Sunday, November 8, 2009

A dog's life...

I don't think we give DMX enough credit. I mean sure, there are the rap puritans who give him a lifetime's worth of respect based off of his first two (2) albums. Then, there you have the artsy folk, who herald his acting skills as underrated diamonds in the rough. & let us not forget about the thousands of senior citizens who still find the time to lose their minds, "up in here", in between the Electric Slide & Cupid Shuffle marathons at the retirement home. Bad hearts & replaced hips don't stop no party. In the general sense of the phrase, niggas really can't fuck with the Dog...


Arf, arf.


But, commendations & accolades aside, DMX is most likely best known for his running stint as Hip Hop's dumbest criminal. His rap sheet is just as, if not more, entertaining as his rap records, & we have crack cocaine to thank for both sets of accomplishments. Understand, I know all too well how detrimental crack can be; I have a healthy handful of relatives whose feet haven't touched the proverbial asphalt since the late '80's, but damnit if Earl Simmons didn't make it shits & giggles for all parties involved.


At the end of this year he was scheduled to engage in a bout of fisticuffs with an actor named Eric Martinez, for "promotional" reasons. I touched on it last month [||]. I still have no idea who the dude is, but apparently Earl does, because as sure as he'll be arrested again before next summer, he pulled out of the match a week ago. When news of the fight first leaked in August, DMX's response was that he's not even training for the fight because "that wouldn't be fair". That's douche nozzle/base head rhetoric for, "I probably won't even show up...". & it's been reported that he'd received an advance for his appearance already, so obviously, the promoters have never seen a Tyrone Biggums skit.


Hip Hop fans love "friendly" competition, so undoubtedly even Dark Man's fans became bloodthirsty at the mention of seeing him in action. Action outside of fleeing from police at 130 MPH or being escorted away in handcuffs. No dice. Now he's saying he rather not "mess up" his face. Word? I try & stay away from getting to in depth about another man's looks, but Boris Khodjoe he ain't (I'm not sure how I feel about knowing how to spell that dude's name right). Not to mention, X is a rapper, & usually, the uglier you are, the more respect you get. Look at KRS-One--niggas call him 'The Teacher'.


I was looking forward to a post-prison X jumping back into the studio, doing what he does best, but let's face facts, his best may be behind him [insert requisite jail joke]. Now, he joins the ranks of D-list celebs who are forced to live life by performing on horrid reality shows & at charity events. Maybe we'll see him on 'Are you smarter than a fifth grader?', although I doubt that he is, so don't keep your fingers crossed. Lil Kim opened the flood gates by shining on 'Dancing With The Stars', so perhaps there's still hope. & then again, there's always Hip Hop, but unless he's ready to don tight pants & invent some ridiculous dance to accompany his idiotic dog noises, that may not pan out either.


The saying goes "no news is good news", so I guess as long as he's not murdering canines for (blood) sport & impersonating detectives at airports, that's a good thing. There's also the one thats says "idle hands are the devil's playthings", so let's hope he finds something somewhat productive before he's life really does become a Dave Chappelle skit. If America is learning to love Mike Vick again, I'm positive Earl Simmons can slide in under the radar.


[tony's note: him & michael vick could totally start a dog rehabilitation psycho-therapy franchise. everybody wins...]

15 comments:

Federal Ranga said...

Lmao @ the KRS line... that was cold...

I agree though. X definitely needs to find something positive to do with his life... he's getting up at that age now where for a (former?) rappers dont have too many options, especially if they're not wealthy (you know he wasted that Hollywood money years ago). He backed out from the fight? Sucka move you ask me.

Suggestion? Easy. X, man (peep that?) if you want some quick easy money, call up Swizzy, do a Ruff Ryders Drama mixtape with the LOX and Eve and shit, call it a summer.

Another insightful drop, my nigga. BTW, Day one is up on my blog, day two tonight and OYA!!! E-11 is Monday at noon.

Commission!!!

Technique said...

Nah ranga, I think the sucka move was signing up for that shit. Gettin KO'd by some dude no one has heard of would have been the worst shit to happen to him and his career since crack.

I think backing out honestly might have been one of the smartest moves this dude has made in years.

Tony Grands said...

Fed!

Tech!

This is what I would've done....

1)Trained like Rocky avenging Apollo Creed's death.

2)Beat the dude like it was personal.

3)Immediately dropped at least a halfway decent album about what I've been going through, on some heartfelt, grown man, life shit.

At the very least, he would've gotten his name back out there, because the 'nets would've ate that shit up.

If he trained, like really got physically fit, he could've beat dude up. I seen pics & he didn't appear too tough. Not tougher than a nigga that kills dogs, smokes crack & socks up correctional officers.

Funny shit about X, he really lives half of the shit rappers fantasize about. This dude had street cred before it was all trendy (no Bol). He shouldn't pulled out [||]. May have been smart, but fuck that. He's in a position to take chances.

Technique said...

"Not tougher than a nigga that kills dogs, smokes crack & socks up correctional officers."

I don't know if you meant to be funny with that or not but that shit got me rollin.

I agree dude should have started on a new album the day he got out. If he came correct with something heartfelt and true, maybe address his demons on some grown shit, I would support that shit. Shit I still bump It's Dark and Hell is Hot sometimes.

Tony Grands said...

^^^^Ha!

Yeah, I try to keep y'all dudes entertained, lol.

But on the real, check this...

www.tonygrands.blogspot.com/2009/03/earl-simmons-superstar.html

I've always been a fan, way before he become a punchline. I was & still am rooting for X.

& when he was talking that "gospel album" shit, he'd already started to do that. Like, it can be spiritual without being preachy. I thought it was a good idea. Especially today with the whole "grown man rap" movement popping off. A lot of cats can relate to regret, consequence, survival, etc. If anybody can do it (because it sure ain't Ma$e) he could. Still can.

Tony Grands said...

Okay...

Now I just think those dudes want to see a crack head get beaten up. Coolio replaces DMX...

Technique said...

HAHAHAHAH

Now I honestly wanna watch it more than before.

Kiana said...

I like boxing so I would have loved to see DMX go at it with a dude nobody knows, but not if he wasn't willing to get hit in the face. WTF? He aint no Idris Elba who is way hotter than Boris FYI ;)


A gospel album by DMX would be great. He def has a testimony.

Phlip said...

One alleged detail is missing from this, and that is WHY he dropped out of it...
I read somewhere this morning or yesterday that he backed out because the promoters would not fix the fight in his favor.

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