Blood In The Water

"Controversial rapper Eminem has agreed to refrain from performing homophobic lyrics during an upcoming festival in the United Kingdom next summer... Eminem agreed to sign up after he was assured there would be no protests at the show, according to spokesman David Allison...Eminem also reportedly agreed to both parties demands that he censor his lyrics, to avoid confrontation with the gay rights groups in the country." - organizers of the Wireless festival, via AllHipHop.com


The thing I liked about Em when he first came out was that he was White. Let's be clear; who doesn't enjoy a frantic, nut-bag White dude in their crew? No homo. Not one who's under the misconception that he's somehow been transformed into a Black guy by magical association, but one who genuinely embraces his role as "the White dude", free to smoke ounces of hairy-ass electric blue grass from his bong & guzzle cheap, domestic beer until he passes out. That was Marshall, circa '93-'94, when I first got wind of him. He didn't want to be a nigga, & he made that clear. White ignorance is galaxies away from Black ignorance, but it's all the same cup of idiocy. Gucci Mane & Eminem are like kindred spirits, really though, both eager to capitalize from their willingness to be the eye of attention, at all costs. The only thing that truly separates them is skill level. Em, genuinely talented, & Gucci, well, not so much. & for the record, if Marshall Mathers were Black, don't kid yourself into thinking that he would have been equally as successful. There's plenty of Black rappers who are more talented than Em, but would never reach such a level of prominence. Racism is real, folks, like it or not.


The Eminem we all know & love unofficially died to me when I read this statement. Censorship? Word? Say it ain't so, Marshall! Isn't this the same dude he said something about beating Octomom to death with her fetuses, or something like that? & let millions of fans know that his step-dad diddled his glory hole? Surely a few fag references can't be bad enough to make him swallow his artistic expression. & if anybody fathoms the difficulty in swallowing, it would certainly be some-never mind. Regardless, what true artist allows his tongue to be tied? I could understand if Em was hungry, but dude's not starving at all. Just because he doesn't rap about the finest linens & crab meats & golden chariots doesn't mean he's not indulging. I mean, sure, he refuses to stop wearing those God-forsaken Jordan track suits, & until a year ago, he was the only White guy in America with enough balls to still be wearing a wave cap under a teamless fitted cap, but don't let his humble appearance fool you. What's the use of being one of the nicest rap dudes if you're so easily persuaded to edit yourself? I was under the impression that he "just don't give a fuck". How bad could a gay protest be, in the UK? No shots. Perhaps old age & sobriety have caught up with our proverbial bad guy. Expect Vanilla Ice to emerge from his Floridian cocaine binge & challenge Em to a rap-off in the near future.


I tend to stay away from Eminem conversations, because he has a very Tupac-esque following, but I think even the most adamant Shady follower would agree that such back-pedaling is tantamount to bleeding in a shark's den. I was completely fine with him orchestrating a face full of man crotch on national tv. I thought it was funny, except for the part where he attempted to have us believe it to be true, & that he wanted to kick Sasha Baron Cohen's Armenian camel saddle for waggling his snake charmer where Em's mustache should be, only to be outed by an Mtv executive online. To go through all that trouble of Spider-Maning that dude from the ceiling, dressed as Cee Lo Green, only to back pedal was a waste of a good publicity stunt.


On one hand, I do believe that once a celebrity reaches a certain level of exposure, at least a scant amount of responsibility should be taken for what's released to the public. But I'm a realist, & if motherfuckers are too dense to raise their own children, then don't be mad if they come home with eyelid tats & sexually confused behaviors. If Em wants to rap about whatever he sees fit, then as a man, he should stand by his original thought process. Why waste so much time & money, only to let a crowd of ambiguous stone-throwers decide what's best for the rest of the listening populous? When he did that performance with Elton John, to show the homosexual community how harmless he was, it made sense that he slowed up with the gay bashing afterwards. At that point in his career, it was a good move. A couple of records down the line, & one would be a bit hard pressed to find the same homophobic hatred that had existed on the 'Marshall Mathers LP'. But, to release 'Relapse', which was probably his most "important" album, rife with some of the most offending lyrics of 2009, & be tethered by a threat of limp wrist revolt is astounding. What I would do is, make them think I'm going with the program, hit the stage & go all out, possibly doing some new music, full of the most offensive lyrics I could think of. Not only would that be great publicity, but it would be a glimpse into part of the reason the world fell in love with Em to begin with. He could even take it a notch beyond, & get drunk on stage. What's the worse they can do to him. Not buy his records? Any existing fan of his music is sitting patiently by their computer's waiting for a hard body moment to restore faith in their musical messiah. Why not now?


Let us take a moment to notice the power & momentum that the gay community is achieving in the world today. Just saying...


Part of the charm of the Eminem phenomenon was his unwillingness to conform, & the fact that he could say things that the average young rap star couldn't. Imagine the alarms that would ring if Tony Yayo said he wanted to rape Brittany Spears. Not that he's a star, but you smell my cologne. Popular White females are the Holy Grail of Hollywood, & Marshall has made violent, sexually perverse threats at all of them. Had he been Black, he would've been White-balled for sure. Em should embrace that power & continue to pillage the world for their monies, like he's been doing.


Fuck biting my tongue, that shit hurts. & if you've ever tried to put a Band-Aid on your tongue, you know how much that sucks.