Friday, October 16, 2009

a little somethin' for the weekend...

I find myself taking jabs at Black women sometimes (figuratively; no need to email Oprah Winfrey), without provocation. I mean, sure, a lot of them have these atrocious attitudes that negate any sense of logic. &, yeah, sometimes they don't seem to operate within the same confines as "normal" people. But thats not necessarily an excuse, or reason to be so hard on them (no pun intended). In most instances, it's way deeper then some air headed groupie chick who just wants to be the center of attention.


I'll give you an example; I've known my wife for approximately 10 years. Honestly speaking, I stopped looking for what's "wrong" with her some years back. I could just be blinded by her beauty, I could just have grown accustomed to her "ways", or it could possibly be that, what may actually be "wrong" with her, in comparison to what's wrong with a lot of young, Black women, is so minuscule that I won't ever find what I'm searching for. When we met, she had no kids, & she was in college. Hell, theoretically speaking, I could be the worst thing to ever happen to her. That rationalization & cognition may very well be the reason I appreciate her so much. Black women don't get that type of gratitude & humility from Black men much. We're too busy high signin' & stuntin' & flossin' for everybody else to see. Fuck everybody else.


This same selfishness trickles down to our daughters; has done so for generations. Then, when she turns 14 & comes home in tears, horrified as she says she's pregnant, we want to blame her. Spank her. Oh, now you want to touch her, when thats all she wanted as a child? See what I did there? I'm a firm advocate in healthy hypnosis. Not brainwashing, you idiots, but telling a child, repeatedly, how important they are, how smart they can be & how they can accomplish anything with enough tenacity. Basically, the same things these God-forsaken rap songs do, except with positive intentions. I'm thinking I'll release a set of self-help audio books for children, that consist of nothing more than me repeating positive phrases over melodies & drum patterns. Of course, I'd have to put some stank on it, get 'em grooving a little. You know, lubricate the attention & slide the affirmations right on in there. Ground level morality. A grass roots campaign for positive reinforcement, embedded so deeply into the child's psyche that no man will be able to erase it.


When we blame irresponsible, incoherent women for societal problems, Black or otherwise, it has to boomerang. Father's play a large role in what positions women find themselves in, I believe. Sans the psycho-babble, females look to men for protection, guidance, companionship, & if those needs aren't met before they're old enough to, say, audition for King magazine (R. I. P.) or find some club's stripper pole to keep warm, then what can we possibly expect anything other than that?


Often, I look at my mother, wife, daughter (who I rarely see through no fault of my own), & female friends to get a glimpse of how I can become a better husband & father. Although I usually recognize some common sensical aspect that I should've automatically known, I'm grateful that I learned early enough that I can still hand it down to my son before he's hypnotized by movies & rap music. I'm on a crusade to educated Black men as to their roles in the development, as well as the demise of the Black woman. & any woman, for the matter.


Without them, there'd be no us.


This is why mistakes are such valuable life tools, be it ours or the next human's. If people didn't fuck shit up, we'd never know how to gauge success. Kudos to my dudes that have their eyes open. Keep fighting the good fight, niggas.


Word.

10 comments:

Kiana said...

Is it really just black women that don't know how to operate like "normal" people or just women in general? Or better yet, all people? Seems to me EVERYBODY has attitudes, are rude, and/or ridiculous nowadays. I just hate generalizations because when you're dealing with humans, what you say about one group can almost always be replicated in another group. I'm sure there is a Chinese man in China saying the same thing about a Chinese woman!


"I could just be blinded by her beauty, I could just have grown accustomed to her "ways","....OR ding dong you could just be in love with her! LOL. Or is it not that simple?


"This same selfishness trickles down to our daughters; has done so for generations."...Are you saying that women get their selfishness from men? How so?




I wholeheartedly agree that men are crucial to shaping women into "good" women, whatever that really means. Not to say that women don't know how to raise women, because they do all the time, but somewhere down the line a man needs to be present so girls aren't searching for that missing [whatever y'all got] in all the wrong places. It goes the other way as well, men need these so-called good women in their lives to in order to learn how to treat us.



Finally, make that album w/ lots of stank on it! LOL

Tony Grands said...

Ki! Whaddup?!

