Happy New Year, Bitches!

First & foremost, I want to extend peace, blessings, & prayers to all of you reading this. May your higher power be with you as we begin a new season of earthly life. Secondly, if you are reading this, congrats! You've survived another year on this God-forsaken planet, successfully navigating death, despair, poverty, disease (hopefully) & dozens of other misfortunate happenings that plenty of folks have succumbed to. So, no matter how bad things may appear, rejoice in your apparent resilience, & rest assured that, though another person's existence is by no means a measuring stick, there's always someone who's worse off than you. Whether that makes you happy or sad is your call. I'm just here to point shit out & provide commentary. All other assessments are yours to make. No need to thank me, but you are welcome, just in case.


However, I will thank you, for fucking with me. Pause-if that makes you uncomfortable. As I've stated several times, there's no tangible reason for cats & dogs & birds to come & read my words. I appreciate the fact that you deem me worthy of your time. Time, being the most expensive asset in the world, because once it's gone, it's gone, even if you're Marty McFly. When I was a kid, I was adamant on building a time machine, so once I got to a certain age, I could go back in time & do it again. When I grew up, I realized that even if I did that, I'd still grow old, but perhaps I'd be able to warn a youthful Tony Grands about avoidable missteps. Then I remembered some movies I'd seen about flux capacitors & space-time continuums, & my high started coming down, & I was off that. But anyway...


I want to share a few things I've learned this year, if I may. I've learned that the majority of your family has no blood relation to you. I've learned that life is short as hell, & if you're a Black man, over the age of 35, you are middle-aged. I'm creeping up on 34, so, yeah. I've learned that anger is a heavy burden, & forgiveness is an elusive state of mind, & the two cannot occupy the same space simultaneously. I haven't quite learned yet how to make the transition between the two, but I'm working on that. I'll keep you posted.


I've learned that women are easy to please, but men are too stubborn to see it. That one was actually a couple of years in the making, but now I have the solidified happiness to show & share with the world. I've learned that being a good parent is usually the deciding factor in the child's victories & failures. As well, I've learned that being a good parent is a trait that is born from humility, experience & a willingness to step back sometimes & let nature take it's course. I've learned that my parents aren't super heroes, or robots, but rather normal human beings, just like me. & no matter how hard I try, I'll never be a super hero, or robot, either. I've learned that mustard is good on any type of meat. Pause. I've learned that most adult humans can't digest milk, & those that can have a mutated gene. I've learned that A LOT of people don't really read the Bible, they just skim through to the "good" parts. I've learned that "the truth" is dependent on the eye of the beholder, like beauty, but actuality never, ever changes.


I've learned that more people love & respect me, than hate & despise me. I've learned that I love & respect more people than I hate & despise. Actually, I've learned that I really don't hate anyone, & quite possibly never have. Hate is a strong emotion. Stronger than most people can truly fathom. It's just such a fun word to toss around that it's lost it's edge, like "nigga". I've learned how gullible people fall in love over the Internet. Personality is the axis of attraction, even if physical qualities distract us. If one's personality is genuine, assuming they're being true, how could a bond not be formed, even without physical contact? I've learned that you don't have to meet someone in person for them to be a friend. & I've learned that a personal relationship with someone doesn't mean they're your friend, regardless of what they say. "They" always have something to say...


Don't you just love how Black folks love to end any ceremonious event with a shout out? On Court TV, I actually saw a dude rattle off "shout outs" as he was being escorted away for life imprisonment. Roffle mayo. Oh well, he'll think twice before he murders a prostitute again. But anyway, there's far too many cats who supported me over this last year or so, but I love y'all motherfuckers. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! Thanks for the support, for believing in me, for the kind words, the intelligent exchanges, the real talks-when necessary, & basically being there for me, as well as giving me a reason to be here for y'all. Really though, I appreciate the appreciation.


Brand new year, brand new bullshit, same old nigga...Happy New Year, Bitches!


