Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Snickers vs. Twix

One of the main things I miss from my alcoholic days are the conversations I had with my fellow bottle huggers. Birds of a feather & what not. To a room full of sober people, a drunk dude is just rambling about pseudo-metaphysical aspects of life that equate to ambient jibber jabber. But, a gaggle of booze hounds, espousing about the wonders of the world, is a think tank unlike any other. How many things do you think were invented by some drunk ass guys just pontificating about nothing in particular. Like aluminum foil. That has "sloshed" written all over it. & the vacuum cleaner. You can't tell me liquor played no part in somebody thinking, "well, how 'bout we just suck it up?"


I'd always said I was going to videotape one of our clubhouse meetings, but then I'd get drunk & forget. The closest I've gotten to those caliber conversations post-addiction was in the breakroom at rehab. Really though, shit got hella heavy sometimes. Had the free coffee been caffeinated, it may have turned bloody once or twice.


Back to my couch.


Although debates over Halo or NBA Live were enthralling, all it took was for a chick to walk past the house, or even appear on the TV, & that became the day's topic of choice. Mainly, what's better, a skinny broad & a thickums? Again, drunkards tend to think outside the box, so needless to say, these exchanges often lasted until the wee hours of the morning. Or until my wife got home. Whichever came first.


Personally, I prefer a lady of the healthier persuasion. I've always equated girth with womanhood. Child bearing hips, ample, succulent breasts, a little arm fat, thighs that give the jeans something to hold on to, all scream "adult female." With a skinny chick, I'm always taken back to the days of elementary school, when the male/female physical attributes were about even. Pointy elbows, bird chests, flat asses, etc. Of course there was always the girl or two who'd developed early, but that anomaly was looked at as more freakshow, than freak show, if you smell my cologne. I believe women are works of art, regardless to specifications. But, when I see chicks who appear to have missed a meal, before I can admire their femininity, I have to get past the urge to offer them a cheese burger. Or a peanut butter sandwich. Where as, a skinny girl looks like she could use a meal, I know for a fact that not only will a thickums not go hungry, but she'll feed my yellow ass in the process. To my heart through my stomach, indeed.


When I say "skinny", I don't mean model anorexic. That's not skinny. Thats morbidly malnutritioned. Ain't shit natural about a woman weighing 97 lbs, unless she's 11 years old or Vietnamese. No shots. That's an eating disorder, or a disease waiting to put you in the earth, & either way, I'm not into bag ladies (word to Erykah Badu). I mean skinny, like "one-too-many-trips-to-the-gym-in-one-week" thin, which is not realistic in today's society of stress, fast food & busy lifestyles. Not being curvaceous & voluptuous doesn't take away from one's feminism, per se, it just doesn't appeal to me. & I consider myself an average joe.


It could be because of my family. The only skinny female relatives I have are that way because of drug addiction (pain pills & alcohol included). I grew up around the type of women who cooked, all the time. & if you appeared to be losing weight, before any of them would inquire about your health or sober status, they tried shoving a pot of gumbo & half a fried chicken down your gullet. I'll be the first to admit that this wasn't the healthiest situation, but what could I tell them that their diabetes medication hasn't already? I grew up under the impression that it was "normal" for a woman to have some meat on her bones, thus, that's what I've always been attracted to. I've even bypassed adorable skinny chicks in my days of chubby chasing, & knew exactly what I was doing.


& don't get me started on sex. That's kinda a no-brainer. Sure, I like a good Karma Sutra marathon like the next heterosexual male, but slim jim bonin' versus chubby lovin' might be one of the few times in life where it's quantity over quality. Cushion for the pushin', so to speak; the more of it, the merrier. I'm not an expert on skinny girl sex, but I'm pretty sure that a semi-exposed rib cage or spine protrusion wouldn't help my erection very much. But a cup that slightly runneth over? 'Nuff said.


Usually, by the end of our Snickers vs. Twix debates, it was a 50/50 split as to who preferred what. Which is probably the outcome in the real world as well. But I'll tell you what; the only season of 'America's Top Model' I ever watched was the one when Toccara won, & I think I voted for Jordan Sparks on 'American Idol', so, yeah.

11 comments:

shante carlan ; said...

