Tuesday, December 1, 2009

a Tiger in the doghouse

How long did Tiger think this fantastic voyage would last?


Certain forces cannot be contained forever. Especially one with such fortitude & resilience as being a Black man, regardless of what other race he's cut with. Tiger stopped acting like a Black man years ago, but there was never any denying that he's a nigga, through & through. All that Nike money helped replace menthol loosies with Cuban hand-rolled cigars, & backyard bbq's are now literal backyard golf tourneys, but high society snobbery is no match for nigganomics. That type shit is universal, like the word "no".


When Tiger Woods first burst on the scene, the commotion wasn't from his god-like golfing ability, but rather is dual ethnicity. What began as murmurs of "How dare this jigaboo play our game so well?" evolved into "Oh, he's only half-Black. Never mind, it's cool". & like that, America forgot that it's newest, club-swinging sweetheart was in fact a Black dude. For the longest, I really didn't see what was all that "Black" about him until I saw his Snow Bunny wife. If getting rich & wifing a white chick doesn't scream "successful Black athlete", then I don't know what does.


[tony's note: wife whips that ass for cheating, busts out your car window & not snitching on her=nigga shit...]


See, I call it the "Werewolf Theory". No matter how white-washed & multicultural a brother may be, certain situations are like a nigga full moon (Wesley Snipes, anyone?). Enhanced White chicks notwithstanding. For all we know, Tiger has his own Popeye's built into his mansion. That would possibly explain why he always appears to have eaten his chap stick. Chicken grease is the most hardbody lip gloss ever. I've seen that shit go head up against Ivory soap & emerge victorious.


The White women are out the bag, the police are lurking around, Tiger has no choice but to sip some cognac & let the transformation take place. What goes ignored, however, is that he's half Asian also. Theoretically, he's probably 3 steps ahead of the cops by now, with scientific notions & mathematic equations to keep his boo out of harm's way, like any real nigga would.


In all his successful year's as America's poster boy mulatto, he might've forgotten that he was half-Black. I'm sure he was reminded as his wife haymaker'd him & chased him down their luxurious driveway with one of his signature golf clubs in tow, though. & I'm positive the sentence "Ya Black ass!" had to be muttered at least once. It's only right. She must not be familiar with the beloved antics of one Orenthal James Simpson. Or maybe even she forgot he was par Black as well, & by the time she remembered, it's was too late.


Now Tiger has called off of his own Tournament. I guess that was easier than wearing some big ass sunglasses to hide the black eye she gave him. Domestic violence is real people, & if you don't believe Tiger's doctors, ask Al Green's face. Then again, this could all be one big misunderstanding, & if that's the case, then Tiger my money's on Tiger being a tremendous closet drunk, & it's the White woman who truly came to his rescue. Which is probably why he got with her in the first place.

4 comments:

Polotron said...

And now I have to watch Chappelle's "Racial Draft" again tonight...

Chilly Willy said...

"Chicken grease is the most hardbody lip gloss ever. I've seen that shit go head up against Ivory soap & emerge victorious."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hilarious shit ! Popeye's got the iron with them spinachs, fuck a Ivory ! LMAO !!!

"She must not be familiar with the beloved antics of one Orenthal James Simpson. Or maybe even she forgot he was par Black as well, & by the time she remembered, it's was too late."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
For real, though. When would snow bunnies learn that marrying a nigga who happens to throw his hands for a living (OJ, Tiger, anyone, Tyson, Jordan, Jackson, action...) ain't all that. Whenever she trigga that real nigga inside, she's liable to get brown'd. They should stick to rapsters (ask Ice-T's human-size glass coaster and the woman on top of it). Then again, she gotta be careful whenever he ask for a sandwich or invite you in a Lambo....

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