[tony's note: keep your goddamned gun(s) in the house tonight...please]

Man Talk Mondays

Sometimes it's amazing to me just how much my baby mom's hates me. It's like some movie shit, going uproariously out of her way to make me miserable. It doesn't work, by the way, if only because I'm fully aware of how good God is & I love my wife. Still, I'm baffled by the amount of energy she puts into despising me, even though I haven't had a conversation with the broad in months, really though.


At one point, I blamed her poor sense of logic & actuality for her ultra resentment. But that was when I was full of myself & liquors & spirits & couldn't think in a straight line. Now that I'm professionally sober, I see that her extreme disdain for me is far & beyond any place that I touched in her soul. Likewise, most women suffer from the same affliction, a void that can never be filled, & any attempts will be: scoffed at, then accepted, then rejected, then hated, in that order. While my uncles were busy telling me what type of women I should be going after, they never bothered to tell me which ones to avoid at all costs. I'm not the only guy in this position, & my proof is the volume of dudes who talk bad about the mothers of their children. I should start an online support group for us. We could all log on simultaneously, & watch 'The Maury Povich Show' in hopes of catching glimpses of the holy grail of paternity; "you are NOT the father!". Sweet vindication. & then I get jealous towards the lucky, bullet-dodging son of a bitch. Stupid ass nigga will probably be back on the show in another year though, sitting on stage with another, yet somehow less attractive floozie, yelling & screaming about how this kid isn't his either. Some niggas never know when enough is enough.


I should've known better than to become so emotionally intimate with a woman(?) without a father, who had a child at age 14. Instead of red flags & sirens registering, I allowed animal instinct to take control, as I hunted my prey. It's like black bears who die from rattlesnake bites. All the bear sees is a meal, completely ignoring any possible outcome, aside from the one he creates in his mind. Time is of the essence as he feverishly bounds about planning to pounce, instead of studying his prey, looking beyond the fancy package & zeroing in on the possibility of the unknown. &, as the venom warms his blood vessels & darkens his vision, he remembers the barely visible warning signs, the signs that most likely spelled "detour", & more appropriately, "nah, this the wrong one, homie!". Ultimately, the bear gets his meal, & a lifetime's worth of headache & unnecessary bull shit to wash it down. Natural selection can be a beast if burden, if you will. Just saying.


This reason this is on my mind is because, as men, we have to make better choices in mate-choosing. & if we happen to be in the percentage of those who effed up, we have to teach our children that time is fleeting & to make the best decisions possible. "Future" is a word that many people don't use, lest it be in a negative way. The average person, regardless of social status & communal upbringing, hinges on the present. When said future does rear it's head, what usually comes to fruition is the unexpected, & I don't know about y'all, but I hate surprises. It's always so easy to blame the woman for being screwed up or bitter, but somebody's making them this way. Chances are, that broad you meet at the club, exchanged numbers with, invited over & boned had a lifetime subscription to issues of a magazine you couldn't understand even if you really wanted to. It's not your fault she's a bag lady, but by default, you have to sustain the cargo she's incurred. Have you ever brought home a stray dog/cat/billy goat, & it was cool at first. Then, you accidentally step on it's tail & Hell is unleashed. There's a reason behind that "emotional" outburst. You not first person to take the stray in, & surely not the first to mistreat it & cause it pain. So, even though it was far from intentional, the sum was no different.


I believe women are naturally loving & compassionate. Men, as boys however, are taught to be just the opposite. What happens when we meet at the adult intersection is a moral clash, which results in providing the perfect amount of negative energy to push a woman's love over the thin line of separation into hate, & thats an irreversible event horizon, unless you walk around with a flux capacitor in your pocket, or know how to bend the time space continuum. Shit, I don't. I know about as much about quantum physics as I do about cloning sheep.