*Is it really just black women that don't know how to operate like "normal" people or just women in general? Or better yet, all people? Seems to me EVERYBODY has attitudes, are rude, and/or ridiculous nowadays. I just hate generalizations because when you're dealing with humans, what you say about one group can almost always be replicated in another group. I'm sure there is a Chinese man in China saying the same thing about a Chinese woman*
^^^i started the whole paragraph with specifically saying I take jabs @ Black women. That was the premise to who I was addressing/refering to. No need to include everybody, when I'm speaking directly to a select people. Maybe because I'm Black, & have limited experience with other races, or because I purposely didn't include other races, the generalization was based on my truth. My experiences. I'm sorry, I should've started with, "In my personal opinion..." I don't know what chinese ppl do or say, but I know what Black people do & say.

*"I could just be blinded by her beauty, I could just have grown accustomed to her "ways","....OR ding dong you could just be in love with her! LOL. Or is it not that simple?*
^^that's not fair to isolate that one part when the continuation goes on to say, more or less that there may not be anything wrong @ all, & if it is, maybe it's me. & no, most things aren't that simple, in my opinion. I don't use the word "simple" because to me, it implies that thought is not needed, & thats how mistakes, however small, are made.

*"This same selfishness trickles down to our daughters; has done so for generations."...Are you saying that women get their selfishness from men? How so?*
^^again, it's easy to take one point & quote it, then end the quote where a comma begins an ajoining thought. The selfishness that most men have when dealing with women who need them. That trickles, which is what makes it selfish. Men (speaking from personal experience) are selfish on many levels. How many dudes do you know who left their kids just because? Better yet, how many do you hear about on a regular basis? & nah, I don't think it was implied that women get selfishness from men. I never called women selfish. I think you reading more into than intended.

*I wholeheartedly agree that men are crucial to shaping women into "good" women, whatever that really means.*
^^it means that a father is as important as a mother. & I never once took anything away from women raising daughters, I did however highlight that men need to be more active & responsible in their roles in girls/womens lives.

* but somewhere down the line a man needs to be present so girls aren't searching for that missing [whatever y'all got] in all the wrong places. It goes the other way as well, men need these so-called good women in their lives to in order to learn how to treat us*
^^i never made a point against that, & apparently the point I made a few times, which was similar got over shadowed by something else that caught your attention more.

*Finally, make that album w/ lots of stank on it! LOL*
^^from the looks of it, I don't need to make that CD, seems I'm not conveying message correctly with words. No need to conuse it even more so with music in the background.

I understand that you think I hate women, Black women in general, but thats far from the case. Don't read it thinking "he he goes again", because I'm not going again. I was actually talking to brothers, not sisters, about how we need to get our shit together. I recommend you read it again.

Phlip said...

I did not take this post as misogynist, and not necessarily a shot at black women.
Trust, CNN's "Black in America" caused me and some friends to collab on a blog titled ... are the going out of style? last year as a result of the fallout we received as a result of the presentation.

I WOULD go in specifically to each counterpoint presented, but it seems to ME that the writer did an effective job of speaking to him on his own with the one exception with which I wholeheartedly agree with Kiana, in which it was stated that you deal with her ways in the name of love. It is the compromise that we normally do not see.

At the end of it all, generalizations, no matter how accurate, are USUALLY rooted in and run through a smattering of truth, and human nature being what it is, those being generalized will fight back at them.
Mature humanity presents the forum necessary to come to conversations, such as this, with the ability to OBJECTIVELY discourse on these things without pointing fingers, calling names or in-fighting.

Good drop, Grands.
Good counterpoints, Kiana.
Good job holding it in when responding, Grands...

Keep it up, all.

Kiana@propertalks.com said...

LOL i like how you say hey ki and then go IN. Okay, woah, woah woah. let me clear up some things...

1st, I don't think you have a thing against black women AT ALL. I wouldn't be dealing with you if I thought you did.

My point about bringing in Chinese women is to point out that I don't think women with atrocious attitudes are just applicable to "some" black women as you say. Plus I studied chinese for 4 years so I know them, lol. As a woman who has dealt with women of all colors, I've seen that women have fuxed up attitudes in every shade. That was the ONLY point I was trying to make. As a black woman, regardless if this post was about women or not, as soon as you admit to taking jabs at us sometimes, my only reaction is to say 'hey hey, it's not just us'. that's all. I do the same when black women go IN on black men.



