Bow Wow?!?...Wow.

I'm not really one to go in on dudes[||], unless I see them as a walking ass load of jokes (pause?), or a pathetic douche nozzle who's adamantly asking for it. But occasionally, some cats are targets for all the wrong reasons. Today is Bow Wow's turn. Plus, fuck it, he could use the publicity. I guess he knows it, too, & has aligned his "star power" with Chris Brown's. Bow Wow's effervescent mom should've told him that straddling the domestic violence poster boy would help his career about as much as naming his last album after a movie where the highlight was a hot, young Christopher Williams ([||]x1,000) getting stabbed through the hand for being light skinned (I took that as a personal slight, BTW). Oh shit, I forgot Chris Rock smoked crack in that piece! Okay, a movie where the highlight was Chris Rock smoking a rock, word to Alanis Morrissette.


Anyway...I won't say that Bow Weezy is a failure. Hell, I'm almost positive he has a watch, cuff link, or toothbrush that costs more money than I can make in a year. & that includes being a sperm donor and selling my piss to people who know I don't smoke weed anymore. But, as the big homie Ron Mexico says, money does not equate intelligence. Even when your mother's in charge of both. FTR, I liked 'Like Mike', but for the life of me, I can't name one Bow Wow song right now. I can sing Da Brat's 'Funkdafied' word for word, though. Just saying.


For some strange reason, despite missteps, bad fortune, &/or an obvious lack of any "grown folk" life direction, Big Bow Wow is still in the public eye. Blame Twitter if you must, although Myspace & FaceBook couldn't have hurt none. Probably the one aspect of Twitter that I truly can stomach is that it gives niggas something to read, & a reason to write, even if 90% of the contents are so grossly mispelled that it doesn't qualify as 'shorthand'. & judging by the majority of dogs & cats that swear by it, reading & writing really is for dumb people. Get it? & to think, I had no idea that I can see the future, like Nostradamus.


On New Year's Eve, in what I take to be an oddly humorous attempt to garner some fresh-out-the-box, 2010 publicity, Bow Wow used the reliable self-snitch machine, a/k/a Twitter, to let the world know that he's light years beyond the stupidity we came to know & love him for:


"Face numb. im whippin the lambo. Tispy as fuck. Just left @livmiami."


"I'm fucked up!!! Ohhhh damn. Y i drive the lambo. Chris might have to drive after next spot."


Apparently, young 'Shad was tweeting while drunk driving in a Lamborgini, a move that can only be pulled off by the most skilled douche nozzles. Think tying a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue, on a trampoline, while getting your sister's best friend pregnant. Yeah, like that.


&, he spelled "tipsy" wrong.


I'm at a loss for what was more saddening; the fact that he felt he had to advise all 300 of his followers that he's driving the same type of car that Rihanna's face beat up Chris Brown's fists (& career) in, or that he thought somebody actually cared. That's just a sign as to his thought process lacking the maturity needed to be the man he claims to be. Although, I guess hanging out with Omarion would make any dude feel a bit more masculine than they really are. Femininity aside though, as an adored public scapegoat, Shad should've known better. God forbid a drunken, pissed off Chris Brown had've been in the Lambo with him. A couple of flashbacks on Brown's part, & them niggas might have been tweeting between open-handed slaps to each other's mouths.


There's a pretty good chance that the majority of Bow Wow's followers are sexually confused teenage girls & impressionable young men who've been looking for father figures since their father figured it was time to blow town.


[tony's note:^^swish!! 2 points!]


Now matter how you slice it, that shit is just irresponsible. Even though he eventually apologized & deleted the original message, any possible damage was done.


"Apologize for that tweet. it was stupid and immature. not a way i want to kick my #2010 year off. i got too much good stuff lined up. my bad."


"Good stuff lined up..." Yeah, Shawty Redd had good stuff lined up too, if you smell my cologne. Even though it's hard for us adults to fathom, a lot of kids love this clown, despite the fact that he looks like the son that Lil Mama & Raja Rondo never had. Really though, Jermaine Dupri needs to step off that Black, male version of 'The View', & go back to mentoring young, misguided entertainment niggas, like he used to. Although, the last time I heard somebody say the phrase "so, so def" was on a television special about the life of Helen Keller. Actually, I would like to think he's old enough to facilitate his own post-teeny bopper career, especially if he's old enough to drive small fortunates while intoxicated. To let a virtual community know you're commiting a felony in real-time takes balls the size of dinner plates, or the same amount of stupidity that Tiger Woods had as he left his name on jump-off message centers. Either way, if it was attention he wanted, now he's got it.


Maybe he has a song coming out. Yeah, & it doesn't take a rocket scientist to guess who'll be doing the hook. No pun intended. Chris Brown & Bow Wow are easily the OJ Simpson & Al Cowlins of the Hip Pop universe. Damn, so many parallels to illustrate there that I'd rather just leave it up to you.


Consider it homework.

Father's Day: The Late Pass Edition

We can all agree on one thing; Dads are mythical creatures, like leprechauns. If you're lucky enough to stumble upon a "pot o' gold", then you become the exception. Congrats. Otherwise, Dads are an urban legend that most only see in action during prime time television viewing, amidst whispers about them at school &/or work.

FTR, I have the greatest Dad ever, so......

The lack of Father's has been apparent for quite some time, depending on your vantage point, but Hollywood brings it to light, even more so than my immediate group of friends. I thrive on being the best dad I can be, what with so many accounts of how absentee/negligent fathers contribute to the crime rate & all. I'd hate to think my homeboy's son may rob me at gunpoint some day simply because he stayed at the strip club all the time. Don't laugh, it ain't funny.

Daddies teach, protect, nurture, discipline, etc. Supposedly. But where was Rihanna's dad when she got domesticated?

I understand we must allow our kids to fend for themselves in life, but *ahem* F#$k that. You hit my kids, there will be discrepancies afoot (Word to Bernie Mac-RIP). Even if they are grown. Some things in life are worth the possible punishment. (Black) eye for an eye, am I right? All jokes aside, dude kicked her ass pretty good, & if nothing else, that needed to be addressed with the same level of testosterone as it was dished out. Even Brown's step-dad, who's been rumored to have smacked his mom around rom time to time, should've given Young Chris a reason to sing a new tune (npi). I know its easy to arm-chair quarterback a situation like that, but I have a daughter. & insanity &/or passion crime is a legitimate plea, for possible future reference. It would be different if it were all speculation, but he did. & we know he did it. Hell, dude admitted it. No Judgment though, unless it's probation & community service...

*rimshot*

Which leads me to my next point.

Say you have a more or less of-age daughter, who is old enough to experiment in amorous behaviors. No biggie, because any of us dad's with princesses know that one day, this will occur. But, let's just say that said act(s) was recorded, & during the taping, your daughter got peed on, on purpose. At that point, it wouldn't matter how curious she was/is, all that counts is that some guy emptied his bladder on her. At this juncture, playtime becomes ass-whipping time. Granted, daddy's girl may be a freak of Janet Jackson proportions, but to broadcast such degradation is unfathomable. Even hookers have feelings. Humiliation is an understatement, especially in regards to a man who probably can't spell it. Really, I mean eye tee. Mr. Kelly would have most assuredly been man-handled & pissed on for all of youtube to enjoy. I'd have been a folk hero, like Tookie Williams. Or at the very least, high-fived as I went to work that Monday.

Maybe what I'm trying to say, I guess, is I think both those womanizers should have went to prison. God knows how they love a man who mistreats women in those places. But, I would've preferred a couple of televised ass-kickings, courtesy of their fathers.