More specifically, we, as men, can't be too mad at the women who we lazily give children to. If the Bible's right, & the man is the Head of the Body, then we can't be mad if all other "parts" falter on our watch. I believe a good amount of dudes who loathe their baby momma's are truly mad at themselves. They might as well have gotten hit by a diesel truck traveling 8 MPH. In other words, that shit could've been avoided with the proper consideration. Hindsight is 20/20, no doubt, but to just think, it was so simple, it became complicated. For this reason alone, I admire animals, in the sense that they don't compromise their "fight-or-flight" instinct. If something even kinda looks askew, they bolt, & don't stop until they're positive they've fled danger. Men look at that feeling as a challenge to themselves, & as a result, have to endure whatever backlash it subscribes to.


See, I hate hearing young cats already deterred from marriage on account of tasting some bad Kool-Aid, per se. Or seeing their brothers & uncles on the business end of a horrible relationship, & judging their possibilities based on that. Trust, it's not as bad as it seems. For every 2 chicks that are hopelessly lost, there's 1 who's worth all the time & effort living will allow. I know what I speak. One of the best things about life is finding a woman who has your best interests at heart, without all the unnecessary complication. Those are the ones you find when you think with the big head, as well as the little one. Because that little one will lead you to seemingly happy times, but ultimately abysmal places. Again, it's that word "future" that needs careful consideration.


It's times like these when a parent hopes that the whole "do as I say, not as I do" mantra holds some type of weight. One would like to think that showing their seeds the outcomes of bad decision making would help them steer clear of any grievance. Yet, how many of us actually listened to the fables our parents piled up on the dinner table, right next to the vegetables we didn't eat either? Fuck being healthy & strong, I want cake. & lots of it. & I'll deal with the stomach ache later.


Really though, there's some shit that Pepcid can't help you with.

"& get the hell outta the way."

I try not to get into politics, religion & parenting with anyone other than my wife, for obvious reasons. People, in general, are noncomformist when it comes to their ideologies & beliefs, whether right or wrong. One's belief system is often the main idiosyncrasy of their personality, & allowing that to be swayed or changed would symbolize a less than concrete stance on who they are as individuals. Basically, who we are is what we believe, & that's what separates us from one another.


One of my mainstay beliefs is my faith in God. My background is deeply rooted in Baptist teachings, with a twist of Catholicism, but as I've gotten older, I've broken from the "traditional" system of thinking & traversed theology on by my own scruples & disciplines. Regardless of semantics, God is who/what/where I turn when I can no longer find solace in the mankind's problem-solving abilities. Granted, your higher power may not be God, but the point of letting go still remains intact.


I'd be hard pressed to always rely on my limited human capabilities to solve life's dilemmas. Even if what I've come to accept as actuality is completely juxtaposed to reality, sometimes it's good to be able to release secular worries to something, anything. As I've gotten older, & presumably wiser (?), I notice that more often than not, I tell people to "let go & let God". I'm almost positive I've heard that repeatedly growing up, but it became more incessant after rehab, & although there, surrounded by addicts & derelicts, it was another variation of the saying, the sentiment is no less relevant. Lately, I've been adding my own personalized spin, if only to emphasize my point even further.


Let go, & let God, & get the hell outta the way.


I guess my implication is that, if your intention is to truly give your situation(s) to God, you have to be willing to not only sacrifice power, but fully submit to your faith in God's ability to accomplish what you can't. I do realize that this doesn't apply to everyone, & depending on the foundation laid, we may be talking about to completely different entities. &, that's cool too. I'm not a preacher or reformist, so my plan isn't to get one to deviate from their principals. However, if I can offer a word or three to someone willing to listen, then why the hell not?


I'm not telling anyone to go find God. But I'm just giving testimony to what I believe can make life a lot easier. We all go through things, some of us more often than others, & advice from another problem magnets isn't enough sometimes. Just saying...


I'd love to turn this into a philosophical discussion on the existence (or non-existence) of God, but that's for the individual to decide. But, I'd be doing myself & others a disservice if I didn't at least put the thought(s) out there. Planting the proverbial seed, so to speak.