for how other folks felt, or what they're were going through. In hindsight, it's a wonder I still have friends. & thank God that my wife is intelligent & compassionate enough to have seen past the facade. The average person would've done what most people eventually did do; left me alone with my drink.

Again, being drunk stops being cute when it affects other people, & maybe this was the wake up call Kanye needed. I'm not suggesting dude check himself into rehab or anything, but if a problem is brewing (no pun intended), that may be something he wants to research. It might save him a lot of future grief. & since I'm almost positive that he'll never read this, then I'm saying this to whoever needs to read it.

That "Blame It On The Alcohol" song would have gone a completely different direction than getting loaded & having great parties with the opposite sex if I wrote it. Drunk drivers accidentally kill people, & what do they do? Women get raped at parties, & what do they do? I needed a liver transplant, & what did I do?

10 comments:

Don said...

The surprising part is Ye had the cheap bottle of Henney.

I moderate every year. Nothing 4 6-7 months, sip the others.

That's why the liquor cabinet is stocked.

Tony Grands said...

$yk!

I guess that would be surprising since dude has that Louis money, & should leave more Henny for the commonfolk. But, that adds to my point. He may have just wanted to get drunk. That taste knows no dollar amount, ya know?

But, as far as the liqour cabinet being stocked, my wife has some tequila & some Rum in there. Some much for cravings...

Kiana said...

Great post grands. I appreciate it when people talk about alcholism openly because it gives me some insight on what my pops may be going through. He don't talk about this part of him at all.

Your wife must be something else btw. If I was a man I'd be jealous.

Tony Grands said...

Ki!

Thanks. Sometimes, talking about it gives me strength, confidence. A sense of entitlement to my sobriety, if that makes sense.

& yeah, my wife is quite the lady. I'm sure some dudes may be jealous, I have quite a few associates who are stuck with the wrong woman. I was blessed. I AM blessed.

Tony Grands said...

@Ki

I sent you an email over @ PT, in your inbox. Read it...

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