Monday, February 9, 2009

Chris VS Rihanna

Apparently, R&B singer Rihanna was assaulted by current beau pop sensation Chris Brown.

At press time, details were limited, but allegedly early Sunday morning Brown attacked the songstress leaving visible injuries. A passer by phoned 911, but when the authorities arrived, Brown was not on the scene. He later turned himself in to the LAPD's Wilshire station, was booked then released on $50,000 bail.

The supposed assault took place in Hancock Park, CA, after an argument between the couple became physical.
The two performers were slated to perform respectively at the evening's Grammy awards, but both failed to show up.

Upon hearing this news, after I stopped gaffawing hysterically, a couple of thoughts entered my mind. The first, most important one was "Isn't that dude gay?". I've rarely seen him exude any more masculinity than my 8 year old daughter. I'm even willing to bet my weather-beaten liver that my daughter can probably beat him at arm wrestling as well. Granted, he's only 19, but there should still be a hint of machismo in his infrastructure. & that tattoo behind his ear isn't helping his case at all.

Maybe I'm hating because I can't sing or dance, but I think its more a case of him not triggering my hetero-dar (if "they" can have 'gay-dar', then "we" can have 'hetero-dar'). Or it could just be the stereotypical attitude black men have passed down for generations, "never trust a black man without a mustache". Can a hairless upper lip even qualify one to be a part of the prestigious "black men" brotherhood? If the answer is no, then surely beating his mate in public does. So, by that token, Chris Brown has taken one step further from me second guessing his sexual preference.

The following thought, which prompted more hysterical, bordering on maniacal laughter was, "Why didn't she just kick his ass?". I've seen her videos, & far be it from me to assume that I'm the only person who suspects her Adam's Apple gets photoshopped out of her pictures. She actually looks fully capable of being a body double for Chris Brown, if he were to ever star in an adrenaline-fueled motion picture. For some reason though, unless it involves dancing knife fights, I doubt that will ever happen. For what it's worth, if either of the two were to get "domesticated", I'd automatically assume her to be the aggressor. & all those songs about cars isn't helping her case at all.

I don't condone domestic violence, but sometimes, I understand. Maybe he's mad that he's flipping & spinning around in commercials hawking chewing gum, & accepting less than memorable roles in less than stellar movies to make ends meet, while she's literally blowing all the musical competition off of the Billboard's 200 from the sheer strength of her vocals. That, & the fact that she looks like she can beat up every female in her league (except for maybe Keyshia Cole & Fantasia).

Maybe he had too many Cosmopolitans that night. Or the apple Martini's were extra strong. Either way, now he faces felony charges, & doesn't appear to be the jailhouse type. I'd pay money to see him dance his way out of cell block 4.

When the smoke clears, he'll walk away with the proverbial slap on the wrist, she'll forgive him, & it will disappear from the memories of fans & participants alike. But until then, let us all have a good chuckle, & thank our lucky stars that at least he didn't get all OJ-y on her.