Monday, December 14, 2009

Man Talk Mondays

Sometimes it's amazing to me just how much my baby mom's hates me. It's like some movie shit, going uproariously out of her way to make me miserable. It doesn't work, by the way, if only because I'm fully aware of how good God is & I love my wife. Still, I'm baffled by the amount of energy she puts into despising me, even though I haven't had a conversation with the broad in months, really though.

At one point, I blamed her poor sense of logic & actuality for her ultra resentment. But that was when I was full of myself & liquors & spirits & couldn't think in a straight line. Now that I'm professionally sober, I see that her extreme disdain for me is far & beyond any place that I touched in her soul. Likewise, most women suffer from the same affliction, a void that can never be filled, & any attempts will be: scoffed at, then accepted, then rejected, then hated, in that order. While my uncles were busy telling me what type of women I should be going after, they never bothered to tell me which ones to avoid at all costs. I'm not the only guy in this position, & my proof is the volume of dudes who talk bad about the mothers of their children. I should start an online support group for us. We could all log on simultaneously, & watch 'The Maury Povich Show' in hopes of catching glimpses of the holy grail of paternity; "you are NOT the father!". Sweet vindication. & then I get jealous towards the lucky, bullet-dodging son of a bitch. Stupid ass nigga will probably be back on the show in another year though, sitting on stage with another, yet somehow less attractive floozie, yelling & screaming about how this kid isn't his either. Some niggas never know when enough is enough.

I should've known better than to become so emotionally intimate with a woman(?) without a father, who had a child at age 14. Instead of red flags & sirens registering, I allowed animal instinct to take control, as I hunted my prey. It's like black bears who die from rattlesnake bites. All the bear sees is a meal, completely ignoring any possible outcome, aside from the one he creates in his mind. Time is of the essence as he feverishly bounds about planning to pounce, instead of studying his prey, looking beyond the fancy package & zeroing in on the possibility of the unknown. &, as the venom warms his blood vessels & darkens his vision, he remembers the barely visible warning signs, the signs that most likely spelled "detour", & more appropriately, "nah, this the wrong one, homie!". Ultimately, the bear gets his meal, & a lifetime's worth of headache & unnecessary bull shit to wash it down. Natural selection can be a beast if burden, if you will. Just saying.

This reason this is on my mind is because, as men, we have to make better choices in mate-choosing. & if we happen to be in the percentage of those who effed up, we have to teach our children that time is fleeting & to make the best decisions possible. "Future" is a word that many people don't use, lest it be in a negative way. The average person, regardless of social status & communal upbringing, hinges on the present. When said future does rear it's head, what usually comes to fruition is the unexpected, & I don't know about y'all, but I hate surprises. It's always so easy to blame the woman for being screwed up or bitter, but somebody's making them this way. Chances are, that broad you meet at the club, exchanged numbers with, invited over & boned had a lifetime subscription to issues of a magazine you couldn't understand even if you really wanted to. It's not your fault she's a bag lady, but by default, you have to sustain the cargo she's incurred. Have you ever brought home a stray dog/cat/billy goat, & it was cool at first. Then, you accidentally step on it's tail & Hell is unleashed. There's a reason behind that "emotional" outburst. You not first person to take the stray in, & surely not the first to mistreat it & cause it pain. So, even though it was far from intentional, the sum was no different.

I believe women are naturally loving & compassionate. Men, as boys however, are taught to be just the opposite. What happens when we meet at the adult intersection is a moral clash, which results in providing the perfect amount of negative energy to push a woman's love over the thin line of separation into hate, & thats an irreversible event horizon, unless you walk around with a flux capacitor in your pocket, or know how to bend the time space continuum. Shit, I don't. I know about as much about quantum physics as I do about cloning sheep.

More specifically, we, as men, can't be too mad at the women who we lazily give children to. If the Bible's right, & the man is the Head of the Body, then we can't be mad if all other "parts" falter on our watch. I believe a good amount of dudes who loathe their baby momma's are truly mad at themselves. They might as well have gotten hit by a diesel truck traveling 8 MPH. In other words, that shit could've been avoided with the proper consideration. Hindsight is 20/20, no doubt, but to just think, it was so simple, it became complicated. For this reason alone, I admire animals, in the sense that they don't compromise their "fight-or-flight" instinct. If something even kinda looks askew, they bolt, & don't stop until they're positive they've fled danger. Men look at that feeling as a challenge to themselves, & as a result, have to endure whatever backlash it subscribes to.

See, I hate hearing young cats already deterred from marriage on account of tasting some bad Kool-Aid, per se. Or seeing their brothers & uncles on the business end of a horrible relationship, & judging their possibilities based on that. Trust, it's not as bad as it seems. For every 2 chicks that are hopelessly lost, there's 1 who's worth all the time & effort living will allow. I know what I speak. One of the best things about life is finding a woman who has your best interests at heart, without all the unnecessary complication. Those are the ones you find when you think with the big head, as well as the little one. Because that little one will lead you to seemingly happy times, but ultimately abysmal places. Again, it's that word "future" that needs careful consideration.

It's times like these when a parent hopes that the whole "do as I say, not as I do" mantra holds some type of weight. One would like to think that showing their seeds the outcomes of bad decision making would help them steer clear of any grievance. Yet, how many of us actually listened to the fables our parents piled up on the dinner table, right next to the vegetables we didn't eat either? Fuck being healthy & strong, I want cake. & lots of it. & I'll deal with the stomach ache later.

Really though, there's some shit that Pepcid can't help you with.


Vee (Scratch) said...

I should've known better than to become so emotionally intimate with a woman(?) without a father, who had a child at age 14.

Two things, when I was younger I noticed a huge difference between a young woman that grew up with her father present and young girls that did not have an older male figure in their lives. Note, there's also a difference between a loving, supporting father in their lives and a father-daughter relationship filled with tension.

Second, I once recall hearing a number of radio personalities trying to shame young men who steer clear of women with children. Puhhhlease!! I knew early on that I wasn't going to be ready to be in any relationship with a women that already have 1 or 2 kids.

Natural selection can be a beast if burden, if you will.
So true, some times nature clouds your judgement. Men and women some times act without rhyme, reason, logic or plan.

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