The part about your wife - I honestly only highlighted that one part because I thought it would be too much to bring out the whole thing. My statements about love refer to everything you said there. My point was that I think you deal with her ways because you love her and she loves you. All the examples you mentioned in that paragraph are my ideas of love. When I said "simple" i was just thinking I would have said I deal with her ways because I love her. One word, rather than all the things you mentioned. that's all.


I asked the question about selfishness really because I wanted to know what you meant by what I quoted. In the paragraph before you said that black men are too busy high signin and stutin and then you said that same selfishness trickles down to women. I want to know HOW that happens. I'm not disagreeing with you or agreeing. I just want to know how. That's all.


Did I say you said you took anything away from mothers raising daughters? Damn son, I was agreeing with you!


[^^i never made a point against that, & apparently the point I made a few times, which was similar got over shadowed by something else that caught your attention more.]

I know you never made a point against that, I was just adding my two cents.

For the record, I got the point of this entire peice. I applaud the men who are being fathers. I was only trying to expand the conversation rather then co-signing everything and telling you how good it is, which it is.

And again, make that album.

Tony Grands said...

Ki!

First & foremost, it's nothing but love, which is why I addressed you the same as I do on any other occasion.

I apologize for what I may have misinterpreted. As for jumping out saying I take jabs, I do, & I was being honest & acknowledging it in an apologetic way. Immediately following I said "thats not an excuse, or reason to be so hard on them (no pun intended"). In other words I know it's not right. Not that that softens the blow all that much, but it is what it is. I'll work on that. To my credit, I'm much better than I was some years ago. Had I started my blog when I was still drinking, I'd possibly be famous, in a bad way. & Phlip made a great point about those being generalized counterattacking automatically. You did also. Touche, guys. I don't mean anything personal by it.

As far as my wife, the point I was trying to make was not that it wasn't love, but it was, yet here I am complicating it by looking for what's wrong, which may have been me @ some point, & that led me to appreciate her even more with a respectable level of humility. Or, yeah, a whole bunch of words to say that I love her. I do that sometimes. Writeritis, as I like to call it. Way more words than needed, just for the sake of writing something that can be stated "simple"-y. Lol.

Oh, congrats on being up on the Asian chicks, but outside of the swapmeet or the liquor store, I don't know much about 'em. Nah, THAT WAS A JOKE PEOPLE! I was just speaking on *"some"* Black women. The quotes meaning not all, in a sarcastic way. Sometimes my humor goes a little overboard, so I don't blame you Ki for boning up & saying something. Personally, if a women said "men are dumb", I'd probably agree, but thats just me. Thats her opinion, & I know I'm not, & certain wars aren't even worth the battle.

As far as the selfishness, I couldn't answer how it starts. Maybe it's some animal instinct, similar to the one people say causes a man to feel the need to plant his seed everywhere & is incapable of monogomy. What I do know is that I've isolated it as a major malfunction in relationships, family units, & self-betterment. So, from here, I can move forward knowing what to teach me son NOT to do.

*"Did I say you said you took anything away from mothers raising daughters? Damn son, I was agreeing with you!"*
^^i didn't glean as much. It seemed to me that you thought that I didn't give them credit. But I understand. Maybe you have a touch of Writeritis also perhaps? Ha!

*" I was only trying to expand the conversation rather then co-signing everything and telling you how good it is, which it is"*
^^actually, I saw that & thats the attitude (no neck rolling) that makes you you. But bear in mind, there aren't a lot of vocal, articulate women, willing to voice there opinion so strongly. You should take my defensive stance as a testament to your ability to spark contrast.

I appreciate the dialogue, & you too Phlip. Hell, I wish more motherfuckers checked in today. This is a good thread, WITH A WOMEN TO CALL ME ON MY CAVEMAN-ESQUE BULLSHIT, hahaha!!

Kiana said...

yes Phlips point about generalizations are spot on cuz as you read, I immediately said "black women? he talking about black women...oh lawd/hell naw!" without even giving you credit for the point you were trying to make. My fault.


[As far as my wife, the point I was trying to make was not that it wasn't love, but it was, yet here I am complicating it by looking for what's wrong, which may have been me @ some point, & that led me to appreciate her even more with a respectable level of humility.] <---excuse me as I have a female moment....awwwwwwwwwwwwww! lol


These long ass responses indicate that we BOTH have a major problem with writeritis.