*as a young woman, I have the need to tell you that Tocarra did not win that season of America's Next Top Model. Eva did.

my family is a mix of big & small, and nobody ridiculed anyone in a insulting way. a joke was a joke and everyone could take one. when I was in middle school I was scarily obsessed with the models on the runway and felt that all I had to do was not eat, or throw up everything I ate. though my activity was mild, my family quickly nipped it in the bud before it became severe. it was a matter of not liking what I saw in the mirror and taking drastic and dangerous means to "fix" what was "wrong" with me.

now that I'm older I like the way I am, for the most part. I can't stand to see really skinny women either, go figure. they remind me of those ten cents a day kids you see on those commercials at 4AM. good drop!

Tony Grands said...

"*as a young woman, I have the need to tell you that Tocarra did not win that season of America's Next Top Model. Eva did."

^^Thanks sis. Wishful thinking I guess. She's in need of a cheese burger these days herself, so maybe it's better she didn't win. Oh well, I still have (half of) Jordin-or-Jordan. Feel free to correct me again =v)

Daywalker said...

What up Grands. Your drops have been straight fire lately! Man, you weren't kidding about the insane convos that go on when the juice is in the system. Me and my boys go off the deep end when we've had a little too much. And that shit usually starts off on some video game tangent for some reason. Too much Modern Warfare 2 I guess.

It's funny how MOST of my white friends think the complete opposite when it comes to body types in women. We actally had a conversation not too long ago while watching the Saints whoop up on the Cardinals. The flashed a shot of Kim Kardashian in the booth watching the game. We had pretty much agreed that she's pretty nice with it. The token white guy would not agree with us. He said she had a pretty face but the body was a bit much. So I asked him what his ideal chick looks like. He'll take his coffee any which way so I wasn't surprised when he said Keri Hilson. She's cute and all but she could put on a few pounds in my opinion. To each their own I suppose.

I'm a recent translant to your state from the midwest. I've noticed women here are a little thinner than usual. Everytime I hit the gym, I'll see at least a dozen or so chicks that are just skinny as all hell but real top heavy. Nothing in the back either. I'm not sure if that's what the guys here like, or if the women just assume that's what they're supposed to look like. I'm with you man. Keep up the excellent work.

Phlip said...

I cosign this to the fullest of extents!
People look at me like I am somehow crazy because I am just not able to get off on the exposed ribcages and pointy hips on a skinny chick and never have been.
I look at them like THEY are crazy for wanting to bang chicks built like 10 year-old boys.

HustlerVision said...

lol cosign.

What if u had to pick an extreme from both ends say lindesy lohan vs the precious chick

BLESSD1 said...

EFF-ING HILARIOUS!!! Dude...when high or drunk, me and my dudes would go on for HOURS about how to distinguish between "Fine" and "sexy" (fine = voluptuous, curvaceous...a cheesebuger and a deep breath from fat; sexy = slim, toned, yet curvy. Think Gabrielle Union or Halle). This drop reminds me of those conversations that are at least a decade old, and yet, I still abide by those standards in my definitions. Me...I CHASED the thickest, curviest girl in high school who's cups "slightly runneth over", and things were certainly fun then. Fast-forward to the present. W/o regularly playing basketball like she did in high-school...let's just say that she went from being a star small-forward for our school to being a center....for the Saints! LOL! Nowadays, my tastes have changed, and my girl is small, athletic, and curvy...just like I like em.

Jamal7Mile said...

LOL!! Living the life of a booze-hound did have its moments. Due to booze, I've been able to indulge in the entire spectrum of women. From petite stick figures to planet Saturns (Saturn's ring = the guts that wouldn't fit in the pants). And everything in between. Only problem is the booze made them ALL look like Gabrielle Union who, as a 7 months sober male, is what I prefer. Inebriated is bliss, I suppose.

@HustlerVision - If I was still a drunk, I'd take em both...at the same time. Funny thing is I think I DID do this once. I just can't remember.

Anyway, great post!

Don said...

Paydays. Paydays.

Totally off the subject but...

Before I Self Destruct is the fourth studio album by American rapper 50 Cent...achieved certified gold status on January 21, 2010 by the RIAA...

Deeper Than Rap is the third studio album by American rapper Rick Ross...The album finished off 2009 with sales of 406,905...

Now back to the regularly scheduled program...

Curtis75Black said...

I would love to hear a verse on this subject from you. You have one of the sickest minds I've ever encounted.

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