Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Hi-Tech Headache

I bought a Bluetooth a few years back, right before they were the "next big thing". It quickly became the most annoying accessory I've ever had the pleasure of wasting my currency on.

Maybe my ears are oddly proportioned (too much lob, not enough canal), but it never clung to my head with that "Star Trek" nuance the commercials promised. It was more like a "fly guy's" hearing aid. & we all can agree that there's nothing "cool" about pretending to be handicapped (unless the other parking spots are too far away & I'm positive I'll only be a quick minute).

That entire summer, not only did I look like a pathetic cyborg from the future, but the device made my conversations even less private than before. Before, I would hold a cell to my ear, glancing over the heads of people with extreme douche nozzle prowess, babbling incessantly to whatever poor sap I sequestered my Anytime minutes to. Now, whenever I spoke, the entire world was looking at me like some delusional schizophrenic, arguing with myself about groceries. My image meter went from "Hip" to "Holy Cow!" in a matter of 49 dollars & 95 cents. I decided against the "telemarketer" look for obvious reasons, & searched for alternative lines for communication.

After the earpiece debacle, I decided to really dedicate myself to the craft of texting.

I figured what could be more private than letting my fingers do the talking. First, I immersed myself into the fascinating universe of txt tlk. I learned more abbreviated words than an orthodox Jew at day one of an Ebonics Seminar. Now, in my desire to hold entire conversations through type, I neglected one major factor. Pay close attention to who/where the messages are being sent to. Random LoL's, GTFOH's, SMH's, LMMFAO's were sent to people who had no idea what I was trying to say, some of which dialed my number to ask me "Who is this?". Once I sent my mother a text accidentally, & she immediately called me to tell me my phone was broken. Things took a turn for the worse when in I started writing like I was texting.

"U kno wht I meen? R u feeln wht m sayn?"

I began noticing more & more people so consumed by the phenomena that I would watch who was texting, who long they would be "sucked" into their minuscule computer screens, & often think to myself how easy it would be to rob them. "Them", with me included.

There's even a medical condition called "Blackberry thumb" that is significantly similar to carpel tunnel syndrome on a smaller scale. In general, that can not be a good thing.

That's when I realized; A) this shouldn't be the sole interaction between people on a regular basis & B) I'm not a 14 year old girl.

With that, texting was relegated to brief messages & pointless comments.

I find the best way to communicate now is the good old fashioned way. Dirty looks & obscene gestures. Anything outside of those limitations is clearly not important enough to convey.

& at this rate, when the 2 way videophones are affordably available to the mass consumer, I'll be a few steps ahead of the pack.