5 Reasons Female Rappers Are Out Of Style

I grew up in the era where an occasional female voice in Hip Hop could be totally appreciated. We had Queen Latifah, Yo-Yo, MC Lyte, Ms. Melody, the lesser known's: Bahamadia, Boss, Monie Love, Rah Digga, and dozens of other X-chromosomed p.o.v.'s. Nowadays, not so much. Every blue (or pink) moon, a woman attempts to throw her panty hose into the ring to no avail, unless you're a scantily clad Nicki Minaj. The past is no more. Today, the female rapper is virtually extinct. But, why? Maybe it's because of...


#5. Porn
In theory, women should be seen, not heard. Not that I subscribe to this belief, but let's face it; it's not about what I think. Men don't want a women clamoring about things. They'd much rather watch them bounce around, keeping their precious thoughts to themselves. In Hip Hop, the female MC is very vocal, about everything from broke dudes, to women's liberation, to their skill set in fellatio. As long as there's porn though, all the visual gratification is meet, without opinions & lip-service. & porn soundtracks are usually pretty funky. With the evolution of the Internet, what once was a hunt to flesh out the flesh, is now a finger's push away. I'm surprised they still have women on the news doing the weather.


#4. Male Femininity
All the things that make a woman a woman, in Hip Hop at least, can & is done by men now. If you follow the rap scene, you can easily name several cat-fights that have broken out between male MC's over the last few years. Yes, cat-fights. Oddly, male rappers are screaming & pawing at each other without any fear of an altercation ever taking place. If you say a rapper's name in your song, good or bad, expect all the finger pointing & neck-rolling you'd witness at your local hair salon, or on the Tyra Banks show. Except, from guys. Rappers used to bank on being dirty, grimy & "from the streets". Now, they wear more jewelry than my grandmother at Easter service. & don't get me started on the tight pants, hair 'do's, bright colors. Take Kanye West for example. He's had more emotional outbursts than Anne Heche, & that can't be a good thing.


#3. Female Masculinity
Let's face it, women are threatening enough without taking on the role of a man. Nothing's more frightening than being out duded by a non-dude. Men like to feel we're in control of such things as promiscuity, violence & blissful ignorance. Take that away from us & all we're good for is taking out trash, killing insects & moving furniture. In most instances, record companies are run by guys, & it would be difficult to move on to other record labels looking for employment with "got my ass kicked by MC Cupcakes" on his resume. A strong, independent, tenacious woman is a powerful entity, but if said entity is hell bent on beating you in arm wrestling or winning a spit contest, & will be shaving their legs immediately following, that can be uncomfortable.


#2 The Waning Recording Industry
It takes lots of money to fund an artists' project. Money that goes to food, transportation, clothing, & miscellaneous needs. See, with guys, this budget is usually slashed by a month's supply of white t-shirts & all they Whoppers they can stuff into their mouths in between gulps of generic champagne (or cheap malt liquor-depending). Women don't just eat whatever's piled in front of them (& those that do, well, God bless them). Not to sound sexist, but most women actually eat fruit & other healthy things. The closest men get to fruit is if it's packaged in some sort of wax paper & sold on the candy aisle. Women are just more expensive creatures, even the smaller ones. I can get a 3-pack of boxers for around $7. One pair of thongs, mind you it's only 1/3 the size of regular panties, is at least that much. A 4-pack of tank tops for me, about the same amount. However, one bra, depending on mojumbo size, starts at roughly $10, & thats before taking under wires & straps into consideration. "It's cheaper to keep her" only refers to divorce settlements & child-support payments.


And....


#1. They Just Really Aren't Built for It
Sad, but true. Women, to me, are genuinely stronger & more resilient than men on any given day. Especially if that day involves period cramps or child birth. But when it comes to rapping, not so much. The one's who are good at it eventually encounter some traumatic emotional experience that they're never able to fully recover from. Why? Because females are emotional creatures, which works great for raising families & supporting dead beats, but emotion is the main ingredient for music industry failure. Take Da Brat, for example. She got drunk at a club, & tried to lobotomize another chick with a champagne bottle. Up & coming MC Remy Ma suspected a close friend was stealing her money. So, she did what any rational minded person would do, & shot her friend in the stomach. & human Barbie Doll Li'l Kim, well, thats all I'll say for her. Just, Lil Kim. Lastly, Lauryn Hill was a beast of an MC, female or otherwise. She's arguably the nicest rappette to do it, ever. Nonetheless, before her ability came to full fruition, what happened? She fell in love with a crazy ass, still married, quasi-famous dude, his craziness rubbed off on her, & next thing you know, she's instructing people to call her Ms. Hill while wearing clown make-up & reciting haiku's to sold out crowds in Europe.


Personally, I don't mind women hovering around, doing whatever it is they do. Actually, I'd prefer if women did more things in society, & if they did those things naked, that would be even more awesome. & I'll even compromise; I'll settle for topless. Go ahead & keep on your pants, because honestly, there's nothing worse than a broad farting with no clothes on. Well, maybe a naked broad farting while she's facing the other way & bending over touching her toes. That ranks up there with digging in your nose during sex.