And I went to high school in Long Beach, the place is swimming w/ cambodians and what not. Those are my people! lol

I probably should shut my mouth when people make generalizations but I can't because I know far too many exceptions. When women say men are dumb, I'm more inclined to tell them to stop fucking with dumb men and learn how to attract smart ones.

Which brings me to the point why I come here and politic with you in the first place. I'm not a confrontational person at all. Most times I play nice, talk to myself and go on with my biz. When I do speak up and say what's on my mind it's only because I respect the opinion of the person I'm disagreeing w/and I give a damn about what they have to say. My intentions in questioning you are to LEARN from you because I think you have truth to teach.

With ALL that said, I wish this would have went down earlier today when I was bored as hell at work. These convos would have gotten me through!

Don said...

Wow. The "Commission" moniker is just.

Fortunately I have been blessed to be able to witness different cultures within their own environment(not in America).

I will tell you the understanding of self is waaaaaayyy different than what we do. A Japanese woman, especially married, unless it's business or family, ain't gonna talk to you. Speaking to a man means she's being courted. They get hands put on them for stuff like that.

When you're around them, peep their (all cultures) stylees. The cultured ones, not the "Americanized" ones. You'll see the difference from the door. Men and women play certain & different parts in this movie we call life.

Don't think it's the same when it comes to the Black woman? We've been fighting this issue for centuries.

We all know the world NEEDS the Black woman, that's why she is always scrutinized. Don't fret sister because you know we also stay in the spotlight regardless. It's in our genes. Check the good books for reference.

We are out of pocket. The Black woman's heroines now are:

Oprah(rich lesbo ex-smokehead)
Halle(MILF who flamed-on boinking a Caucasian dude on camera, no porno)
Whitney(smokehead)
_________(insert video vixen there)
NIKKI MINAJ
TRINA
_________(insert stripper)

You can't say Michelle O, cause the hood chicks are still partying, getting their vanity on, trying anything instead of sticking with something. The first thing said is they want a real man, and most of us know 80% of that statement refers to $. The struggle can twist your mind. The hood is a well documented experiment(PROJECTS).

We as men & women, need to start bigging up the stay home, working & grinding hard women and place them out there as our true representatives. Even @ home. So what we ain't seeing eye 2 eye, that's a normal process in any relationship. Her wrongs may shine just as bright as mine in her eyes. But we grind together, which makes you re-read the early thoughts in this drop. Because that's how certain other cultures get down. If you see a broke Japanese person, they just got here, you feel me? THEM PEOPLE WORK TOGETHER. They will murk you too, but you gotta work first. Tokyo has barrack-like hotels. Like sleep pods. Them cats sleep there, work the week THEN go home for their days off, IF home is close enough. Imagine that for a Black family. There would be mayhem in that household. They(Asians) play their parts and eat well.

Men should always be around, but sometimes that woman may be orbiting in another universe, so there will be men around, but they may not be the RIGHT men around.

Quick example:

If there's a sun shining a specific way on a planet, if it's fully exposed to full ray shining, it may cause mutation or a diverse effect on that planet until it self-corrects itself. Or it's completely destroyed.

If we don't build with our women and keep them properly shaded, they will continue to operate with side effects & breed more of the genes with diverse effects as well.

We gotta start now with the young ones. Older planets have to self-correct.

I know I flew out there but believe me it all pertains. My daughter's in college(LSU) right now, straight from the "pj's"(sleep WEAR/WHERE) of Bklyn, NY holding it down, swift with it. But we need some of y'all(sisters) out there holding it down. No more Keri Hilsons or Shawnnas or Superheads. Let's keep it 100, they are selling prostitution to our daughters and getting away with it. Y'all are supposed to be checking them.

And it's a good time for that. Half of these skinny jean, smedium cats are momma's boys...Even Pac said "Dear Momma"...Come thru...

$yk

Don said...

Damn swishas make a brother write!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

$yk

Capital G said...

Goddamn! Everyone suffering from "Writeritis" so I'm gonna keep it really simple. Dope drop, damn good comments, no name calling or petty bullshit from any party involved, then some science from $yk to wrap everything up real nice like. Kudos to all involved on this one. Now school the ignorant masses over on XXL, the comments, or better yet, the commentors are getting worse by the fuckin minute. Good shit peoples.

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